Well, what's news today? Oh, you're welcome. Isn't kid talk funny? Anyway, if you have any questions or interest this morning or other comments or, you know, weather report, if you know how it's going for you. Yeah, the question was, well, the Suzuki Rishi said it's important for a Zen student to be non-dualistic.

[01:10]

Oh, gosh. This is, you know, a big question or a question for, you know, all of us in some way, not just in students. Another way, you know, we could describe it is we understand, you know, that everyone in Buddhism, we understand everyone has Buddha nature. Buddha nature is not something that is, you know, so this is... certain kind of designation for us to indicate. You know, language is so difficult, you know, I start to say something.

[02:16]

But as soon as you say thing, thing exists in time and space, has a beginning and an end. Buddha-nature is not something that begins or ends and doesn't exist in time and space. So we're always trying to you know, aim or understand or have some sense that besides being a person, you know, with form and shape and color, we're also someone who's beyond space and time. And we get, you know, a little taste of this from time to time. We, you know, we disappear into our activity or we forget to be judging. how I'm doing right now, better or worse, good or bad, or how well I'm doing. And when we're not busy judging and we've disappeared into our activity in that way, we have this kind of sense of we're not bound by space and time in the usual way.

[03:23]

So we're not limited by having a physical body with aches and pains. And also we're someone, you know, who has a physical body and takes some pain. When we exist just in the one world of duality, then, you know, we keep trying to improve and we will be caught, you know, often in endless kind of improvement too. And of course, in the end, we're going to die, so, oh well. and so much for improving, you know, as the goal of life. But, you know, to have some sense of non-duality or, you know, that we're also a being that's not bound in this way and not limited by our body and that at any moment of time, given its appearance of

[04:34]

Light or dark, you know, joy or sorrow is in some way also unbounded or non-dual. And this, as I said, is when we disappear into the moment and we stop judging how things are, we have a taste of this. And it's not exactly the idea that we just eliminate the world of duality, but that we can exist in both worlds. the world of duality and the world of non-duality. Also we understand that in order to have accurate kind of discrimination or accurate kind of sense of what is really good or bad or right or wrong or you know how things are we have to touch things with our awareness you know It's better when we don't have some preconceived idea of what's right or wrong or good or bad.

[05:39]

So non-duality is also the basis for accurate kind of judgment when we are going to be judging. Otherwise, we don't look past our own judgments when we observe the world. And Buddhism is also often described as to see things as they are, Suzuki Roshi changed it and said to see things as it is. We're not sure if his English was bad or if he was making his end point. It makes about as much sense, you know, to see things as it is. There you have some sense of duality and non-duality, perhaps. But we can't see things as it is unless we, you know, while we're busy with our judgments and so, and holding on to our dualistic world and dualistic reality.

[06:44]

So to observe things clearly or accurately, we need to let go of that and have a basis of non-duality to observe from. But anyway, this is more or less a lifetime study So I hope that I haven't answered your question and that you can continue to, you know, look into it for yourself. Marian, were you going to bring up something? Bowing? We bowed to each other. When you're a resident here, you try to recognize other residents and then stop and bow to them when you're passing each other.

[07:48]

So some of you, I've been stopping and bowing as though you were a student. You can always come over here and bow in front of the altar and, you know... We do that, you know, when we have meals here in the meditation hallway. And, you know, we have this little set of eating bowls with a spoon and chopstick and all these little... We have the tablecloth and the lap napkin and the drying cloth and we've got our whole little kit, you know. So if while you're eating you drop your chopsticks on the floor, then the whole place stops.

[08:53]

And one of the servers comes and picks up your chopsticks and takes them over and bows in front of the altar and brings them back to you. This is to honor your mistake rather than just skipping over it. It's very tempting, you know, just to like, you know, see if you can reach over and... ...grab them fast enough before anybody can see. But of course, sometimes they've kind of bounced away from you. But anyway, there's something to be said for doing these things flagrantly and... Votedly. So you missed the bow. Better of a one.

[10:06]

So was there more to that? Did I interrupt in the moment? No. All of us Yes, and trees and flowers and earth and sky, water, streams, rocks, cats, blue jays. Practically speaking, we won't, you know, be able to quite, you know, manifest that. You know, there are some beings in Buddhism that have a thousand arms. They can do a lot of bowing then in a lot of different directions to a lot of different creatures and things. So we're kind of limited, you know. So at some point, if you practice bowing a bit, you know,

[11:08]

I mean, the idea would be you have the spirit of bowing without necessarily bowing to everything. I've done that practice already, I have to take care of. But, you know, and also, when we bow to each other, of course, it's something like, you know, the Buddha in me bows to the Buddha in you, or the Buddha nature... or enlightenment in me bows to enlightenment in you, or undivided, you know, non-dualistic awareness is bowing to non-dualistic awareness. So, of course you would want to be especially certain, you know, especially sure to bow to someone who forgets to bow. Venerable one. Otherwise, I mean, you know, because The Buddha nature is also there. So we wouldn't want to discriminate dualistically about, you know, oh, that person's not worth bowing to, she forgot to bow.

[12:16]

We would bow to her anyway. There's an example, you see, of non-dualistically, just whoever you meet, you bow. You don't decide who is worth it and who isn't. Yes, Ruth. Thank you. my present idea about shame and embarrassment, as you say, they're pretty close there.

[13:53]

Shame is related to a kind of inherent belief in not being good enough. I'm not good enough. And the rest of that is I'm not good enough to control other people's behaviors and reactions as well as I'd like to I mean of course it's a rather young kind of feeling you know and it's something we decide when generally pre you know before language even I haven't I'm not I'm not good enough at you know making mom and dad happy and pleasing them and they still seem to have suffering in their life And we decide, you know, at some point it's my fault. And, you know, if this wasn't so, I mean, the fact that this is so universal is to say that, you know, it must be part of the design.

[15:07]

You know, this must be part of what it is to be human. rather than to say, that's some mistake and it's only because I have the wrong parents or something. And it's actually useful that we decide it's me because the people who decide the opposite, it's them. When they grow up, we call them sociopaths. So this is actually an important decision that we make to take on that we do believe we're responsible for everything. And yet, you know, at some point we have, when we realize at some point in our life, as you said, it's limiting you. It's in the way. So then you can re-examine what's beneath it and what the thinking is and whether that thinking is accurate and whether...

[16:13]

whether, you know, it ever would be possible to control your behavior enough that other people's behavior, you know, and other people's reactions to you was sufficiently controlled. That was what I was saying at the beginning of my talk. Is it possible to give a talk actually where you all like me and where I look good and you feel good about yourself and I've done it. I've done this being good enough. Is it actually possible for me to do that? You know, to be good enough in that sense. And I don't think so. Which is where I'm going to, you know, in order to give a talk, I'm going to end up not being good enough in that sense. And there's going to be some degree of shame or embarrassment because I haven't entirely let go of all of that, even so. Even though I can see that's the childish view of the world. you know, and that kind of possibility is established. So in the context of Buddhism, you know, it becomes more like I'm going to rather than I'm going to do something which is going to produce these particular results, you know, we're going to be sincere and express ourselves without trying to harm somebody but still expressing who we are and what we're about and

[17:38]

we're going to be sincere, we're going to be, we're going to make an offering, you know, rather than trying to make a deal. If I behave this way, you're going to do that. We're just going to offer our thing and then we're going to let somebody else do what they do rather than my behaving this way is going to mean that you behave that way. That's more like a bargain for a, You know, it's a kind of contingent kind of behavior. So we're shifting over in that sense to seeing if we can move towards authenticity, some authentic expression of ourselves, something that's sincere, authentic. And sincere and authentic still means we can be... cautious about not harming somebody or hurting somebody in our expression. You know, I mean, classic thing like, to say I'm angry is different than beating the person.

[18:46]

So, and I like the idea of also, as I mentioned, of offering. You know, that our life becomes an offering or even in a certain sense a ritual. rather than a kind of bartering or a kind of commerce. You know, is something worth doing? Am I going to get something back, the appropriate thing back, if I do this? So partly, I think, you know, as you're finding at some point in our life we do re-examine the things which anyway to come back just briefly to the idea of shame being deciding I'm not good enough I'm not good enough to fix everything for these other people or in a sense than to control their reactions to me they're not necessarily happy they may and you know so many

[19:59]

Things are going on in one's parent's life, of course, that we have not a clue about as a kid. You know, there's financial setbacks and health problems and whatever. And they're who they are. And we're not going to be able to fix it. And sometimes we even, of course, we try to fix things for them by getting sick. One theory about asthma, for instance, is it's a way to take away the pain of the opposite gender, parents. If you have asthma, that takes that opposite gender parent's mind off their pain and puts it on you. And they forget their pain to take care of yours. And so it actually works in a way. You don't set out then to limit yourself and get asthma, and it's maybe not the most effective way to take their mind off the pain, but we come up with these things to do. But anyway, the behaviors that we had to deal with shame or whatever it is, at some point, we notice it's not just protecting us, it's limiting us.

[21:12]

And then at that time, the more we notice how we do that to protect ourselves, at some point we decide, I don't actually, that kind of protection isn't actually working and useful, it's limiting me. And... I will do better to express myself and hazard, you know, they're not liking me, hazard what they might do or say. And I'm going to let go of what they do or say. I had to do this as a cook too. At some point, you know, I wanted to cook and make everybody happy. And at some point, if the oatmeal is too wet, people come in and say, you need to be able to chew it. We're working hard. And if the oatmeal is too dry, the other group comes in and says, the oatmeal is too dry and you have to chew it. Breakfast should be easy to digest. You should just be able to swallow it. And then there's people who come in and, you know, you put raisins and then there's all those macrobiotics who would come in and you're poisoning us.

[22:15]

So at some point, it's pretty clear you can't control... then what are you going to do? If you're going to curse, you do something sincerely and wholeheartedly and without judging yourself and offer it to people and then they're going to like it or not like it and all sorts of things. So anyway, a part of that is letting go of this moving beyond or setting aside shame, a part of that anyway, is not controlling people's reactions. You know, letting them have the response they have and like something or not like something as they will. And, of course, it's going to be easier to do that when we understand or realize that that's more to do with them than it is to do with us. Their liking or not like something is more about who they are than it is about me and the kind of

[23:25]

and what I went through to offer what I offered. Well, how are we doing here? What time is it? Let's do, if you would, for a moment. Well, I'll hit the bell and we can chant Ho. Are you all ready? I thought we could visit for a few minutes and maybe try to end a little earlier than we've been ending this. Time so you have a little longer to pack or... get out of your cabins, etc. We'll start the yoga class at the usual time, about 10.15, and I think Patricia's planning to end shortly after 11.30, so that those of you who are going on the stage at 12 have plenty of time.

[24:46]

I did want to... say follow up say a few more words about you know time after the retreat one of the things about the way that you know it's partly about the way that Patricia and I present yoga and zen but you know the less that you effort efforting is actually a way to not feel your feelings. And if you're trying hard enough, you notice less, you perceive less. So one of the things that's been happening this week is we've all been perceiving more, noticing more, acknowledging more about what's going on in our lives.

[25:52]

you know, at various levels, not just the superficial level, but underlying levels of our life as well. So, you know, among other things, this means feelings are likely to arise. And especially now that the retreat is over, during the retreat, there's this support of everyone and the momentum and context of being here together with others but as the retreat ends and you return to your lives you know it's quite likely that there will continue at least for a few days and sometimes longer you know some degree of shifting going on in your life In Zen, when we do a week of sitting, we used to refer to the time after the sitting.

[27:00]

The sitting is called the seshin, one week of meditation. So sometimes we had an expression, you know, for after the seshin, the post-seshin blues. There's a kind of time, and it's useful, you know, to the extent that you're able to, there's a kind of time after an intensive you know, workshop or retreat like this, that it's actually useful if you can allow yourself the space and time to be a bit confused or disoriented, you know, not clear, not necessarily focused, rather than trying, you know, to go back to the previous organization, the previous way you had for organizing and structuring your life. If you just try to get back to the way you used to do it, then what was the point, you know? And you won't be able to exactly. So if you can give yourself a little time to be disoriented or not quite focused in the usual way, you'll find a, you'll be able to come to some new way of organizing or structuring yourself and your life, you know, that's more in keeping now with

[28:20]

what has come up from the depths of your life during the retreat. So this sometimes, you know, takes a few days and so to the extent that you can allow that, even if you have things to do, allow yourself a bit of just kind of space in your life to find your way rather than knowing your way and rushing ahead. to find your way and go a little more slowly and feel your way along and step by step feel what's going on and find out how you'd like to respond to the events of your life rather than being completely adult and capable and competent and skillful and I've got it together and I know what I'm doing and trying to arrive at some kind of immediate structure like that.

[29:21]

Some of us weren't very good at that in the first place, but, you know, it's tempting to try to arrive there nonetheless. So in this way you'll be able to actually continue to feel your life and to, you know, in a certain sense, be more in touch with your heart and let your heart respond to things and so anyway this kind of period of not quite oriented or focused in your usual way is to be expected and sometimes it's accompanied by sadness or grief or anger or fear a whole range of feelings so this is not something to be you know worried about your you'll find new you know to to come to a new way of going about your life you kind of have to let go of the old way so this is

[30:48]

You can't just go from one organization to another organization. There's this kind of being not in a more amorphous state for a while. And then you'll come up, little by little, you'll put together how you're going to structure yourself for some period of time. We're doing this all the time, but this kind of work this week kind of speeds up the process. And I would like to also say in that regard that part of what's made this week so powerful and strong is that you've all been so focused and courageous at entering into the depths of your lives the way we have this week. And I want to wish you well.

[31:49]

you know, with your continuing journey. So if there's something in particular or something else you want to say or bring up before we head off, You sound like you're doing quite well.

[32:59]

You know, I can't, I'm not recalling right now, you know, exactly how Suzuki Roshi used the word, so if I say something, I'll just make it up. If you don't mind. I don't know. You know, somebody wrote a poem one time that was, is this a poem or did I just make it up? This is, you know, is there an external authority or am I, is it up to me here? LAUGHTER anyway this morning I'm thinking about humility in regard to you know just being willing to be with things being willing to be with things and connect with things things including the whole range of objects and shapes and sounds and forms and taste and

[34:29]

and thoughts and feelings and people and, you know, there's a certain humility there, you know, especially in the sense of being with things without the sort of feeling of feeling compelled or driven to control them. Being with them in some comfortable way where, you know, we're not especially special. in the sense that we could, you know, we sometimes have the idea if we were special enough, we could tell all those things what to do, or they would be especially nice to me. I think that a lot when I'm driving. Don't these people realize what a spiritual person I am and clear the road ahead of me? is not particularly humility.

[35:32]

So I think humility is more willing to be in traffic jams. You know, we, in that sense, we kind of tend to, you know, it's been like a good week here at Tassajara, so once we find a good place, we tend to want to stay there as long as we can. So it's a kind of humility also then to go on, to continue on the journey.

[36:37]

You know, you stop for a while someplace and then you continue and you won't always obviously you won't always be at the top of the mountain with the wonderful views sometimes you will be in the valley sometimes you'll be going downhill and sometimes up and some places will be dry and some places will be wet sometimes it will be hot or cold so It's more of a sense of humility just to be with things as they are like that rather than I'll live in an air-conditioned place, keep the temperature sort of way. And because I'm so wonderful, you know, I will just have this nice place the way I like it. So our humility allows us to blend or merge with circumstances and be with ourselves in a variety of conditions in a way.

[37:46]

I'm sorry I didn't get to talk about alters. I have an altar, you know, or various altars at home. It does seem, you know, I'd rather appreciate it to offer incense and if someone dies, we offer incense and chant something. And I have pictures of various people so it's again similar maybe to humility a way to recognize for some of us it's some useful way to recognize our oneness with everything or that kind of potential or possibility and to remind us that

[39:10]

We're not just a limited person, you know, caught up in the daily agenda and successes and failures of our day, but also someone who, you know, a soul or a nature that is much bigger or larger than that. One thing that I found useful, which is not a particular kind of directive or

[41:18]

suggestion but I do find it useful from time to time to you know acknowledge or sort through or sort out what is my deep intention or Suzuki Roshi called it your inmost request or inmost wish you know what is in Vipassana practice they call you know they say sometimes your true heart's desire So even if you don't feel like you can accomplish it necessarily, it's quite important for you to acknowledge what is your wish in your life. And that gives it a kind of power or support. Sometimes we don't acknowledge our deep wish or true heart's desire because we feel like it could never happen. What's the point of even

[42:20]

wishing for it because I'm not good enough to have it and I don't deserve it anyway. So it's useful to acknowledge this, you know, inmost wish. It doesn't have to be complicated, you know, sometimes it's as simple as I'd like for it to be okay for me to be here. Or I'd like to be able to breathe easy. easily and let go of my, you know, breath so it flows. And, you know, sometimes when we're confused, you know, to acknowledge this helps us to settle or gives us a kind of anchor or direction in our life, which otherwise caught up in the various circumstances and conditions, we don't know which way to turn or what to do.

[43:21]

And as we go along, we can actually settle more and more on our true heart's desire or inmost wish. You know, we actually settle on it more deeply and our life is based on that rather than just based on getting through or coping with the circumstances. And it will give us some, anyway, as I say, either, you know, settling or anchoring effect or sometimes a kind of direction to go then. Or a kind of focus. This way, you know, it's something that comes from you and out of your own being rather than, you know, something that somebody else said. would be the good thing to do or the right thing to do or something like that. And of course, you know, one of, again, another kind of inmost wish would be, you know, how can I manifest my inmost wish throughout my life?

[44:34]

I'd like to do that. And so in this way, you know, we actually... honor ourselves and support ourselves. Why don't we chant Ho and then we can go on about our business here, making bag lunches or what have you. Yeah.

[45:36]

Thank you.

[45:51]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_94.34