I mean, I would be amplified, but ... Well, it's pretty amazing that we're all here because of Suzuki Roshi. And there's this building and this practice that people have devoted their lives to. It's really astounding. It's so astounding, for instance, that I sometimes feel like, gosh, what have I done with my life? Where's my big Zen center? So it's awesome. So, I was part of the group who doubted that anyone could do another Zen Mind, Beginner's

[01:05]

Mind, but Michael and other people convinced me. Norman Fisher also wanted me to do this, and Mel Weitzman. So I started reading transcripts, and I've read, I don't know how many lectures there are, but somewhere around, I read somewhere around 200 lectures. They're actually really difficult to read, because the way that Suzuki Roshi would talk, he would start a sentence two or three times before he figured out how to say what he wanted to say. And then he would say what he wanted to say two or three times to make sure that you understood what he was saying. It's unusual, I think. You know, many foreigners would prefer just to talk, even if they know English very well. They're more comfortable talking about the Dharma in their native language.

[02:05]

Sometimes to the point, you know, where they give their talk in their native language, the translator starts to translate it, and then they correct the translator, as far as how to translate it. They're that familiar with the language that they could actually be speaking it, but they're not willing to be uncomfortable, or to appear uncomfortable, or to appear less than eloquently eloquent. So it's unusual that somebody would, a Zen teacher or a Buddhist teacher, would be willing to express himself, what would appear to people to be awkwardly, clumsily, and so forth. When I give talks, I would certainly like to be eloquent. And it's a challenge to talk and to say anything, and to say anything meaningful, to say anything

[03:11]

relevant to anybody, especially in this context, and of course, in one of the reasons Suzuki Rishi said, if I tell you something, you might actually plan to do it, to do what I say, and you'll stick to it. And you'll try to do what I tell you, and you'll say, that's Zen, and I'm doing the right thing, because Suzuki Rishi said so, and you'll give up your own capacity to find your way in your life. Why would you do that? So I better not tell you anything. So some of the things he told us, actually, were to find out for yourself. And I found, at the time that I was a Zen student, I found this very frustrating, because I wanted somebody to tell me what to do, and he wouldn't, very annoying. And the Japanese are wonderful about saying, awaken your bodhi mind, or find out for yourself,

[04:13]

and not telling you anything about what to do or what not to do. But there are some things, I put in a section about practicing Zen, where he talks about being kind, and practicing respect. You know, one morning we were in meditation downstairs, and people upstairs here were moving chairs. It's still like this, you know. People slide the chairs across the floor. If you're downstairs, it makes a lot of noise. You can hear the chairs being pushed across the floor. And Suzuki Rishi later gave a talk, and he said, we heard a lot of noise upstairs in the dining room. People were pushing chairs across the floor. You know, that's not very respectful of the chairs. And this is the nature of your culture.

[05:17]

You know, you want something to do what you tell it to, and if it doesn't, you conquer it. But, why don't you practice respect, and pick up the chair with two hands, and carry it across the room, and put it down. That's respect. Why don't you be careful with things, and handle each thing that carefully. And, he used that Zen saying, you know, to make a small leaf into a 16-foot golden buddha. That's how you make a small leaf into a 16-foot golden buddha, and he said, we should make a small leaf into a 16-foot golden buddha, and I don't mean to collect lots of small leaves until you have a big pile. But by the way, you treat something, and it won't be that easy for you. For somebody like me, he said, I have to practice a lot of respect, because it's not that easy

[06:20]

to see how precious things are. How important and precious things are, and how important and precious you are. It's not that simple. So, you'll have to practice respect. And once in a while, you know, there's a few of the things that Suzuki Rishi said, they're not in this book, because they weren't lectures. And, some of those were pretty, were some of the strongest things he said. And one of the occasions he used to say things was, about once a year, in the second period of morning meditation, he would say something. And because he talked so rarely in morning meditation, he listened. And then, when he was finished with what he had to say, he would jump up from his seat

[07:26]

and go around and hit everyone. One of them here, one morning he started in, and he said, you think I'm the teacher and you're the student. This is a mistake. You think because I'm the teacher, I'm going to tell you something, and then you'll do what I tell you. You're wrong. Sometimes the teacher is the student. Sometimes the student is the teacher. Sometimes the teacher bows to the student. Sometimes the student bows to the teacher. You're going to have to study and realize this for yourself. And he went on like this. And at some point, he jumped up and he said, who is the teacher? Whack, whack. And the next person, who is the student? Whack, whack. And pretty soon, of course, he couldn't whack, whack, and go on with his questioning. So then, around the whole zendo and out the hallway, back up the hallway, who is the

[08:31]

teacher? Who is the student? And you'll have to be the teacher and the student both. And you'll have to learn how to study. If you want a teacher, you'll have to learn how to study. And if you want to be a teacher, you'll have to learn how to be a student. Another time at Tessahara, I think it was probably Sashin. And in that same period, second period in the morning, you know, he said, don't move. Just die. Nothing is going to help you now, because this is your last moment. Not even enlightenment will help you, because there are no more moments. So just be true to yourself, and express yourself fully.

[09:34]

So some of those very strong talks, they're not here, but, you know, I think we have a pretty good collection. And he does, from time to time, say some very strong things. So, why don't I read you, first of all, anyway, the lecture that Not Always So comes from. We were trying to think of, you know, one of the big things in the book business is what's the title? So when I wrote Tomato Blessings and Radish Teachings, it was first called Potato Fiascos and Radish Teachings. Now, I think that would have been a good title, you see, but the publisher said, who wants a cookbook that has Potato Fiascos in the title? But that was like the point. Oh, Ed Brown will teach even inveterate meat eaters how to produce vegetarian masterpieces. Like, you shouldn't even bother to cook if you're not going to produce a masterpiece. In fact, why are you even here?

[10:45]

Why are you even alive? Are you a masterpiece yet? I don't even bother. Like, you know, throw in the sponge and go to McDonald's, you know. And I just wanted to teach people to say, like, why don't you encourage people, why don't you just go ahead and cook? And handle the ingredients with care and enjoy them. And bon appetit, you know. And even that is not that simple and you're going to have some fiascos and don't worry about it and, you know, enjoy yourself. But no, you know, fiascos wasn't going to work. So it became, first they wanted, when you wash the rice, wash the rice. And actually, Suzuki Roshi said that, you know. When you wash the rice, wash the rice. That's very good. It's not, of course, so different than the Jesuits say, you know. When Governor Brown came to Tessahari, he said, that's the first rule of St. Ignatius, do what you're doing. And, but I like, you know, when you wash the rice, wash the rice,

[11:50]

rather than when you wash the rice, watch your mind. Or practice, when you wash the rice, why don't you be mindful? So now, besides washing the rice, you've got to do this other thing called mindfulness. Doesn't this get sort of awkward? And then you could practice kind and compassion and you could be trying to do kind, compassion, mindful pretty soon, like the rice isn't getting washed at all. Because you're so busy practicing some kind of spiritual thing. Gil Fronsdale tells that story, you know. Everybody likes to rake in monasteries. So when he was in Japan, they said, when you rake, just rake. And in Southeast Asia, when you rake, watch your mind. So in Japan, they're vigorously raking and sometimes they're stirring up the dust. And it's this big crowd. You know, you don't, you always rake with other people. You don't go off by yourself, just because there's more leaves across the way. And if they actually need to be raked, you just stay with the group.

[12:51]

This is what I've heard. I don't know. You know, I may be, you know, speaking out of turn here. But anyway, in Southeast Asia, sometimes they're just standing. Standing there. Because they're watching their minds. I mentioned this to Mel, you know, who's... And Mel said, oh, I guess they think they're... I guess they still think their minds are up here. So we have, of course, in Zen, when you wash the rice, wash the rice. So that didn't... I didn't like that for the title. So anyway, it ended up being tomato blessings. But potato fiascoes would have been, you know, I think, so much better. Everybody loves it. They laugh. They say, potato fiascoes, like, let me take a look at that. So, but anyway, not always so. Who knows whether that's going to be catchy. Or not, but that's what we decided to call it. At one point, I thought of calling it...

[13:54]

This is sort of in the same vein, you see. There's two or three places in here, he says, it's quite all right. So I like that, it's quite all right. He says, even if you die, or I die, it's quite all right. It's all right. It's quite all right. And if it's not all right, you're not a Zen student. That's one of the strong things he says in here. And he's dying, you know. He says, it's quite all right. Well, let's see. What did I tell you I'd read? Oh, not always so. All right. So we decided to put in little, you know, epigrams at the beginning. Pull quotes, I guess they are. From the lecture, so the pull quote here is, Real freedom is to not feel limited when wearing this Zen robe. This troublesome formal robe.

[14:55]

Similarly, in our busy life, we should wear this civilization without being bothered by it, without ignoring it, without being caught by it. In Buddhist scripture, there is a famous passage that explains, Water is not just water. For human beings, water is water. But for celestial beings, it is a jewel. For fish, it is their home. And for people in hell or hungry ghosts, it is blood or maybe fire. If they want to drink it, water changes into fire and they cannot drink it. The same water looks very different to various beings. Most people think that water is water is the right understanding and that it should not be a home or jewel, blood or fire. Water should be water.

[15:57]

But Dogen Zenji says, Even though you say water is water, it's not quite right. When we practice Zazen, we may think this is the right practice and we will attain something correct and perfect. But if you ask Dogen Zenji, he may say, Not quite right. This point is a good koan for you to study. When we say water is water, we understand things materially. We say water is H2O. But under some conditions, H2O may be ice or mist or it may be vapor or a human being. It is only water under some circumstances. For convenience, we may tentatively say water is water. But we should appreciate water in its true sense. Water is more than water. When I'm drinking water, water is everything.

[17:02]

The whole world is water. Nothing exists besides water. When we drink water with this understanding and attitude, that is water. And at the same time, it is more than water. When we just sit in meditation, we include everything. There's nothing else. Nothing but you. That is Shikantaza. We become completely ourselves. We have everything and we are fully satisfied. There's nothing to attain. So, we have a sense of gratitude or joyful mind. I think I understand why you practice as in most of you are seeking for something. You seek for what is true and real. Because you've heard so many things you cannot believe in. You're not even seeking for what is beautiful.

[18:05]

Because you've found that something that looks beautiful may not actually be beautiful. It's just the surface of something or an ornament. You are also aware of how people can be hypocritical. Many people who appear to be virtuous don't convey real gratitude or joyful mind. So, you don't trust them. You don't know whom to trust or what teaching to believe. So, you come here looking for something. I cannot give you what you are seeking. Because I myself don't believe in any particular thing. I don't say water is water or water is a jewel or a house, fire or blood. But as Dogen Zenji said, water is more than that. We may want to stick to righteousness, beauty, truth or virtue.

[19:08]

But it's not wise to seek for something like that. There is something more. I have noticed you like to travel. Today Alaska, the next day India and Tibet. You are seeking for something whether it is a fire or jewel or something else. When you realize it is not always so, you cannot believe in those things anymore. And your way of seeking the truth will change. Otherwise, you will be sticking to something. To seek for a great teaching like Buddhism is to seek for something good. Whatever you find, you will be like a sightseer. Even though you don't travel in your car, spiritually you are sightseeing. Oh, what a beautiful teaching. How profound, how deep. This is a really true teaching. To be a sightseer is one of the dangers of Zen practice.

[20:14]

Be careful. To be captivated by the teaching doesn't help at all. Don't be fooled by things whether it is something beautiful or something that looks true. This is just playing games. You should trust Buddha, trust the Dharma and trust the Sangha in its true sense. Real freedom is to not feel limited when wearing this Zen robe. This troublesome formal robe. Similarly, in our busy life, we should wear this civilization without being bothered by it, without ignoring it, without being caught by it, without going anywhere, without escaping it. We can find composure in this busy life. Dogen Zenji says to be like a boatman. Although he is carried by the boat, he is also handling the boat. That is how we live in this world.

[21:17]

Even though you understand how to live in this world like a boatman, that does not mean you are able to do it. It is very difficult, which is why you practice Zazen. Yesterday I said, however painful your legs are, you shouldn't move. And some people may have understood what I said literally. What I was really saying is that your determination to practice Zazen should be like that. If it is too painful, you can change your posture, but your determination should be like that. And should be is also a good example. It is not necessarily so. The secret of Soto Zen is just two words, not always so. Whoops! Whoops! Three words in English.

[22:21]

In Japanese, two words. Not always so. This is the secret of the teaching. It can be so, but it is not always so. Without being caught by words or rules, without too many preconceived ideas, we actually do something. And doing something, we apply our teaching. To stick to something rigidly is laziness. Before you do something difficult, you want to understand it. So you are caught by words. When you are brave enough to accept your surroundings without saying what is right and what is wrong, then the teaching that was told to you will help. If you are caught by the teaching, you will have a double problem. Whether you should follow the teaching, or how to follow the teaching, or whether to go your own way. This problem is created by grasping the teaching. So practice first, and then apply the teaching.

[23:24]

We practice Zen like someone close to dying. There is nothing to rely on, nothing to depend on, because you are dying. You don't want anything. So you cannot be fooled by anything. Most people are not only fooled by something, they are also fooled by themselves, by their ability, their beauty, their confidence, or their outlook. We should know whether or not we are fooling ourselves. When you are fooled by something else, the damage will not be so big. But when you are fooled by yourself, that is fatal. You may feel some resistance to this Zen way of life, or to your life in the world, but don't be lost in resistance. Do you understand? If you are deeply involved in resistance or fight, you will lose yourself. You will lose your strength,

[24:28]

your friends, and your parents. You will lose everything. Your confidence, the brightness of your eyes. You are a dead body. And no one will say, Oh, I am sorry. No one will say so. Look at your face in the mirror and see if you are still alive or not. Even though you practice Zen, if you don't stop being fooled, it won't help at all. Do you understand? Let's practice hard while we are still a little bit alive. Thank you very much. So, do you understand? That's actually one of, I think, the strongest, you know, talks in here. Many of them are not so intense.

[25:31]

But this is Suzuki Roshi's way, you know, to point out how we can get caught. And to, as I said, you know, to challenge us. Don't fool yourself. Don't be caught by the teaching. Don't be caught by something true or beautiful that you stick to and try to hold on to. Defend yourself. But anyway, fortunately, you see, that's not the only talk in here, so you can go on to the next one. Well, I don't know what you'd like to do tonight. I'm, you know, I have lots of things I can talk about. I think I'll read you one other little passage, and then if you have some questions or comments or interests, we'll go there.

[26:34]

I'd like to read you the, I could read you the Table of Contents. That's sort of fun. But you can always open up the book and read the Table of Contents. But I was thinking of this because, you know, on the landing between here and the Kaisando, there's that marble frog. So I thought I'd read you, you know, about the sitting like a frog. And you can understand something about Suzuki Roshi's love of frogs from this story, from this lecture. A frog is a good example of our practice. When you've been practicing for a pretty long time, you will laugh, partly at someone who's involved in the wrong idea of practice, and partly at yourself, who's always sitting, sitting without doing anything, without making much progress. Recently on a calendar, I saw one of Sengai's drawings of a frog, along with Sengai's, saying, if we can become a Buddha

[27:37]

by the practice of sitting. He doesn't say anything more, but we can imagine what the frog is thinking. If people can become a Buddha by the practice of sitting, then I too can be a Buddha. For those of us who have some understanding of practice, when we see someone sitting to attain enlightenment, if you understand what Sengai is saying, oh, actually, a frog's way of sitting is much better than our Zazen. I always admired their practice. They never get sleepy. Their eyes are always open, and they do things intuitively in an appropriate way. When something to eat comes by, they go like this, gulp. They never miss anything. They're always calm and still.

[28:38]

I wish I could be a frog. Maybe that's before all these environmental hazards to being a frog. If you understand what Sengai is saying in his picture of a frog, you already have understood what Zen is. There's a lot of humor in his picture of our practice. Even though our practice is not better than a frog's, we continue to sit. When you have been practicing for a pretty long time, you will laugh, partly at someone who's involved in this wrong idea of practice, and partly at yourself who's always sitting without doing anything, without making much progress. You'll laugh at yourself, and when you can laugh at yourself, still your Zazen may be a beginner's Zazen or something worse than a beginner's. Sometimes I'm ashamed of myself when I see a student

[29:40]

who's practicing very well. Oh, he is very good. I wish I could be that young again, but it's too late. Anyway, our practice cannot be better than a frog sitting, but that's okay. It's inspiring, not only for me, but for everyone. If your Zazen is good enough to give a good impression, then your Zazen is pretty good, even though you don't think so. Likewise, even though you think your Zazen is very good and you're proud of your enlightenment experience, if your Zazen does not inspire anyone, it may be wrong practice. When we talk about the precepts, we say not to do this like Zazen. You cannot do something bad at the same time. If you continue to do something good, that is how to observe our precepts. So the point is just to sit,

[30:41]

forgetting all about fame or profit. Just sit for the sake of Zazen. That is to have real way-seeking mind to find out your inmost desire. So what are you interested in tonight? Any comments, questions, interests? Besides buying the book and having Ed sign it, what are your other interests? What did you learn about Suzuki Roshi by doing this book that you didn't know before? Thank you. In a way,

[31:45]

what a struggle it was for him to talk and to express himself and how really tremendously challenging it was to speak in English. I was just thinking about that when I explained that earlier, but also I didn't tell you, but from time to time I'm challenged by doing a lecture. One time I complained to Katya Girish and I said, it's so hard to think of something to say that might be relevant to people and then you'd like to say something that would enlighten them on the spot. Even great Zen teachers couldn't necessarily do that, so why would I think I could do that? I said, but it's so hard to give a talk. Katya Girish said, at least you know the language. Not a lot of sympathy there, right?

[32:46]

But reading over the lectures especially, I was struck by how and not only what a challenge, but then how carefully and continuously Suzuki Rishi kept aiming to say what he wanted to say and kept working at it within a sentence or a paragraph or a lecture and kept at it seeing if he could connect and express something to people. And I also I would say similar to what I said at the beginning of the evening also is that at the time I didn't appreciate the fact that I wasn't getting any instruction. I thought I should get some instruction. I thought I should be told what to do. Can you just tell me what to do? I'll do it. And so reading this book it's not exactly what about Suzuki Rishi but about Zen

[33:51]

or Suzuki Rishi's Zen and how much it is why don't you just have confidence in you yourself in your capacities in your being have confidence and trust yourself. And whether you call that trusting Buddha trusting Dharma trusting Sangha but you have the capacity to find your way in this life and there's one lecture in here of course where he says the teaching is just for you and if you don't find your way in your life no one else is going to do it for you. And I hadn't quite there's a sort of different level of the kind of tremendous kind of trust and confidence that he had in people to find their way. And of course he's a little mischievous so he says you should express yourself fully and then we have rules to help you and sometimes

[34:51]

you should break the rules then we'll get to know you better then your teacher can really help you. So also that kind of well again I knew Suzuki Rishi had a good sense of humor but it comes through in here in little ways like the frog and the you know sometimes you should break the rules. Yes, Laura. Are there examples of times where because Suzuki Rishi could speak English so well that he actually ended up expressing himself in a more original or even more clear way? Well, it's hard to know but yes I would say so. And because you know even to say something like Shikantaza is just to be

[35:52]

yourself. You don't read that any place. You know nobody people don't that's not a classic view and so there's a kind of ordinariness and very straightforwardness to his language that comes through over and over again and where things are put in those kind of terms which are actually terms that you know in a certain sense we can actually relate to and it's not trying to make yourself over and be a Buddhist exactly but being a Buddhist is to be yourself and I just I just find that that's so rare. You know recently I did a little piece for Tricycle being you know I don't know the next Tricycle probably but the my editor at Harper Collins Hugh Van Dusen who you know he's called the editor but he's not you know actually involved

[36:53]

in the book particularly except to say I like that and you know thank you and but his daughter Caitlin they used to he used to go home and cook vegetarian meals with his daughter so this is a woman who's been cooking vegetarian meals and making bread and so she now works for Tricycle Hugh Van Dusen's daughter Caitlin so but I wrote this piece she said would you write a piece on Buddhism the body and bread baking so I thought sure I can do that so I wrote this piece and then she just had to put in a should and a must I just wrote warm on your hand tepid on your wrist and she should and she put in should because that's just how people understand things should you must in order to practice here's what you have to do and that's so different than be yourself

[37:53]

what is your inmost desire practice your inmost wish and I'm not going to tell you what your inmost wish is and that's so unusual like and that any of us could trust ourself or convey that kind of confidence to others this is so amazing and it was such a gift for us and in reading this and going to lectures and working on them I just was appreciating that more and more how truly liberating that is when somebody doesn't tell you what to do and this is right how to do it so that's really wonderful so I got Caitlin anyway to take out the must and the should you must so much of Buddhism is so strident you must you must be mindful

[38:55]

you must really? in order to what? are you going to hit me? anyway this is a rare chance yes I don't know I don't know that he was I don't know that he was I wouldn't say that but you know it's also one of those things where you couldn't quite say well he was unhappy and you know we just read not always so which would mean you know it's not always so that you're happy or that you're unhappy

[39:55]

or that you ought to aim to be happy and that it's important to be happy and if you're not there's something wrong it would be nice yes and he does there are a number of talks in here about problems and that's an interesting one because on one hand he says you might think that you could practice better if you didn't have any problems but you need some difficulty or your practice won't work but not too much difficulty then there's another lecture where he says you should have you know you have just enough problems don't go making more problems for yourself you're like you know he had that quote in his book in Crooked Cucumber when I was growing up my father he said raised pigs because we were very poor and and so oh that's this

[40:56]

oh that's that there we go hold on just a second hold on so you you like to have problems you know and you want you want to give yourself more of them so there's this whole sort of there's many things in here about problems and then and then at one point he says homemade cookies problems are like homemade cookies and if you didn't if you didn't make so many homemade cookies you know you make so many of them I have to help you eat them if you would make fewer problems for yourself I could just go back to Japan and I wouldn't have to so you know having cookies is important

[41:57]

but don't not too many so cookies has to do with problems and then so here he is talking about problems and how how important it is to have problems hindrances are the way you know difficulties are the way problems and you know don't spend your life avoiding your weak point Zazen is a good place to have problems and so if you practice then you will find your weak point you know why would you spend your life avoiding that and putting all that effort and energy into avoiding your weak point go ahead and have your weak point and work on it even if it doesn't make any difference and he says I was always absent minded and because I worked on it it's not that I'm less absent minded but I learned a lot then there's one lecture in here he says if you have problems you're not practicing right he says you know

[42:58]

people in the olden days used to carry like big jars in their heads like honey or something and if you're walking in you know if it spills and you stop and you say oh no I spilled and he said that's not practice no in practice you just keep going whether you have the jar on your head or not so you're like really huh and if you think that's a problem then you're not a Zazen student so that you know there's this you know both are true you know that and so if you think that Buddhism would be to be happy then you know you could keep measuring and assessing I'm happy I'm not happy I'm you know and then the success or failure of your practice would be dependent on my current state of mind you know I must be practicing well because I'm happy I must be practicing poorly because I'm not but practice is you just keep going you know

[43:59]

that's our life we just keep going and why would you attach to that moment when you were happy or weren't happy five minutes ago ten minutes ago twenty minutes ago but we love to do that I love to do that I don't know about you it's fun somebody said how are you and I said oh it's about the same I'm involved in my usual melodramas yes can you talk about your own experience of going from wanting to be told what to do to dealing with the fact that you weren't yeah that's that's that's real formidable it's real formidable to finally take on your life yeah and I that's something that has been happening for me little by little over the years you know little steps the most recent one was about a year ago I've been living with Patricia for this was

[45:01]

I don't know it's at least eighteen years it might be nineteen now and a year ago it occurred to me I thought huh I guess I guess Patricia isn't going to be the mother I always wanted that I never had darn and I'm not going to be able to coerce her into it or force her or you know get her to take care of me or you know do this stuff for me that you know she should be doing because you know she says she loves me and you know etc I guess I'm going to have to go ahead and be that person that I've been looking for all my life oh duh and maybe that partly came from having worked on these lectures you know that you know I'm going to have to do it I'll have to do it and that one lecture in here where he says the teaching is just for you he says nobody else is going to take over you know do your practice

[46:02]

isn't that great I just opened right to that page wow that's cosmic haha usually when we practice we expect something if we try hard our practice will improve if we aim at a goal in our practice we will eventually reach it we have the idea that our practice will improve day by day blessings Laura are you leaving or are you just turning on the lights oh well thank you uh we have the idea that our practice will improve day by day and it will help our health and mental condition this is true but that's not a complete understanding we also do zazen with the understanding that the goal is not reached in one or two years but it's right here here is the goal of practice when you practice with this understanding you take care of many things and you remain concentrated completely involved in the practice you have

[47:07]

that's why we have various instructions so you can practice hard enough to feel the goal of practice right now as you are doing it you may say my practice is not good enough to feel the goal or the full meaning right now but even though you say your practice is not good enough there's no other practice for you right now good or bad that is your practice to approach perfect practice there is no other way than to accept yourself to say your practice is bad does not help your practice to say your practice is excellent does not help your practice is your practice you are talking about it in various ways good or bad that's all we should know this point first of all so we say even though your practice is not so good that is perfect practice just sit hearing this

[48:09]

you may understand it objectively and use it as an excuse anyway we're sitting here in the zendo so this is perfect practice see how hard it is to say anything so we go back and forth there's no need to encourage ourselves and there's no need to sit all day long if we sit a little bit that's okay even one period is enough that kind of understanding is very superficial you have no understanding from your subjective side truth is always here but just to say so when you are not actually practicing the truth is what we call a painted cake a picture of a cake you cannot eat even though you are sitting you are eating a painted cake so there's no taste and you give up because it doesn't mean anything oh it doesn't result in anything so maybe better to go downtown and eat something instead of eating the food zen center provides you may you may be pleased

[49:10]

when people call you a zen student when your practice is encouraging your ego you are not practicing zen when you sit like that zen does not mean anything true zazen cannot be like that if zen were like that it would have vanished from this world a long time ago zen is still alive because of the other side of the truth various ancestors and great sages of buddhism have said buddha left this teaching just for me not for anyone else buddha left the lotus sutra just for Nichiren if that side is forgotten the buddha's teaching is nothing but waste paper just for me is not arrogance it means you have full appreciation of the teaching as you're on zen that is the spirit we need in our zazen practice everyone can be Nichiren everyone can be Dogen or Bodhidharma because I practice zazen there is buddha

[50:10]

there is dogen and bodhidharma and there is buddha's teaching you realize that you are the only being in this world and no one else can take over your position that's true all the teaching is just for you when you're young you have no such feeling you'll think you'll live 50 or even 100 years more so today is not so valuable for you if you become my age you will really feel I'm just this one being no one can take over my position so I must not fool myself this point is very important for everyone but especially for those who practice our way without this confidence or understanding you will expose the weakness of your practice oh no I am not good enough look at me I cannot practice zazen zen is so beautiful and so perfect but it's impossible for me to do this practice you will feel

[51:10]

the weakness of your character and of your conduct and being preoccupied in this way you won't be able to sit but whatever you say about yourself you are the only one you cannot escape because the whole world is yours this is beyond the truth that we can talk about this is ultimate truth how can you deny the fact that you are the only one you can criticize yourself that's easy but when you accept the fact that you are the only one you have no time to say good practice or bad practice because you turn a deaf ear to this truth you have time to criticize yourself when you realize this point you can see or hear the truth and you can practice zazen you can accept the truth whatever it is to practice is to open

[52:11]

yourself up to everything you see as an embodiment of the truth this is why we practice zazen why everyone can join our practice and why this practice includes every activity in your life this is not a practice that can be compared to other practices as a means of attaining something from the experiences of many people instructions were accumulated for the forms we use and the way we breathe just as scientific knowledge is accumulated but Buddhist wisdom puts emphasis on the subjective side of the truth that's why we say everyone is Buddha that is how we transmit Buddha's teaching to everyone it's not just a paper transmission the subjective side has always been with us and this point has always been emphasized without losing the objective side of the truth sometimes people who

[53:11]

call themselves spiritual ignore the objective side of the truth that is also a mistake but to be caught by the objective side of the truth and rely on it with an idle attitude will not help even though we can go to the moon it doesn't help so much as long as we rely on objective scientific truth it doesn't help only when each one of us feels the truth appreciates accepts and is ready to follow the truth will it work when someone puts himself outside the truth in order to study the truth he won't know what to do when something happens to him in an ancient Chinese story there was a person who liked dragons very much he talked about dragons he painted dragons and he bought various kinds of dragons so there was a dragon who thought if a real dragon like me visited him he would be very happy one day the real dragon sneaked

[54:11]

into his room and the man didn't know what to do he could not even run away he could not even stand up for a long time we have been like the man who admired dragons but we should not just be the dragon's friend or admirer we should be the dragon itself then we will not be afraid of any dragons so we are ready to study our way subjectively as well as objectively when you practice in this way zazen will become your own zazen as you are Buddha you will express your true nature in various ways that is freedom from the forms of practice whatever you do you will really be you you will be a Buddha in its true sense there is a big difference between practicing practice with this understanding and lazy practice with poor superficial understanding of form instruction and teaching after all

[55:12]

as Buddha said there is no one you can rely on so you should be the boss of everyone then you will understand Buddha's teaching and our practice as your own thank you very much there is another lecture in here about being the boss of everything he says but if I say this you are going to misunderstand and you will think that you are actually the boss of everyone and everything and that is not what I mean all right well we have been at this about an hour don't you think that is long enough you are the boss there are lots of books Ed is going to stay behind to sign thank you all for coming thank you it has been a pleasure thank you for being here

[56:04]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ