Well, again, partly since there's some new people here, since we started on Wednesday, I wanted to say a little bit about the spirit of our event, which, again, as far as I can tell, is going quite well. How would we know? How would you feel compared to what? As I mentioned earlier in the week, Trish and I, this is our first event like this where we're creating it together with all of you.

[01:02]

we're creating an event, we're doing an event together. And, and, you know, as much as anything, the event is, anyway, it really is our creation together. So, it's not really as though, you know, this is coming from me or coming from Patricia, but it's also coming from you, each of you. Uh, so, And this retreat is the impression of our practice and of each of our lives. Several people have commented to me how much easier it is to sit in a room full of 20 or more people who are also sitting rather than home by oneself, there's quite a spirit or energy or whatever we might call it in the room that sustains all of us.

[02:14]

Our practice together sustains us. And similarly with the yoga, we're not just doing what it's an instruction. We're we're studying how to embody ourselves, how we do embody ourselves. And through the postures, we have a chance to realize various things about how we've done it up until now and other ways we might do it. And so again, I want to mention that we're not we're not so, our aim is to not be so involved in some particular idea of what we might accomplish or gain, or where we might get to, but, you know, how it is that we're here, how we're here right now, this minute, how we live our life today in the present.

[03:19]

And so in that sense, you know, for instance, the other of my A good sense of saying is, I take off the blinders, unpack its out of legs, give a lot. As long as we're thinking we have somewhere to get to, and we've all heard stories about enlightenment or whatever, but if we think we have somewhere to get to, we put on the blinders, and we're trotting ahead, and we're not looking around. we're not sensing our life or, you know, where we are in the present. It's all where we're going to get to in the future and we're looking on into the distance. And then we wonder why our, you know, we can wonder why our life is because it's unsatisfying as it gets, but maybe if we keep up that same effort, we'll reach our destination. Pointed.

[04:25]

actually keeping up that same effort. They're just keeping that from the destination here. And I like that. And the settle bag, unpack the settle bags. Well, I think many of you are probably noticing how the settle bags, it's not a matter of you're having to unpack them. They're probably coming in fact at the top. that some of the things in the battle bags are, you know, fatigue and aches and pains and annoyances and grief and sorrow and it's stuff we've carried for a long time. And once we start doing some, you know, committing ourself to a practice and a schedule, sitting or doing yoga and walking and I mentioned, you know, cleaning, working, you know, something will fill out.

[05:27]

What we've been carrying will overflow. It will come out of the tunnel, and we don't really have to make a point generally about that in the tunnel, right? That's the habit. Also, we're also, you know, both Trish and I are encouraging you not to push I mentioned the analogy of when you do sitting practice and yoga practice, it's as though the energy channels in your body were putting energy through various channels by doing this kind of activity. More, you know, actively in yoga and less actively, but also actually in sitting. You know, in some ways it's as simple as to sit still and to be quiet We're not moving. We're not talking. So the energy that normally... Did you notice like at dinner there when we started talking?

[06:29]

That was intense, wasn't it? The volume in the room there. Woo! That was a lot of energy. So that's actually been accumulating. Through this practice, we're accumulating energy. And it's starting to go in places where it's not used to going. And as I mentioned last night, there may be at birds on... a residue, some rust in the pipe that comes out. Sometimes the residue is physical or mental, emotional. There may be memories or... So various kinds of material. And in this sense, we're encouraging you not to say, well, if a little bit of this is good, boy, why don't I just clean them all out now? And it's not like you need to, though, put a fire hose through there and like, let's get this cleaned out once and for all.

[07:30]

I'm pushing through. We don't really need to do this. So we're studying how to find our way and how to be with the events of our life and at the same time not push ourselves over the edge. We used to joke at Sunsetter, what's the difference between a breakthrough and a breakdown? not every breakdown you know some breakdowns seem to be breakthroughs and then other breakouts just seem to be breakdowns but on the other hand you know when we have a breakdown like that we've also there's also you know we're learning something we're learning like at what point do we go over the edge and we've done too much and so in the future like what was I thinking how did I do that And unless we come up to our edge and sometimes go past that point and overdo something, we don't know what overdoing it is. Patricia mentioned to me a line from a yoga book that pain is not something to be avoided or something to be indulged in.

[08:44]

Pain is not something that, you know, if we avoid pain completely, we spend our life being too small and careful and cautious. And at the same time, we don't need to always be punishing ourselves with one thing. And the pain is something that has to do with, in a certain sense, it's about stretching, rather literally than yoga. And it's about how our consciousness or our awareness of how we relate to things to them. and there will be different kinds of pain or else to study. At some point, some of the things we can do something about and other things, it may take some time for the pain to translate into awareness that we have some understanding.

[09:46]

But in yoga, it's pretty clear that if we If we never stretch to where there's any pain or intensity, we will always be too contained and constrained. And at the same time, if the pain is too intense, then all the muscles tend to go. And what was the point? We're not going to be able to stretch because we're in so much pain. So we're actually studying, in a certain sense, where is the place where work can happen and we can open to opening, be open to opening, and where is the place where we are pushing so hard that there's resistance. And we're struggling or trying so hard that there's resistance.

[10:47]

And we're not... obviously being so lackadaisical, or the easiest thing to do is just not do yoga at all. And then we won't have to encounter the kinds of things that come up in yoga. But I think all of us must have noticed that we have more energy after we do yoga. And the energy is flowing in our body. We have a different, you know, kind of vitality. We're not in the same straight ahead with the blinders on. We've actually stopped to stretch and some things fill out of our saddlebag and we have some energy from that vitality. So again, I want to encourage you to find your, to study, you know, what is your way and to honor yourself and to rest as you would like to rest or to work as you are ready to work.

[12:03]

I went over a lot of edges and so I actually appreciate going over edges in a certain way, but I'm not so interested anymore. So I don't teach that anymore. There is one story, a great story I wanted to mention tonight. It's kind of a saying, actually, you know, a monk asked to know what I'm after. When the 100,000, 10,000 things come, what should I do? It is used as the 10,000 things coming like a big wave. It's used as a metaphor for how we can be overwhelmed by things.

[13:10]

Or there's just so much going on. Or the sense of not knowing what What should I do? And the then teacher answered, don't try to control them. Apparently a word with varied meaning, you know, don't try to control, is also don't try to masturbate. Don't try to shape or fix them. Don't try to control them. So, Doug mentioned this story, and he says, actually, no, this isn't just an admonition, but things can't be controlled.

[14:17]

And all of these things that are happening, he says, are not just things, they're the Buddha Dharma. The Buddha Dharma, you know, is Dharma is the word for teaching. They're the Buddha teaching. And so, You know, they're not things at all, but it's kitchen. And things actually can't be controlled. I think often in, you know, especially for those of us who do or are interested or drawn to spiritual practice, we definitely have, we often have the idea of wanting to control, wanting to control ourselves, wanting to be a good person.

[15:48]

You know, wanting, it's basically to Buddhism is the understanding actually that people in their hearts, you know, don't want to harm other beings. We don't want to harm other things, and it's in our confusion that we strike out at others, causing harm. And oftentimes we have the idea that spiritual practice has something to do with better control. And so we have the idea of calming our mind or becoming more capable or stopping our thinking. And we set out to do this kind of thing. And we have the idea that by doing spiritual practice, our minds will become quiet and still. This is, you know, a kind of trying to control things.

[16:52]

Certainly the aim of practice is more, if we could say aim, in this sense. The aim is more to have all of these things go on happening, but not be disturbed by it. So rather than trying to control everything, we're able to tolerate Through practice, we're able to tolerate a wider range of experience. We're able to tolerate more, experience more, be more, realize more, awaken more, you know, have a bigger, wider, larger life with richer experiences. And it's not a problem. Rather than, I would like it if it was just nice and in order and everything was trimmed and dishes were all done, and methods were like great edges.

[17:58]

And so we have this kind of, you know, we have this kind of idea about control and what would actually be the indication of the success that there's a lot of the other spiritual practice. So I was at the So one metaphor I like, or a way to look at sitting practice is as a kind of container. Because you're decided not to move, not to talk, you don't have to worry about so much about what comes up. You can allow for a much wider range. You can be thinking about all kinds of things. You can have all kinds of feelings. The safety of it is the clouds and the sittingness like a container for everything.

[18:58]

It's all contained within sitting. Normally, we might have to worry that if I got angry, I'm going to say something. I'm going to yell at somebody or I'm going to hit someone. But in this case, you can get angry and you're not going to have to do anything about it. So this is the idea of This is not about then repressing or suppressing anger or expressing anger, but acknowledging and experiencing it, allowing it. And we're big enough to have that happen and we have the freedom then not to be compelled into action on it. So we're studying how to have that kind of freedom. How to experience the range of are alive. And of course, if you're, you know, like Peter Mathewson said, and he's talked to things earlier this year, if you're a writer, I mean, you can figure out your novels.

[20:08]

Because it's, you know, because you're not preoccupied or busy with anything, and you You can get it all sorted out. Hmm. So after doing this, you'll sometime, Peter said he'd find a check with the teacher. He said, of course, that's a perfect thing to be trained in science, man. You're a writer. And so this is interesting. You know, we often have this kind of, we get this kind of ideas, and we're not the only ones, you know, because even in China, you know, there was a Zen teacher, Wei Ning, who said that his teaching, he said, is no thought, no form, no abiding. So he was teaching people, you know, don't think, don't be attached to any particular form.

[21:18]

don't think we should be abiding in any particular place or state of mind and just stay there. And he said, after a while, in his platform situation, it says, some of you are getting the wrong idea. Listen to that. Some of you are getting the wrong idea. I've been teaching you not to think, and some of you think That means not to have any thought at all. And if you practice this, not having any thought at all, you'll be making your mind like a rock. This is the kind of insentiancy. You're a sentient being. So why should you be trying to turn your mind into a rock? This is an obstruction to the way. So when I say not to think, I mean if you have a thought, think nothing of it.

[22:20]

So this is more the spirit of practice. If you have an experience, you don't need to do anything about it. You don't need to fix it. You don't need to think about it particularly one way or another. How what you could have done so you didn't have this experience or what you need to do in the future never began to have to encounter. Part of this is, you know, it's letting go of control. And letting go of control seems to be something that, you know, we don't just do once in a while. We practice letting go of control and, you know, and then, but it's a very strong habit. So we're also noticing, you know, how hard it is to let go of control and how much we want to control things and fix things. So not to control, you know, will also be, you know, often associated with a kind of feeling of helplessness.

[23:29]

There's nothing I can do about it. It's also associated with vulnerability. You know, oh my gosh, now I'm open to all of this. It's also, you know, at some point it means, we know this, it must be that You know, others don't see us. That, you know, even when we're trying to hide, we're completely revealing exactly how we're trying to hide to everyone else. We're trying not to say the wrong thing. Everybody will notice. They're being very careful. Other people are getting, you know, other people actually notice often way before we do how much we try to control. I'll try for what it is.

[24:40]

Probably talked about it now. Hmm. Oh, yes. Oh, whatever. Thank you. Hold on to the coffee. I'll come back. I didn't even notice that important. Now I don't have to, I won't have to have that cuff on. I can just look at them. So again, I'm rather careful. I try to be, you know, my wishes not to give you something too particular to try to do that would be the right thing. And you can see how difficult, you know, this kind of teaching it, like, well, practice not thinking.

[25:46]

And yet, it means, not if you have a thought, think yet another. You can have a wide experience. Again, in particular, as you said, Buddhism is not something that you just put in the refrigerator and take out when you want it. Buddhism is, you know, we're creating Buddhism with our life, with our study, with our interest, attention, or feeling our way along. Similarly, we, anyway, this may be redundant, but, you know, our understanding in them is that it's actually necessary to have some problem.

[27:35]

It's very important to have some problem in some difficulty, and to do a practice, whether it's an Oreo that, you know, will give us problems, and illuminate the problems with. And it's actually three of the problems that, you know, we're studying blues and studying our life and finding our way. You know, we might think, oh, how nice it would be to be past these problems and then I would really have a calm, beautiful, crystalline, clear state of mind. But, you know, when we don't have problems like that, we just almost need it. And we have nothing particularly to study or to be aware of or interested in or engaged about. We don't, you know, when they're feeling that way, we don't particularly listen to other people. We just are in a kind of oblivion as much as anything that kind of stated, you know, not to be acknowledged in the challenges or

[28:50]

what might be of interest to us. And so, rather than controlling things, we have the idea that things are, you know, that the problems we have are some way for us to actually enter into our life more fully. And not because You know, by doing that, we will get rid of the problems and have them all behind us. We'll just have another one. So our willingness to help our problems is rather important. And it will help us a lot. And that doesn't mean we need to keep the problem, but just, you know, we'll be studying and... Some insight and some understanding of them.

[29:53]

Let's sort things out. Buddhism, finally, is said to be, in the early scriptures, sometimes it said Buddhism is the realization of the truth of suffering. And the vow or decision to see it do it. Or to get to the bottom of it. Or to, given that life is as challenging as it is, I'll figure out what to do. I will find my way. I'm going to, or you know, sometimes I will untangle the tango. But things are tangled, things are working. You know, we all have our entanglement. And we all have our difficulties and problems and, you know, this is the truth.

[30:55]

This is the truth of our life. This isn't something that is because we did something wrong or, you know, something bad. But it's the truth of life. This is the truth of Buddhist teaching. It's not our fault, but it's like this. In any way, you know, just like this. Things change. Things are infirmative. Day becomes night. Summer becomes winter. Nothing lasts. And so, given that, why should we live? And so we say, at some point, we decide, I will find my way. I will do this. I will live these problems and find my way with them. So it's one of, again, one of the Togin Zeng's famous, well-known saying, the Zen master's life is mistake after mistake.

[32:23]

Zen master, you know, the more, in other words, the more we're actually engaged in our life, the more that we will realize the difficulty or problem. And yet we continue, and we find our way. And as I mentioned this afternoon, we're studying how to express our hearts. And at some point, we just decide, I will express my heart. as it is, for what it's worth. Rather than waiting until I can do it perfectly, or do it right, or do it, you know, in such a way that no one anywhere at any time will ever have a complaint about the way I just did it.

[33:34]

If you're trying to do that, you're not going to be able to express your heart. You will have to keep yourself contained. So even in sitting in yoga, when we're doing this, we're here because it's in our hearts and it's our wish to realize and enter into over and over again our larger, bigger life. Kizuki Roshi said about thoughtless wisdom, so it means that we're here because we have some understanding, some wisdom about the futility of at some point just the constant vision with our life and the daily grind and we realize there's something vital about healing and we realize there's something important about stretching and

[34:39]

realizing the limitlessness of our body in various parts of the form. So, again, I would like to thank you. I feel honored to be in the community this week. I'd like to suggest that we get up and walk or accumulate. We'll stroll around the room and then we'll sit for a minute at the end of the evening. We definitely have, we often have the idea of wanting to control things, wanting to control ourselves, wanting to be a good person. You know, wanting to be completely completely understanding actually good people.

[35:44]

in their heart, you know, don't want to harm other beings. We don't want to harm other beings. It's in our confusion that we strike out another cause and harm. And oftentimes we have the idea that, you know, spiritual practice has something to do with better control. And so we have the idea of calming our mind or becoming more faithful or stopping our thinking. And we set up to do this kind of thing. And we have the idea that by doing spiritual practice, our minds should become quiet and still. This is, you know, kind of trying to control things. Certainly, the aim of practice is more to have all of these things go on happening, but not be deterred by it.

[37:00]

So rather than trying to control everything, we're able to tolerate Through practice, we're able to tolerate a wider range of experiences. We're able to tolerate more, experience more, be more, realize more, awaken more, have a bigger, wider, larger life with richer experiences, and it's not a problem. Other than, I would like it if it was just nice and in order and everything was trimmed and dishes were all done, and nothing was, there were no frayed edges, and then this. And so we have this kind of, you know, we have this kind of idea about control and what would actually be the indication of the success, or is that really the approach to practice? So I would, like,

[38:13]

So one metaphor I like, or a way to look at fitting practice, is as a kind of container. Because you've decided not to move, not to talk, you don't have to worry about what comes up. You can allow for a much wider range. You can be thinking about all kinds of things. You can have all kinds of feelings. The safety of it is the cloud and the city, and it's like a container then for everything. It's all contained within the city. Normally, we might have to worry that if I got angry, I'm going to say something. I'm going to yell at somebody, or I'm going to dig something. So in this case, you can get angry, and you're not going to have to do anything about it. So this is the idea of This is not about repressing or expressing anger or expressing anger, but acknowledging, experiencing it, allowing it.

[39:25]

We're big enough to have that happen, and we have the freedom then not to be compelled into acting on it. So we're studying how to have that kind of freedom, how to experience the range of our lives. And of course, if you're, you know, like Peter Matthews said in this talk earlier this year, if you're a writer, I mean, you can figure out your novels. Because you're not graphified or busy with anything, You can get it all sorted out. But after doing it for some time, we tried to check with the teacher and said, of course, that's the perfect thing to be trained in something. You're a writer.

[40:31]

And so this is interesting. You know, we often have this kind of, we get this kind of ideas, and we're not the only ones, you know, because even in China, you know, there was this institute, Wei Neng, who said that he was teaching, he said, there's no thought, no form, no abiding. So he was teaching people, you know, don't think, don't be attracted to any particular form. don't think you should be abiding in any particular place or state of mind, and to stay there. And we said, after a while, that some of you are getting the wrong idea. This is the seventh century. Some of you are getting the wrong idea.

[41:36]

I've been teaching not to think, and some of you think that means not to have any thought at all. And if you practice this, not having any thought at all, you'll be making your mind like a rock. This is the kind of insensual thing. You're a sentient being. So why should you be trying to turn your mind into a rock? This is an obstruction put away. So when I say not to think, I mean if you have a thought, think nothing of it. So this is more the spirit of practice. If you have an experience, you don't need to do anything about it. You don't need to fix it. You don't need to think about it, particularly one way or another. What you could have done so you didn't have this experience, or what you need to do in the future never again to have to encounter. Part of this is letting go of control.

[42:42]

And letting go of control seems to be something that, you know, we don't just do once in a while. We practice letting go of control and, you know, and then, but it's a very strong habit. And we're also noticing, you know, how hard it is to let go of control and how much we want to control things and fix things. So not to control, you know, will also be, you know, often associated with kind of feeling of helplessness. There's nothing I can do about it. It's also associated with vulnerability. You know, oh my gosh, now I'm open to all of this. It's also, you know, at some point it means we know that It must be that, you know, others don't see us.

[43:54]

That, you know, even when we're trying to hide, we're completely revealing exactly how we're trying to hide to everyone else. We're trying not to say the wrong thing. Everybody will notice. So being very careful. So other people are getting, you know, other people actually notice often wait before we do how much we try to control a critical weapon. We can probably talk about it now. Well, it's over. Thank you. I didn't need another study for it. Now I don't have to, I won't have to have like cut style. I can just flip it.

[45:11]

So again, I'm rather careful. I try to be, you know, my wish is not to give you something too particularly too, probably too, that would be the right thing. And you can see how difficult, you know, this kind of teaching is, you know, like, well, practice my thinking. And yet, you know, it means, not if you have a thought, think that forever. We can have a wide... Again, Vicky Rushi said, Buddhism is not something that you just put in the refrigerator and take out when you want it. Buddhism is... We are creating Buddhism with our life.

[46:15]

with our study, with our intrigue assumption. Feeling that way a lot. Our understanding is that it's actually necessary to have some product.

[47:26]

It's very important to have some product and to do a practice, whether it's an Oreo, that will give us product and eliminate the product. and affected through the problems that we're studying in our lives and finding my life. You know, we might think, oh, how nice it would be to see past these problems, and then I would really have a calm, beautiful, crystalline, clear state of mind. But, you know, when we don't have problems like that, we just fall asleep. And we have nothing particularly to study or to be aware of or interested in or engaged about. When we're feeling that way, we don't particularly listen to other people. We just are kind of oblivion, as much as anything that kind of saves us and not be acknowledged from the challenges.

[48:41]

and what life we have entered into it. And so, rather than controlling things, we have the idea that things are, you know, the future. But the problems we have are some way for us to actually enter into our life more slowly. And not because, you know, By doing that, we will get rid of the problems and have them all behind us with this 731. So our willingness to help our problems is rather important. And it will help us a lot. And that doesn't mean we need to keep the problems. you know, some insight and some understanding of what's on that sort things out.

[49:45]

Buddhism, finally, is, you know, it's said to be, you know, in the early 50s, sometimes it's a citizen. The realization of the truth of suffering and the vow or decision, you know, to do it. in order to get to the bottom of it, in order to, given that life is as challenging as it is, I'll figure out what to do. I will find my way. I'm going to, or you know, sometimes you say, I will untangle or untangle. I think there are, you know, we all have our entanglement. and we all have our difficulties and problems. This is the truth of our lives.

[50:48]

This isn't something that is because we did something wrong or something bad, but it's the truth of life. This is the truth that we were teaching. It's not our fault, but it's like this. Things change. Things are infringement. The day becomes night. The day becomes winter. I think that. And so, given that, I should be good. So we say, at some point, we decide, I will find my way. I will have a beauty. I will live these problems and find my way to them. So it's one of, again, what I love.

[52:23]

The more, in other words, the more we're actually engaged in our life, the more we're realize the difficulty of problems. And as yet we continue, and we've learned our ways. And as I mentioned this afternoon, we're studying how to express ourselves, how to express our hearts. And at some point we did decide, I will express my heart. Absolutely. For what it's worth. You know, rather than waiting until I can do it perfectly or do it right. Or do it, um... You know, in such a way that no one anywhere at any time will ever have a complaint about the way I just did it.

[53:26]

If you're trying to do that, you're not going to be able to express your heart. you will have to keep yourself in vain. Even in sitting in the other way, we are doing this. We are here because it's been our hearts and our wish to realize and enter into a larger, bigger life. We'd curiously thought about We can make them look here because we have some understanding and voice about the activity or at some point it's the consciousness of our lives and the daily grind. We realize there's something viral about children and we realize there's something important about, you know, searching and

[54:34]

So, again, I would like to thank you, our dear honor to please from the company this year. I'd like to suggest that we get up and walk or accumulate. This will be around the room. I'm going to look at it for a minute in the evening. I found it really the best time to land. It, in a way, goes along, I guess, with what I was saying last night about also the big patriarch, that if you understand that meditation can make your mind blank or empty, you will make your mind blank and empty.

[56:13]

And then you won't, you know, particularly get any information from your being about what to do today, or what to write about, or what to say. You make yourself somewhat dysfunctional for this day. But trying to make your mind blank, and now you don't know what to write, what to say, what to do, how to talk, how to act. Nothing's coming up for you because you told your being, just be quiet now. You told yourself that. And actually, your body will listen to you at the point. Sometimes you will get mad and say, I won't. This will happen.

[57:17]

So in fact, the fact that you can think about and work out the intricacies of the novel is the fact of your mind being quiet. And actually the rest of the time, you know, one's mind is not quiet enough to think about when I could figure out the novel. It's too busy with other things. And it may not even be that the part that we're interested in, you know, how does our awareness work out of their mind look? And it may not even be that we, in that sense, that we consciously decide, oh, today, when I sit, I'm going to figure out my novel.

[58:28]

Like, well, so part of Part of what's interesting is when, in other words, for this particular school of them, and not all schools and seminars, part of what's interesting for this school of where does your mind tend to go when you're not focused on that kind of thing? And that's kind of interesting as to where we tend to go, what tends to draw our attention when we're not occupied. So sometimes that may be a novel, sometimes it may be memories or emotions or particular thought patterns. We will have rather We tend to have some particular thing about where these girls, because this is kind of interesting to find out, and then it doesn't mean that we're necessarily need to keep going there, or that, you know, it's what we should be doing.

[59:47]

Not like we should be working at ourselves on meditation, or we should be thinking about it. But the group is kind of the same. Let's see what happens. I found it very useful for when I was cooking to figure out menus. And it wasn't like I was trying to figure out menus. Oh, I said that I'm going to figure out my menus now. And when I worked on rock walls, then I would fit and fit rocks in the clay. I spend a fair amount of life sitting during this retreat thinking about, what am I doing to talk about? What's going on here? There's something that I need to bring up.

[60:49]

And then there's some, and then there'll be some space as well, in a particular clock focus. Um, and the way our, um, you know, the way our awareness works is, you know, it's not straightforward, exactly. It's not like, it's necessarily so, again, it's not necessarily so useful to say, here's the program to move, and then, see if you can get that program to happen. It's kind of our idea of, you know, happiness in some way, is to dream up what to do and then you do it. And for the more one, you know, is good and then, it's rather than dreaming up what to do, you know, let's, well, it's a different kind of dreaming up what to do.

[62:00]

My example of it often is that If you're cooking, the difference between dreaming of what to do and then you think, well, this would be good, then you have to go looking for the ingredients, and then you follow the recipe, and eventually something comes out. But we're actually trying to dream up what to do with the ingredients we have. So we want to look in the larder, look in the attic, or look in the garden and the refrigerator, and what's around, and dream up what to do with the ingredients that are coming up in our life. And then we don't have any particular recipe for it, but because we're feeling the ingredients, sensing out what's there, then we come up with what to do with those ingredients. So we spend too much of our time

[63:03]

dreaming of things to do, which don't have to do with the ingredients, and then I don't actually have it. But we can embark on some program to one thing or another, and it turns out that it's not the recipe for it. Is it paper? Things that, you know, we're studying how to, you know, trust, finding out how to trust are three. So if it appears to us to be working on a novel, then, you know, at some point, we trust what would be important?

[64:12]

Um, so our You know, this is about, and we're creating meditation. How to practice for, we're studying, you know, to give our stuff. One of the expressions that, the traditional and social evangelists do informal, they do, they look at, We're doing formal practice, but within formal mind. But just because it's formal practice doesn't mean we need to put our mind into some form. It's formal practice, but our mind actually can do this formal practice in a variety of ways, an infinite way. So also, for instance,

[65:22]

Now, we may have some idea in meditation that it's serious or it's spiritual, but it's just like walking on the beach. Why would we treat this as, you know, I'll put my mind in some kind of spiritual place? Because they're also the kind of things, the everyday mind is for them, all of us. So in that sense, you know, we're finding out how to have some freedom. All of our life, there will be some form.

[66:29]

Each moment of life, there's some form. But if you're standing and talking to somebody, there's a form of standing and talking. So is there a limitation to how that should be done? If you tell yourself how it's supposed to happen, then we can often do that, and then Pretty soon we're trying to work out the whole dialogue ahead of time to make sure it's okay to have that dialogue. And then of course the other person doesn't use another line. When you actually start to talk to them. So it's not actually possible to program I had, but I thought it was worth setting how they were allowing ourselves some freedom.

[67:32]

How to respond, or how to be in any particular situation. Maybe when we're talking to the person, I'm like, they're working out there now. We don't know. But in the meantime, we're talking to people. Thank you, Matt. Two years ago at Tassajara, I met them.

[69:59]

I gave somebody a passenger ride out of Tassajara. While we were driving over the Tassajara Road, I asked them, well, how was your week here at Tassajara? And they said, oh, it's so hard. You know, what was so hard? Well, I just couldn't empty my mind. I just couldn't make my mind black. Okay, and why were you trying to do that? What were you thinking? That you were trying to make the mind blind. Well, that's what you're supposed to do. A while later, I was asking, well, where are you going? Well, I was going to drink like that. Did I know you were coming? Well, actually, I was supposed to be there two or three days ago. Did they know you're coming today?

[71:00]

Did you call them to let me know you're too late? I didn't think of that. Wow. It turned out he probably did be making his mind blind for you, right? And not thinking of I didn't think of that. Well, you know, I'm going to the city center tonight and possibly, you know, you can stay there on the way. Oh, well, I didn't think about calling them. But this is what happened. We set up some plan and this is what I need to do or should do. And then the other altercers don't approve it.

[72:03]

And, uh, Of course, one of the ways that meditation works is we end up, we do, the first things we do when, you know, even if there's some difficulty or challenge or problems, we'll do the things that have gotten us through up till now. So if you're one kind of person, you know, the thing that you do is you can get depressed. It's worked up until now. Or you can get angry. Or you can be sad. You can get mad at things like this. You can be disappointed. You can do all these various things. In the past, if you were depressed and someone said, oh, what's wrong? Can I help you? Can I treat something for you? Is there anything? So people responded to it.

[73:25]

We've all learned what ourselves what people have responded to and what's gotten us through. And one of the things about meditation is, of course, then the things that we've relied on until now to get us through don't work. So this is one of the ways in which I was mentioning tonight that problems are important because there will be some problems that whatever all the things that we've used up and down, to get us through don't work. And then at some point, there's no help. Nothing gets us through. It doesn't get us through when we're just where we are doing what we do and being the way that we are. And we're coming up with a new way of being because the old ways don't work.

[74:26]

Nothing works. So it's rather important at some point, you know, to have this kind of difficult that there's nothing, no strategy, no way of coping or anything that you've had up until it's working. And eventually, you know, and sometimes, you know, for a fishing or retreat like this, you know, It often takes, sometimes it's the first day, but usually about the third day is the third day for someone. The third day, sometimes nothing works anymore. It's just so on anyway. If it doesn't work, you can't make it the way that you're used to making it. You can't establish or create the mind that you wanted to establish with me or the way of being that you wanted to have. You can't do it.

[75:28]

under the circumstances of sitting with yoga and not talking, and you just can't do it. So at some point, okay, well, I can't do this. I'll be in my new life. Here I am. If the novel isn't working out, I'll work on the novel. If it's just exactly being with the sensations in my me or my adventure, Yeah, I'll do that. And this is, uh, I can mention that, you know, to settle bags, not unpack the settle bags, like things, our baggage, and everything that you've been sharing, you know, it will spill out. And we can be with our lives in a more simple fashion. So we're going to do service next.

[76:53]

You can keep your, you know, we'll use our things, the cushions are bowing on, and keep your cushions nearby so that when we go to chant, let's sit down and put a chant. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can believe it. Let's bring me down the air.

[80:05]

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