And I came to see and listen to, to learn and to accept, I vowed to take the truth and never to doubt it afterwards. I vowed to take the truth and never to doubt it afterwards. I vowed to take the truth and never to doubt it afterwards.

[01:29]

I vowed to take the truth and never to doubt it afterwards. [...]

[03:14]

And I don't really know so well about how to talk about what I want to bring up tonight. So we'll see what happens. I know sometimes I wonder, and I wonder if you wonder too, how is it that I go on being me? How is it that I can examine my body and mind and say, oh yes, it's still me, thank goodness, I haven't, I'm still here. And then all the times I say, I think, oh gosh, it's still me, still same old me, I'm still here.

[05:03]

Can't I disappear somehow? And Thomas Merton says the same thing as this psychologist. If you want to have awakening, or what he calls renewal, if you want to have awakening, there's a big risk involved. You might make a fool of yourself. And that's the kind of chance we take.

[06:22]

That we might make a fool of ourselves by awakening. So how is it that, you know, and then I hear so often people, in a way it seems lately, I have this feeling, a feeling people ask me, what shall I do with anger? What do I do about fear? My life is stagnant, what do I do about that? I feel separate from things. I feel separate from other people. How am I going to feel, how can I be connected? How can I be sure to do the right thing? What should I do?

[07:39]

You know, as though there was some answer to those questions, other than making a fool, or possibly making a fool of yourself, and not making the right decision. And not being able to control anger, not being able to subdue fear. I mean, is it actually possible we could, you know, I could allow myself to be silly, or foolish, or out of touch, and not know where I am.

[08:59]

And what's going to happen to me there? How will I ever survive? And I want it so much to look good, and to do it right. So this can be, I think, a very simple thing to do. Something so foolish as sitting cross-legged on a black cushion. Something so foolish as cutting carrots or washing vegetables.

[10:03]

Something so foolish as taking a bath, or going for a swim. Right here. Do you notice, can you now enter your breathing? And when you become aware of your breath, is it possible to say, what is a breath? We call some indescribable reality, we call it inhalation.

[11:16]

But if you look closely at your inhalation, what is it exactly? What is it? Is it body? Is it mind? Is it inside? Is it outside? Can you tell exactly where it begins, or exactly where it ends? If you feel now, the floor.

[12:35]

If you feel now, the floor. Can you tell where your body ends and the ground begins? Is it so perfectly clear and obvious, or not? How can you tell how far it is from the floor to the top of your head? Is it inside? Is there any dimension, or not?

[13:41]

How much space is there? So I want to tell you a poem. Some of you know this poem already. But I want to tell it again. This is a poem by Kabir. I said to the wanting creature inside me, what is that river you want to cross?

[14:45]

There are no travelers on the river road, and there is no road. Do you see anyone moving about on that bank, or resting? There is no river at all, and no boat, and no boatman. There's no tow rope either, and no one to pull it. There's no ground, no sky, no time, no bank, and no Ford. And there's no body, and no mind. How's that for foolish? Be strong then, and enter into your own body.

[16:02]

And there you'll find a firm place for your feet. Now Kabir says this, just throw away all imaginary things, and stand firm in that which you are. This reminds me a little bit of another poem I heard, which I don't know exactly, but it's a short one, and it goes something like this. Mankind has four things which are useless at sea, anchor, rudder, oars, and the fear of going down.

[17:12]

There are four things which are useless at sea, anchor, rudder, oars, and the fear of going down. There are four things which are useless at sea, anchor, rudder, oars, and the fear of going down. There are four things which are useless at sea, anchor, rudder, oars, and the fear of going down.

[18:41]

For what will happen. And we don't know what will happen. But we can do this, we can enter into our body, enter into our breathing, enter into phenomena, enter into sound. Where does the sound exist, is it inside or outside?

[19:42]

The sixteen bodhisattvas that are in the picture, at the altar to the baths, they went into the baths and they all attained enlightenment upon entering the water. A commentary about this story says, if you're really penetrating and through going, you don't even need to take a bath. You don't even need to take a bath.

[20:51]

You don't even need to take a bath. A commentary about this story says, if you're really penetrating and through going, you come all this way, let me give you a meal, why don't we have dinner together.

[22:01]

This monk, the tenso, the head cook, was over sixty, and he'd already walked fifteen or twenty miles that day to get the mushrooms. But he politely turned down Dogen's request. He said, I have to, I'm sorry, but I can't stay, I have to go back to the monastery. And Dogen said, but isn't there someone else who can do the cooking for you? There must be someone else in the monastery who's capable of that. And the old monk replied, this is a responsibility I've taken in my old age, and it's not something I can leave to others.

[23:18]

If I leave it to others, the meal will not be good. And I didn't ask for permission to stay out. And Dogen said, why in your old age, venerable cook, why is it in your old age? You don't concentrate on sitting meditation, and studying the words of the ancient masters. But instead of this, you trouble yourself with the duties of tenso, and working all the time. To which this tenso monk replied, a good man from a foreign country, you don't yet understand the meaning of practice, or the meaning of words.

[24:26]

And Dogen says, at this he was rather embarrassed, and startled, and he asked, what is practice, and what are words? And the cook said to him, if you penetrate the depths of your question, how could you fail to be a man who understands? And then the cook left.

[25:35]

Later on, Dogen met him at his monastery, and again he asked, what are words? The tenso monk replied, one, two, three, four, five. And then Dogen said, and what is practice? And the response was, nothing at all in the universe is hidden. Nothing is hidden. But it's necessary to give it space, and to take time, to not be going anywhere, to not be trying to accomplish anything.

[27:00]

To be a fool. A fool who has nothing to do, nothing better to do, other than to breathe. And then to wash lettuce, and to have a cup of tea. Later on, Dogen found a poem, by an earlier master, which he said, confirm the words of the chief cook.

[28:04]

This poem goes like this, even if you study thoroughly myriad forms, even if you study, investigate thoroughly myriad forms, with one word, or with seven words, or three, or five, nothing can be dependent upon. Night advances, the moon glows, and falls into the ocean. The black dragon jewel, which you've been looking for, is everywhere.

[29:17]

And can you find it there, in the dark? And when the moon glows and falls into the ocean, in that place where nothing can be dependent upon, can you find it there? That place where you're such a fool to have forgotten yourself. I think you can. And you don't have to do a lot of zazen to do this kind of practice.

[30:38]

Just enter into your own body, your own breath, that's where you stand. That's where you stand. Now is there someone else who would like to make a fool of themselves and say something? Not all at once.

[31:53]

What does it mean to enter into your own body, enter into your own breath? What does it mean to enter into your own body? That is, when I breathe, breath comes in, breath goes out. My body, you know, I walk around, pick up something, put it down, sit with my legs crossed. Now where is the entrance? Or what is it? What's behind the door?

[33:09]

What's behind the door? What's behind the door? What's behind the door?

[34:32]

What's behind the door? I have trouble deciding. I wanted to say something foolish or not. I wanted to say something foolish or not. It's like coming home at long last. After having been away so endlessly.

[35:42]

Now you come home, and of course it's completely different, completely new, and yet so intimately familiar, and you couldn't ask for anything more. What is faith? You know, when everything is mixed back and there's nothing that you can hold on to, a little maple and a little grass, what is there to be given to have faith in?

[37:09]

Now I want you, could you hear over here? Could you hear the talk all right? It's a little late if you couldn't. Our faith is to plunge in, to enter into this world. Our faith is what gives you the confidence to step into this world. Now this world is objectless, objectless world, this world of space, very spacious world.

[38:36]

And faith gives you the confidence to do that, and you trust that even if you make a fool of yourself, that's okay. And also you trust and have faith that by doing this, by entering this world actually you clarify things. That's what faith does, that things become clear when you enter, when you're outside, then things are not so clear.

[39:51]

When you plunge in, things become clear. And you don't just take along faith, but you take along your energy and mindfulness, your stability, your balance, concentration, and awareness. Your warmth and creativity. You don't have to leave any of those things behind. In fact you should bring them all along. And you'll find out what to do. And not ahead of time, but at the time. If there's clarity in this world, how is it you become able to do that?

[41:01]

There's always some newspaper reporter snooping around who likes to write about such things from a very proper perspective and point of view. Then you get press clippings that say such a thing. He used to be so intelligent, and he had such a good career ahead of him, and now look at the fool, sitting around on a cushion in the mountains, trying to attain true realization. We knew him well. Thank you.

[42:21]

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