I guess I'm going to try to talk loudly enough so that it won't be just pantomime. Will you be able to hear me, but only if I turn my head this way? Over the years I've been to a lot of talks where I just sat there and somebody looks like they're talking but you don't really hear anything for one reason or another. We had one of our teachers who actually used to fall asleep during some of his talks, but we were all so tired and falling asleep we didn't know who was falling asleep. You had to be really awake to tell whether when he started talking again, you had been asleep or he had been asleep, because he used to have long pauses in his talks too, and his talks weren't very coherent either, so ... Anyway, well I have various things to

[01:08]

talk about tonight. First of all I'd like to say that I'm happy to be here and I appreciate all of your being here too. Tassajara is here because many people, countless people really have wanted Tassajara to be here and Zen Center to be here at Tassajara. Even before Zen Center came, of course many people wanted Tassajara to be here because of the hot springs. Because for more than a hundred years now, people have been, Westerners have been coming to Tassajara for the hot springs, and because coming here has been refreshing for them and it's been a way to be refreshed and renewed and invigorated in their life. And so Zen Center is really, in some ways, just carrying this on, but also many people

[02:10]

wanted Zen Center to be here. And many people worked very hard to establish Zen Center, to help Zen Center by Tassajara. It's now almost, well it's between 25, it was in 1967 Zen Center was first here. So we're getting up towards 30 years of Zen Center's being here at Tassajara. And here are all of you, also here, because of your love for Tassajara, this is why we come here, and to be renewed and refreshed in body, in mind and spirit. And I first came to Tassajara in 1966. I got a job in the kitchen, it turned out to be the last year that Tassajara was a resort. So there was a bar here.

[03:13]

It's kind of right where we do now prepare the lettuces for lunch, that little area between the student eating area and the kitchen, that's where the bar was. So we got room and board, and I got room and board for $150 a month. And then you could sign a little chit and have your bar bill deducted from your stipend at the end of the month, it's very convenient. So when we worked in the kitchen, we had gin and tonic and Carta Blanca, we had a lot of Carta Blanca and Dos Equis. Of course I didn't do that, you know, the cooks did that, I was a dishwasher. If you're a cook, you have to, you know, theoretically you end up with cook's temperament. Anyway, and so I was working, I worked first of all in the kitchen as a dishwasher, and then I was sitting Zazen in cabin 3B, which isn't here any longer, it was destroyed.

[04:19]

And then later that summer we sat Zazen in the upper barn, which wasn't partitioned into rooms yet. And Suzuki Roshi and others from Zen Center would come down, we had one time ten people sitting Zazen in cabin 3B, it was very exciting. And it's wonderful, and that was the first time I noticed how wonderful it is to practice meditation with other people. It was like sitting with all those people just kind of held you up. I felt supported and held up, and so it was very easy to sit. And so I've been coming back to Tassajara now, this is the 30th summer that I'll be spending part of the summer here. And over the years I've done a lot of different jobs here in the summertime, and the waiter

[05:22]

time. I've been a cook, and I've been a waiter, and I've cleaned cabins, and I was head of the guest season one year, and at Zen Center I've had a lot of jobs over the years. I've done a lot of different kinds of work. I was the buyer for Zen Center. Oh, I used to do town trips here too. I was the buyer for Zen Center, and then I was guest student manager, and I was the head of the meditation hall, and I was the head resident teacher in the San Francisco Zen Center in 1975. And then I got to be president of Zen Center and chairman of the board. I'd gone to the mountains to attain true realization, and I ended up being president and chief executive, chairman of the board of this $4 million a year corporation called Zen Center. And I had to learn how to read balance sheets and cash flow statements and a lot of different things that go into making an organization what it is.

[06:22]

And then I dropped out, sort of. I quit all of that and I became a busboy at Green's, and I was the dishwasher and busboy, and then pretty soon I used to train all the bussers at Green's, and then I became a waiter. And then pretty soon I was the manager of Green's and the wine buyer. So then I quit that. And for a while, well it was 1984, I was the resident teacher here at Tassajara in 1984 for one practice period in the summer. And then after 18 years of living at Zen Center, I dropped out again and I decided to leave Zen Center and then just kind of live a normal life, so to speak. I'd spent all of my adult life really as this institutionalized person, being very committed. There's a fine line there, you know, between being committed and being institutionalized.

[07:29]

Is this for your benefit or the protection of others or, you know, we're not sure. Anyway, so now I'm back again, and because I love Tassajara, and I love work, and I love people who practice, and I love being with people practicing meditation and working, and being in a community like this. And there's a very, you know, these kind of places, a center like this is very important in the world, that there are places like Tassajara where people can come and be renewed and be refreshed and to be invigorated. Whether it's for a kind of pause of a few days, a kind of a temporary sanctuary or refuge from the world, or for a longer period of time.

[08:35]

And usually, of course, over a longer period of time, people who are here don't necessarily find it such a refuge. After a while, it doesn't seem so quiet anymore. It seems about as noisy as anywhere, and people here kind of cook and stew and digest and grow and age and develop. It's really quite remarkable. When someone is able to stay here for a period of time, it's usually quite noticeable kind of change in someone. And so, that's also something I want to talk about tonight, which I call, for the sake of tonight, Owning Your Own Body and Mind. Suzuki Roshi said, the important point is to own your own body and mind. And I think that happens here. I see it happening here. I've seen it often happen, that people, after they've been here for a while, they learn

[09:40]

how to own their own body and mind. You can also call it trust. People here, we're learning to trust ourself, to trust our body, trust our mind, to know our body and mind, know what to depend on. And this is, you know, to say to own your own body and mind, you know, sometimes this is also called to re-inhabit your body and mind. This is the opposite or different than being colonized, allowing something to colonize you. This is different in the same way that work here at Tassajar is different than work in the context of capitalism. I'm sure you all understand this, you know, I find it so quite remarkable and it is refreshing to work in the context of community. And it's, and here we work, when we do our work, it's all in the context of it's work for ourself and for our friends, our companions, for the Sangha, for Tassajara, for others

[10:43]

who are coming here, which is different than work in a capitalist context is for somebody else's profit. And it just doesn't have the same kind of integrity. In that kind of context where work is, you know, one is being exploited, and our culture on the, you know, largely is built, of course, on this kind of exploitation. And on the idea that you need to earn a lot of money so that you can buy some entertainment, so you can consume these other products, this is what it is to be colonized. Capitalism is a form of colonization and you don't have to go over to a third world country, you just colonize your own, you know, citizens. Get them to work and buy the products that you manufacture. So pretty soon people can't cook and they can't garden and they have to buy manufactured

[11:46]

food products that are put in the microwave and people become basically, you know, not very competent in just the business of living. And then there's a kind of work is considered low class. Any real work, like fixing something, mending something, repairing something, cooking something, cleaning something, that kind of work is, that's for, you know, people from Mexico sometimes, or, you know, it's for, you know, that's too crummy kind of work for, oftentimes it's considered, you know, for Americans. Where I live out in Inverness in West Marin, there's a bakery there and the woman who runs the bakery says, I can't find people to work here, I always need people to work here. And there's all these teenagers running around throwing water balloons at tourists because that's the great, that's the hip thing to do when you're young. And rather than having a real job and a real occupation and learning something like baking,

[12:48]

well, I mean, they'd have to work for like $6 or $7 an hour and why would you do that? No, so she has to hire, so she often hires Mexicans. And I, you know, that's the way it goes now. It's very strange and part of it is work is out of the context, out of context with the rest of people's lives. It doesn't, there's no context for it, there's no community. This is one of the wonderful things then about Tassajara, is you actually see, we actually can see the community and we can see the results of our work. And it's here when we come back next year and the year after and we can come back and other people come back and here's this place we can come to and we can be refreshed and renewed. And that's very powerful, you all know this, this is why you come. Years ago I worked just briefly at the U.S. Postal Service.

[13:54]

This is an example of, you know, because everybody feels like they're being exploited, you're not supposed to work very hard. In fact, you're supposed to see how little you can do and still get paid and not laid off. That's the ethos of where I was at the Postal Service. It's not always like that, I'm sure. But where I was, that was the ethos to see how little you could do and still get paid and not get laid off. And Tassajara is not like that. And then there, you know, people, if you worked hard, after a while people get mad at you. They pull you aside, they say, what are you trying to prove? What are you doing? We don't work like that here. If you start working that hard, the bosses are going to know how much somebody actually can do. So just work the way we work, okay? And that's what they teach. And Tassajara is a place you can actually work with passion.

[14:58]

And you can actually exert yourself. And you can actually work with devotion. And this, traditionally, of course, is a key point in Zen practice. That work is this integral, pivotal part of practice. Work with the things of the world. Things like food and brooms and saws. My daughter and I, a few years ago, went to a Tibetan center. And I think there's, I'm sure there's, you know, many wonderful things about Tibetan practice. And I have friends who have found Tibetan practice very useful. But I just have a hard time sometimes when I'm at a center like that. And I was visiting with the cook. And she said, nobody helps me. There's all these people at this place. They're building a 16 foot high Buddha.

[16:02]

Out of clay. And they're filling it with hundreds of thousands of scrolls of mantras. So there's rooms full of people writing down mantras on pieces of paper. And there's roomfuls of people sewing robes. Bright yellow robes for the special Lama dances that are coming up. And there's rooms full of people doing all these different things. And nobody will help the cook. Because that's not spiritual. They're too busy doing spiritual work to cook. And the poor cook is like flipping out. I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. I don't think I can do this anymore, she's saying. And she's feeling kind of like maybe, you know, something's wrong with her. Like that she can't cope with this. And then I went to the bathroom. And after using the toilet, I flushed it. And the water backs up and falls out over the floor.

[17:04]

And I noticed like, the floor is muddy in here. The floor is wet. Every time somebody uses the toilet, it's overflowing. It's not very spiritual to work on toilets. Gotta build those 16 foot high Buddhas and write those mantras and do those 100,000 prostrations. You know, people are busy doing 100,000 prostrations. And they have on skating, they have on these knee braces. Knee pads, like skaters have sometimes. And elbow pads. And they're doing these prostrations down to the floor and out flat. And, you know, up and down. And they're wearing, you know, gym shorts. And then they come out of doing that for a while and like they've had their spiritual exercise. And I came back from the bathrooms and back to the dining room there. Which is a, you know, it's a nice enough space. It was a tent with open sides. And my daughter was sitting there. We were having a cup of tea. And she was, you know, it's 3 or 4 years ago.

[18:06]

She was 17 or 18. And she turns to me. And I hadn't said anything to her. And she said, Dad, is it the practice that makes these people spaced out? Or did they come here this way? And I don't think people say that when they come to Zen Center. I'm a little bit of a Zen chauvinist this way, I'm afraid. You know, I like it that we take care of things. You know, that we fix things. That we really try to fix things and repair things. And handle things with some respect and appreciation. And that the toilets most of the time work. And if they don't work, somebody starts to work on them. And that we help each other cook and work. And clean and do all these things. And I don't understand personally, you know, why. You know, from my point of view, you can cut, instead of you doing your 100,000 prostrations and your 100,000 mantras, you can cut 100,000 carrots. And you can clean 100,000 rooms. And it's the same thing. It's the same thing. You know what happens when you do 100,000 prostrations is,

[19:08]

and it's the same thing that happens here when you cut 100,000 carrots or clean 100,000 rooms. You get kind of angry and you get upset. It's well known that these kind of things are cleansing practices. There's a lot of stuff in the pipes, in the internal plumbing, that comes out. You know, the pipes get cleaned out. And this is called cleansing practice. And it's considered, in Tibetan Buddhism, these practices of 100,000 prostrations and 100,000 mantra chantings. There's a whole series. Those are for cleansing. So we get our cleansing here by doing the rooms and the meals and serving the food and everything that we do here. We get it, especially in the summertime. And I think I'm one of the few people, I'm sure there's others, but over the years, I hear a lot of people complain about the summers here. And I must be, sometimes I think I must be one of the few people who really appreciates the summers here. I like the summers here.

[20:10]

I like all the people coming. And I like being in the midst of all this activity and things happening and all the work going on. And I feel good. I feel good being in this context of all of us working and doing these things together. And I know that and I think it's a nice, for me, I mean, I like the rhythm of Tassajara. That in the wintertime, it's appropriate to be quiet and still and to not have a lot of activity. And in the summer, it's appropriate that there's a lot of activity going on just as, you know, in terms of seasons, the winter is a still and quiet time and a fallow time. And the summer is a time of activity and growth and so on. So it's pretty nice and then, you know, we have here at Tassajara

[21:12]

over the course of the year the wintertime when there's quiet, more inward, reflective kind of practice and in the summer, the world comes to us we don't have to go to the world. The world comes to us and we learn something, study something about work in the context of the world, in the context of activity, practice in the context of activity. And also after spending the last ten years more or less on my own out in the world, I find that the stress and pressure of being at Tassajara and working hard and all the things going on here is nothing like being out in the world. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Couldn't handle it. But to be out in the world like that and suddenly there's like one or two of you

[22:13]

who are, it's up to you or you're going to be homeless. That's stress. You better find a job, you better be a success, you better make enough money or what? And then you have to find some way to get to work and you have to find some way to get your kids to the doctors and do all these different things. And it's terribly, I think it's really stressful on people when there's just one or two people and one or two people have to make everything happen. And here, there's 30 people or 40 people or 50 people or 80 people that are going to make it all happen. There's countless people who are going to make Tassajara happen so any one person doesn't have a tremendous stress that way. I was really interested last month, I guess it's last month, I lose track of time, but my girlfriend Patty's parents were having their 50th wedding

[23:14]

anniversary in Hawaii. So there was this big family reunion. Their 50th anniversary is on March the 17th, St. Patrick's Day. So there's five brothers and sisters and their spouses and two grandchildren and we rented a house on the beach in Kailua. People say, oh aren't you lucky, but you know us with the in-laws, right? And out of the five, there's this artist yoga teacher, my friend, my girlfriend and then there's a real estate agent and there's another real estate agent who also sells Amway products and then there's the little brother who became a Jehovah's Witness and then there's the other brother who's gotten saved and his wife who studied up on Jehovah's Witnesses and how to argue with them and how to put them in their place. Written books, she spent weeks studying a book

[24:15]

by an ex-Jehovah's Witness in order to argue with her brother, I mean her brother-in-law. They're really very nice people. But one of the things that struck me anyway was that the brother and sister-in-law who are Jehovah's Witnesses, of all those people, reminded me the most of Zen center people. And what was so nice about them is, I think what it is, is because they live in a community with a whole group of Jehovah's Witnesses and they don't pay any income tax. They don't have to worry about paying their taxes. They don't have to worry about making their house payments. They don't have to worry about making their car payments. And so, they're actually much more relaxed and much more just naturally kind of buoyant and happy and responsive and you can talk to them and they talk to you

[25:16]

and they make jokes and the others are kind of like they have to, there's the feeling like they're going to have to like, they're going to have to go home and fend for themselves. And this again, I find a great benefit in community. And even though, and the point, and I think you probably understand, but and even though there are stresses and pressures to a life at Tassajara and all the things we have to do in the summertime and the work we have to get done and taken care of, it's different than the stress and pressure of making your way in the world, finding a place to live, making all the payments, taking care of all the things you need to do. I don't understand how people do it with any degree of sanity since I've been trying to do it now for some years and personally I can't do it with sanity. Two years ago

[26:16]

when we were going to go to Hawaii, for instance, I said, I don't know if I feel like going to Hawaii and Patty said, yeah, I don't think you should go because actually when we get to her parents live in Honolulu. And she said, I can't imagine going to see my parents and then I'm going to say to them, this puddle over here is my boyfriend, Ed. Because I get overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed with all the things I need to do and then the life out there and in the context of being at Tassajara, I don't get overwhelmed like that. I mean, it's challenging but there's just I've experienced here tremendous support and a tremendous kind of well-being in that sense. And the other part of that is I don't mind being here at Tassajara. You know, one of the metaphors for Zen practice traditionally is a lot of rocks and a tumbler and a rock tumbler and the rock tumbler and it spins around and around with some water flowing through and over time

[27:16]

the rocks get very smooth. This is called Zen practice that we all get in this event together and get tumbled around and we bump into each other and theoretically over time you see you lose some of your rough edges and you lose your rough edges by bumping into other people and situations and circumstances. Some say that this is getting polished more the experience of being ground up or worn down or ground down so it all depends on how you look at it but in that sense being here at Tassajara over an extended period of time certainly there is a sense of being ground down, worn down, polished, smoothed out, bumping into things and it's actually how we grow and develop. And so

[28:19]

in that sense also there is being exposed. In that kind of situation you can after a while feel tremendously exposed and vulnerable. But that's again in the context of a community like this you can be exposed and it's not like you lose your job or somebody else in the company other people in the company make fun of you or they find out about it and they hold it against you and all these things that can happen in the other world out there. And you can be in this context you can be found out by being found out by others you can find out yourself about who you are and you can start to own your own body and mind. So you can find out one of the things you can find out is that you're greedy you can find out that you're angry you can find out that you're confused you can find out a lot of things because it starts out that that's the problem that other people have.

[29:22]

This is how we find out about who we are and start to own and inhabit our own body and mind and the first thing to do is to project it onto somebody else. That person is greedy and sensitive and all these other things and how can they call themselves even call themselves Zen students I didn't think people like that practiced Zen and they're not doing very good practice and then after a while it's kind of like a little unnerving you've discovered that it's you and then you have to own it and digest it work with it. So of course being in a situation like this and being at work is not just working on the things outside not just working on cabins and food and dishes and everything but it's working on yourself and it's working on other people

[30:25]

it's working on the people you work with and the people who come to Tassajara and to own your own body and mind means that being here what we're trying to find out over time is not just to follow some rules or to do what we're told but to actually take in what's in front of us and respond to it and work with it. So this means taking in the situation taking in the situation of what's going on in the kitchen or some place wherever you are, taking in what's going on there allowing that to come into your being and then responding to that and learning to respond from your being not because of some idea of how you're supposed to respond. To me it's a very interesting concept and over the years it's become more and more important to me

[31:27]

that also this other expression of Suzuki Roshi's when you are you, Zen is Zen. We're trying, each of us is trying to become you yourself. This is different than trying to become a good Buddhist. I don't know if you understand the difference but another way to look at it is Dogen and other people have said, I appreciate Dogen Zenji said everybody has Buddha nature we understand that everybody having Buddha nature means in a certain sense there's something precious in each of us let's call it Buddha nature there's something valuable, something important something holy something spiritual something of value. Then Dogen says but and then he says

[32:29]

but in people there is no Buddha nature. It's exactly the opposite. And he explains it by saying why take a perfectly good person a perfectly good sentient being who has the capacity to be a human being and to see and hear and smell and think and feel why take that person and then add on something else called Buddha nature, what would that be? Why take a perfectly good person and try to put this Buddha nature on top of them? No, the person being the person is the Buddha nature. You being you is Buddha nature. So in that sense just to do exactly what you're doing to work wholeheartedly on exactly what you're doing to be right in the midst of what you're doing this is Buddha nature and this is practice. So sometimes people think

[33:30]

well I need to be more patient or I should be more mindful or somebody else should be more energetic or more careful. But each of us we're just trying to be we try to be you yourself. So we also say you know Suzuki Roshi told me over and over again when I first started cooking when you wash the rice, wash the rice. When you stir the soup, stir the soup. Do you understand? This is not very complicated but it's easy to get caught and start trying to make yourself over in some image instead of just throwing yourself into the activity. Recently I heard a talk

[34:56]

by Annie Lamott who's an author who lives in Marin County. She's going to be the special speaker at Zen Center's Benefit Dinner coming up June the 11th in San Francisco which is, isn't it a benefit for Tassara? I think it's the Tassara Benefit in San Francisco and she's speaking there. I heard her on the radio a while back and she teaches writing so she says that she tries to encourage people to write and one of the things that she does to encourage people to write is she wants to encourage them to just to take a very short assignment so just try to write one page. Don't try to write a whole book today just write one page today just do what you can do today. And she says she sits down to write every day at 9.30. She writes from 9.30 to

[35:57]

1.30 and she says when she first sits down to write then she'll think of all the important phone calls she has to make and then she'll sit down to write and she'll think of maybe it's not too late for orthodontia and then she starts to get up and go and look in the mirror and she says she does a lot of serious kind of mental aerobics before she can kind of settle into writing. You might notice this in your work or in your sitting or any number of places. It takes a while to get settled and be where you are and that's just part of the work. And she says she finally starts to write and she writes until 1.30 and out of that four hours from 9.30 to 1.30 she figures if she can get about two and a half hours out of that actually writing she can get a page and she says one page a day over the course of year with time off for the weekends and PMS and other sort of things she says

[36:59]

275 pages a year and you've got a novel. And she tells this to her students and then they say do you really need an agent? Should you write your name on every page of the manuscript? Or can you just send your manuscript into the publisher? And then she says I just kind of hang my head. People don't get it. Whether it's Zen person telling you something at Tassajara or Annie Lamott telling her writing students. Just do what's right in front of you. ... ... And she's quoted a wonderful saying by E.L. Doctorow another writer novelist who said it's actually possible to write a whole book like you're driving a car at night with the headlights on that only see two feet in front of you and you can do a whole book that way. You go, you don't

[38:03]

it's not like you need to go very fast you just need to do what you're doing with some thoroughness and studying what you're doing. Because what we're trying to find out, what we're doing is finally it's not about trying to respond to things in the Buddhist way or trying to be mindful, it's just doing what's in front of you. You don't need to add something extra on and say I'm trying to practice and not just work. I'm trying to be mindful I'm trying to be patient, I'm trying to be all these things. You don't need to be all those things. You don't need to be even a good Buddhist. So in this sense classically it said that there are two factors that are the two factors that indicate formally speaking indicate entry into the Buddhist path. One is some understanding of the truth of suffering. The first noble truth. Things aren't working out the way I'd like them to. They never have.

[39:03]

Guess they're not ever going to. I got it. Okay. Part two. Part two. I'm going to figure out what to do anyway. I'll find out what I don't yet know. And I'm going to figure out how to live under these circumstances. I'm going to find out what to do. I'm going to take this situation that has never worked to my satisfaction and I'll find out how to live with that. How to respond to that, how to be with that. Where I'm not always trying to reach and attain some kind of perfection or altered state or get to some other place where it's not like this. I'm going to be exactly in the middle of this and I'll find out how to be right in the middle of this. And being right in the middle of this is what's called nirvana or

[40:05]

release from suffering. Release from suffering is there's no comparison between here and then. Why can't I get to that place over there where it's not like this, where I don't have to work so hard. Or where the people are nice to me and where nobody's greedy and nobody's selfish and why do I have to be with all these jerks and what are all these guests doing here and it wasn't my plan. What about can you just be where you are and it doesn't work and it's never going to work but you're going to find out how to be there. You're going to find out how to be with all this stuff that's so much like being in a rock tumbler and find out how to be with your anger and your jealousy and your greed and your sorrow and your grief and your annoyance and the flies and the heat and the cold and this is all just being a human being. This is what happens with human beings

[41:08]

so why would you want to try to be something other than a human being. Why not own, you could own your own body and mind and have all that and trust in all that and not try to go somewhere else unless I'm imagined somewhere else and you could be right here. In other words, not moving from your own body and mind and not allowing others to come in and other thoughts to come in and exploit you. Produce something for me, why don't you. Change the way you are for me. Buy into my plan. Hmm. So this is not very complicated, right? I mean the idea of it is not very complicated. But sometimes it's not so easy to just

[42:11]

to own your own feelings and thoughts. And this is what, again, what Annie Lamott tells her writers, her students. It's very important what you think. It's very important what you feel. It's very important how you experience the night sky. What you have to say is important. The work that you have to do is important. And then people say, but how do I get published? That's a whole different thing, right? And this is what we're studying is that your experience is very important. What you see and hear and smell and taste and touch, it's very important and that's what we have to work with. And your thoughts are important and your feelings are important. And that doesn't mean that you get your way or that

[43:14]

that you know, that the world will accord with your thoughts and feelings. Oh, are you unhappy about that? It's not as though the world will say, oh, are you feeling unhappy about that? Oh, well, we can change that. The world doesn't seem to do that very often. I mean, I haven't noticed it doing that very often for me. Maybe I should say that, right? But at the same time, what you think and what you feel and how you see things is important. And that's because that is the stuff, the things of your life that is there to work with and for you to take in and respond to and be with. And what will you do with that? What will you do with your experience? How will you live your experience? Respond to you know, with your heart. Respond to what is going on. And actually be willing to be with all of that

[44:16]

which is you. To be with all of your responses. And this is what is tremendously, over time, tremendously powerful, tremendously healing and owning your own body and mind. Tremendously empowering. Another way to look at this is, you know, over time, there's all these experiences throughout the course of the day. You have many experiences. And we actually take them in. You actually take them in. Can you take them in? Will you take them in and swallow them? And digest them? What it means to take in your experience and digest it is that you, from the experience, to digest something means you extract from that experience the nutritive essence. And you make use of that

[45:18]

nutritive essence and that's how you grow. That's how human beings grow, is to extract the nutritive essence from the experiences that you're having. And to use that nutritive essence in responding to things. And finding out how to respond to others and finding out how to do the work that's involved. And finding out how to talk with others, be with others, be with yourself, be in the situation. That's how we learn it, by digesting experience. And some things, obviously, are more easy to digest than others. Right? Some things will give you a stomach ache and it will be very difficult to digest. So, partly, I mentioned

[46:23]

this for a number of reasons. I mean, I'm talking about owning your own body and mind because I appreciate your efforts in this regard. I think it's very important work. Finding out how to own your own body and mind. And I think that that important work is something that can be done, or is the same as I've been invited to be in a position of being resident teacher here. And before I was invited, I was... I thought I'd want to do it. Then once I was invited, I thought, why would I want to do that? Do you understand? Uh-oh. I thought, I have another life. Already. What would I go to Tassajara for? But anyway, so I also mentioned this

[47:25]

because I'd like to... Those of you who are going to be here, I'd like to get to know you and I want to visit with you and talk with you. And I want to understand something about who you are and what you think and what you feel. And I want to honor that. And not because I can make your thoughts and feelings come true or something, but just because I can share them with you. And because I think sharing who you are with others is part of how you understand that owning your own body and mind and your thoughts and feelings and understanding and everything is important. Part of what makes it important is that you can share it with somebody. So this is one of the things that I'm here for this summer. Often by...

[48:31]

I mean, we know this, but often by revealing... And it's not just between the teacher and student, but between all of us. Often by revealing yourself to somebody else, you reveal yourself to yourself. This is the way it works. Oh, you know, I meant to tell you a poem earlier, but I'm coming to the end of my talk, so I'll just tell you the poem now, and that'll end the talk. I use the same poems over and over again, so probably about... Some of you will have heard the poem, but that's the way it goes. Anyway, this is a poem by Rilke. And in thinking about my talk tonight, I was reminded of this poem. And here's the way it goes in English. I can't tell it to you in German. And only Martina would understand it anyway.

[49:33]

She's not here tonight. Is Martina here? She's heard enough of my talks anyway, so what do you know? But anyway, the poem goes like this in English. You see, I want a lot. Perhaps everything. The darkness of each infinite fall. The shivering blaze of each step up. There are those who live on and want little and are raised to the rank of prince by the slippery ease of their light judgments. But what you love to see are faces that do feel thirst. What you love to see are faces that feel thirst and do work. Most of all, you love those who need you like a crowbar or a hoe. You're not too old and it's not too late to dive into the increasing depths of your life where it calmly gives out its secret. Right?

[50:39]

There's not going to be much, you know, around Tassajar here, there's not much slippery ease. You know, rising up through some slippery ease. Here it's work. And you feel people who feel thirst and do work. And it's really lovely to see, just like Roka says. You love to see people experiencing their life in the midst of their life. And it's nothing, there's not anything slippery going on here. And there's not sort of slipping through like at the US Postal Service. And this is how we do, in fact, plunge into the depths of our life where it calmly gives out its secret. Right in the middle of this activity. Being right in the middle of this. Staying in this activity. Well, we have a whole, you know, summer to talk, theoretically. So, that's it for tonight.

[51:44]

In fact, we may have a meeting tomorrow night and talk a little bit. And you'll get to talk too. I won't take all the time tomorrow. Thank you. Good night. Have a good night's sleep. Good night. See you bright and early. Flexible. I mean, the sense of it, that it was each time created by those particular people that were doing it, and it was each time a different thing. And also, actually, each time the ceremonies do feel different. I mean, every session feels different, even though we have the same forms. Almost. So, I thought that was really interesting to see. So, thank you. The third thing... Let's see how much time we have. Unless you want to continue this. The third thing is summertime. Summertime. And building is easy.

[52:50]

But not for you. Not for you. I don't know what to say about it. What came to mind was what you said, that monks are trained to bear the unbearable. I'd like to mention something that a very new student said last summer at our end of the summer meeting when people were talking about the awful rich guests and how they live their lives. And this wonderful brand new student who'd been there all three weeks said, oh, I thought it was our practice to take care of the guests. And I didn't think it was our practice to criticize them for how they are. But they are on their path

[53:53]

and we are on ours. And for me he summed up something. Yeah. And he's coming back. And you're not going to say who he is. No. Well, I think that's a big, you know, good subject, you know. How we guests and students, you know, relate. I found going through the, uh, because I was coming to cabin crew a few years ago, I found it's pretty closely accurate that a lot of books, I would see a lot of books, a lot of psychology or Buddhism or whatever, a lot of people, there are a lot of people who are, well, I'm sorry, a lot of well-educated people and a lot of professional people and a lot of people who are interested

[54:55]

in our practice, either somewhat peripherally or more than that. And I think, you know, this is the opportunity. It's like inviting people into your house is what we're doing. And it's the public, they're just coming into your house, you know, and kind of taking over in a way. And we're making their beds, and baking their bread, and making their meals, and generally, you know, taking care of them and showing them what our practice is. I think the important thing is that we're really, by doing all this, we're showing them who we are. And, you know, we can tell them about Buddhism, that's, you know, one thing, but the main thing is how they see the way we are.

[55:57]

Just like kids, you know, you can teach them this, and you can teach them that, but what they learn is the way you are. Yeah, Gloria? Yeah, I found that so many people come here, and they really rely on coming here to defuse from a very busy life, and it doesn't really matter why they do it, it's like, they're so thankful. Usually people are thankful, and even if things don't go quite right, they're expecting it to be good, and they just have a very positive feeling about it, and they thank us for actually being here. It's the same feeling I had when taking produce to the farmer's market, it's just that people are reminded of, they'll say, oh yeah, I went to Green Gulch, you know, ten years ago, and I always meant to go back, or I remind them of something of their practice, and I think

[56:59]

that's what we're doing. It gives people a chance to remind, whatever their practice is, it reminds them of finding some place within themselves. I just find it really interesting how they thank us when they come, even though I worked in a catering crew, and also I realized they pay $180 sometimes for a room, and they thank us, and it's very rare that I felt, well, thank you for actually giving me the food that I eat every day, and that I've lived on for two years now, and I feel a lot of shame for that, but, and then when guest practitioners, when they leave the work circle, sometimes after, you know, having been, saved up money for, throughout the year, just to come for a few days or so, and leave crying, or, just a deep regret.

[57:59]

Yeah, we do. Mark. I'd like to say a lot about the guest season, because, you know, I think one of the most important, one of the deepest experiences I've had is being able to, like, introduce people to the practice, and seeing their gratitude, because they don't know anything about the Buddhist practice. They haven't, you know, lived a life in a very busy way, and to show them how to do things, like this thing, how to work mindfully, the very, you know, the overwhelming gratitude that comes back is really, you know, something, something to see. Carol. I don't want to peer through this, but, I came here as a guest for the first time, and not knowing anything about Buddhist practice, and not being particularly interested in Buddhist practice, I came here because I was interested in hiking, but one of the things that I knew when I came right away, I wanted to be here, but one of the things that I did, consciously while I was here, for that workshop, was I watched the people in the dining room, because

[59:07]

I could see how they were relating to each other. I noticed how there seemed to be kind of a caring, a quality of them talking to each other, the way they were taking care of each other, you know, something was moving about them, so, it does matter. Yeah. You know, the thing that you really struck me last night when you said about the really important thing that we don't rely on sponsorship, people don't give us money, but we're actually independent, you know, and we have this great opportunity to support ourselves in our practice by means of, you know, engaging in, you know, like you're putting all this together. So it's fabulous that we have this opportunity, and to be able to come here and do exchange work for, you know, it's just, you can't beat that, you know, and we love that. It's just incredible, so to be really grateful for that opportunity to, you know, live.

[60:13]

Yeah. Well, I remember when we first started Tonsahara, you know, and we had to decide, first of all, first we thought, well, maybe, you know, it's just going to be our place, and we didn't have the idea about continuing the guest season necessarily, or continuing the guests, and then people who have been coming here for years and years, you know, there are people who used to come in the summer who actually come here on the stagecoach. I think they may even still come. Not many, but... And I said, you know, you mean you're going to not let us use this place anymore? We've been coming here all our lives, you know, and so we realized, you know, that this place... Has a tradition. Has a tradition. That's right.

[61:15]

And, you know, it's important to accommodate the community, and so we created the guest season on that, you know, little by little, and we went through many stages in doing that, you know. I remember when we used to get up and eat all our meals in the zendo, take care of the guest season, eat all our meals in the zendo, and sit three periods of zazen. But, of course, that didn't last very long. Then we started eating lunch outside, you know, and creating it, and it's finally gotten to its final form. I mean, its present form. And I hope it doesn't stay in its present form, actually. It would be nice, you know, if everybody didn't have to work so hard. You know, I really agree with all that, you know.

[62:17]

I would like to see us not have to work so hard, and to be able to sit more. But it's always a fight, you know. It's easy to say that, but when you see what has to be done, and how many people there has to be to keep this thing going. You know, if you go to a resort someplace, there aren't nearly as many people taking care of it. A place this size, you know. We have about one person for each guest, or something like that. Yeah, it's amazing, you know. So it's a balance always, you know, to be able to actually do the practice, the practice of zazen. And the practice of working, and balance them, you know. So, I mean, I remember when people didn't have to go to zazen, you know, it got to that point, you know. But, I would like to see us sitting zazen in the morning, and at night.

[63:24]

I know that there's always exceptions, you know. But, as a basic practice, you know, you start your day with zazen, and you end your day with zazen. And all the rest comes in between, you know. But you have, it's a zazen sandwich. Even if there's ballooning between. Amazing. Well, I have found, I've also been here several summers. And one thing that I have found out, when I first came to Tassajara, I was actually, I couldn't decide, like I've been to college, you know, and all this kind of thing. But what I, I realized before, a few years ago, that I'd really like to go to cooking school. And I ended up here at Tassajara, and then I worked in the kitchen, and then I was a guest cook. And it's amazing, you know. And now, I know so much. You went to cooking school. I went to cooking school, exactly. And I think there's, there's a certain way in which, we need this many people, because

[64:25]

none of us know what we're doing. You know. I mean, everybody comes here, you know, and these people come into the kitchen, and they've never used a knife, they've never sharpened a knife, they've never even used a cutting board. There was a guy who was this really, quite a brilliant carpenter. And he didn't say anything, he owned his own business, you know, he did everything. And, but he had never done that, that kind of work. And it was driving him crazy. Because he had never had to stand there and just, you know, chop some onions. And he was working really hard with them. And I think, you know, by the end of the summer, he was a very interesting person. You know. And he got through that. And it was, but, but I, so I think, and I'm not trying to say, oh, this summer's wonderful. But something does happen. And, but I do think we need that many people, because we don't know what we're doing. I've trained many, many people just to hold a knife and try not to cut themselves, you know. And so it takes them hours and hours, you know, to do this tiny task. And so, it's, that's the reason. And I mean that, you know, with all my heart.

[65:26]

I love doing it. Oh, the help you get these days. And we have to have like five people on the lettuce table, because they're all out there, help me. Well, you know, one thing that I think that we can do, I mean, I would like to see us do, is to instill a sense of practice in people. Even if they're only coming, you know, for a week or two weeks or whatever, you know, you say, our practice is to do it this way, not to talk when you're doing the lettuce, you know. And, but somehow, you know, we feel that we give a lot of concession to people. No, what happens is, they're all talking, and then the foodie kid can tell them to move. They know. It's cute. Yeah, yeah. That's good. I saw a very clever thing happen at Green Gulch, where at Christmas time, a lot of guests wanted to come, and then a lot of people living there wanted to go on vacation. And it got kind of crazy, so they instituted this very special program where you pay the

[66:34]

weekend rate, but you make your own bed, and your meals were included, and you had to stay at least two days. You don't pay the weekend rate, you pay the lower rate. Well, we had charged the weekend rate. That's changed. But anyways, even the lower rate, and it's full occupancy, and it takes less people, it just kind of, it was, the need was great, we couldn't, and people, a lot of times, are surprised that their beds are made anyway. Yes. Yeah, I know. So, we just called it a special program, so that they would know. Right, it'd be interesting if we didn't make people's beds. But we wouldn't have to, we'd have to charge them less. Right. Yes. So, you know, it looks like Zen Center makes a lot of money, but the expenses are enormous.

[67:35]

So, you know, and when you figure how people in the summer want a certain pay scale, you cannot imagine the headache trying to figure out that pay scale. You just can't. I mean, it seems very simple. I don't want to explain it to you, because it's more than I can explain. I mean, I don't even understand it. Some people, we have some geniuses who do understand it, but I, you know. Or maybe it doesn't make any sense. Well, it does. Oh, sure. One of the things I thought of this morning was, we could slow down, you know, and stop doing as much stuff, you know, if we wanted to. All we'd have to do is not get paid. Would you provide toothpaste?

[68:39]

The toothpaste. The toothpaste. Jack? Yes. The glut. Right. That's right. That's right. This is the balance. Yeah. This little spot, you know, is balancing that whole big thing. The disinformation. The brainwashing machine. Yes. Yes.

[69:44]

Yes. [...] Well, I think what I would say is that, and what I would say about our practice is that working practice is how you have ease in the work. How you can do the work without tiring yourself out. How you can do the work without getting all anxious.

[70:59]

And, you know, these qualities, that's the main, because to not work as much, well, I mean, you know, you're not proving anything to them that way. But to, how to work, how to do something with, you know, Zen mind. Right? How to have beginner's mind in your work. And, you know, how to move in a relaxed way when you're doing something. So that you're not getting yourself bunched up in a tight, nervous way. And to keep relaxed and easy, you know, and rhythmic. To me, that's something that if we could actually work in that way, people would notice that.

[72:05]

I think that takes at least a couple of years or longer. At least my experience. It doesn't come just out of the sudden. For me, it's taken five years. I mean, that's my experience. I guess I would just mention, as a person fairly new to the area, that during the Sangha session, there was a change of atmosphere here. And that atmosphere was something, that atmosphere is something that I could easily commit myself to a long-term statement. But a week or two later, it went back to an environment of work that I personally feel very unfocused in. Very similar to a worldly attitude of appearance of being busy and rush, rush. And I guess the thing that was magical to me was during that Sangha session, people had the spirit of taking care of themselves.

[73:07]

And if there was a way that every day we could have that mindfulness to bring the Sangha session spirit to taking care of the place, that work would be transformed. I know, I agree. I think that's what we should, that's what I would like to see us have. is that same Sangha session mind, just in our daily practice. One thing I think that would help that is, you know, to sit, have more sitting, which is hard to fit in, but not impossible. You know, it's like everybody doesn't have to sit at the same time. We can have, you know, groups of people doing like a morning sitting, you know, or a one-day sitting, and then, you know, another group doing that, so that, you know, you're not shutting down, but somehow to work it so that that's going on all the time with the work,

[74:14]

so that it's flowing in and out. They actually did that last summer. They had like a five o'clock period, and then in the evening they sat at five, and then there was a period, I think, before the evening period, so if somebody was off that day or wasn't off that day. So there were... Yeah. I also, my personal preference would also be to, we only have these half-day sittings once a month, and I would like to see it. Take for example. Oh. What would you like and what are you doing? I have them more frequently, or at least, and it's, you know, it's always an option to do in the summer. My understanding is that we're always free to go into the Zendo and sit, but for a lot of the new students, including myself in the first summer here, I needed the encouragement of the forum established, other people going to do it, and I just feel that in my second summer, I could do that on my own to a small extent, but I feel that encouragement would

[75:17]

really help out. Yeah. It's not enough to just say, well, you're free to go into Zendo, you know, on your... It's like asking for volunteers. But to have a way that, you know, you kind of expect that to happen, you know, and encouragement and a forum for it makes a lot of difference. And... Did you want to say something, Barbara? Oh, just thinking about trying to work... The fact that we sometimes have to work quickly because we don't have to rush. Yes. There's a wonderful Aikido exercise called Eight Directions, and I think we should all do it every morning. It starts out very slowly and speeds up, but it stays just as exact from the beginning to the end. And perhaps if we learn to practice an exercise that does that and shows us how we might be

[76:21]

able to take that into our work and avoid, you know, our heads being six inches in front of the rest of us as we try to move our way through our day. Because we do have to work quickly. We do have to work quickly, and... But, you know, how to be in time. You know, that's really it. How to really be in time, not ahead, not behind. And if we keep thinking about that, I think that... And keep being reminded of it, you know. And have it be something that... You know, the teachers keep talking about it. So that... It's a little bit like rushing into something, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah, I know it's getting late. I just wanted to say just again, since I've been here so many summers, one thing I have started to feel is that if you have a wide view of a day or a summer, you know, it's

[77:24]

easier not to rush. Because you start to get a sense that there's a rhythm that works, rather than a panic that works. But it's hard, you know, your first couple of summers, because it does look like everybody's rushing around. But then it starts to make sense that there's actually a rhythm that's going on, you know, sort of underneath, and that things are actually... I enjoy moving quickly and, you know, doing one thing, you know, flowing into the next and, you know, it makes work very enjoyable. Martin? Well, I haven't made the plans yet. One of the things is my wife didn't know when her vacation was going to be. So it's been hard to make the plans. But I'm going to know on Saturday. And then I'll be able to make plans for when I'm going to be here.

[78:26]

You know, and also... And then I'm going to make a big effort to come down for like two or three days at a time, you know, just drop in when I have that time. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, since this is my, this is going to be my focus rather than Page Street. So, you know, that's my intention. So maybe that's it. I just want to say a word about having lived on the farm where we only sat one period of a week, but we worked 18 hours a day for years and years. And then when I was able to come here and start sitting every day and only working eight hours a day. That's right. It was so amazing. I felt like I could stay 40 hours a week. It was like, wow.

[79:28]

I used to do all sorts of stuff, you know, taking 20 classes a week and lots of other stuff. But we had such a great street of course because we were, you know, one minor and we really had that. You know, we were all younger. That was awesome. Still, when you're, when you're all, this is what Penn Center also is in that way. Sure. All the other structures. Yeah. Okay. That's it.

[79:57]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ