I wanted to, I guess, first of all, remind you about our little exercise in the game last night where we noticed that there's actually some way that we have to you know, after we've been asleep, wake up in the morning and there's some point where we start to feel like ourselves again. This is very interesting, isn't it? What is it about that particular self that's so attractive? Why would you organize yourself each morning into that self rather than some other self? But anyway, there's something familiar about it. And we noticed that there is, we actually do that in some sense.

[01:07]

We actually, in some way, organize ourselves and remember, oh yes, I like this, I don't like that. I have this problem, not that one. I'm going to get myself energized and I'll get going. So we tried that out. So there's actually some way we do that. We don't just, the way we are is not just sort of blank. And, you know, this also has something to do with, you know, what is liberation in Buddhism. You know, as much as anything liberation in Buddhism is liberating yourself from yourself, from the habitual way that you create yourself. And rather than sticking to that and then wondering, like, why doesn't the way I create myself work?

[02:10]

Anyway, we start to notice that the way we are ourselves actually has some problems. But in order to change that, of course, there are some difficulties, because you would have to break the rules. Or somebody else might say you're wrong. Or somebody else might abandon you. Somebody else might not love you if you didn't follow through on being yourself the way that you think is important to you. Anyway, then we tried being, you know, good. It was very, very successful. Some of us were better at it than others. Some of us, you know, were pretty good at being good, and some of us weren't very good at it. And then we tried being bad, and some of us were better at that than others.

[03:12]

Some of us did bad real good. And then, you know, we did a fourth, which is, what's it like to be a human being? Not being as good as you, not being as good as them, not being as good as them, not having a particular agenda or focus. Or not having any particular rule to follow or role to play. And so, this is also called, you know, going beyond. You know, going beyond who you've been as, going beyond good, going beyond bad. And it's what the Zen teacher Rinzai said. This is a person of no rank. A person of no rank.

[04:16]

It's just a human being for life. And we would notice, you know, it was pretty clear in the atmosphere of the room, how easy it was to be with other people of no rank. And there's kind of softness and tenderness in the air. And then you can imagine, though, and see the difficulty of it. How would you be able to be that person and, you know, successful and follow the form? And, you know, be someone of no rank when, you know, you start having a conversation with somebody. We didn't try that. You can lose your no rank status pretty fast as soon as somebody says, What are you doing here? You should be over there.

[05:21]

And then where does your no rank status stand and go? So this is why we can say things in Zen, like, you know, while it may be true that in an absolute sense or in a fundamental sense, there's no self. But self appears pretty quickly. Even though it doesn't have a real basis. And we can also see in that sense, you know, how easy it is to slip into, or go back to, you know, defending myself. Or, you know, criticizing somebody else. Or, I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to be me. And I won't let them stop me. Or, I'll see if I can help them.

[06:24]

You know, I don't want to be criticized. You know, so many things will come up. So, again, you know, we say in Zen, actually we try to do some formal practice with this kind of informal mind, with this mind of no rank. So the idea isn't to do formal practice really well so that you're good. Or, you know, to do formal practice so that, you know, you say, after a while, I'm really bad at this. I can't do it. But can you just go ahead and do some practice with this feeling of no rank and no particular agenda. But you manifest yourself in the form. Because this is also another way to practice. You know, as I've been saying, every moment there's some form.

[07:27]

The difference with, you know, practice in the meditation hall is the form is explicit. We tell each other what it is. When you get outside of the meditation hall, there's a form every moment, but you don't always know what it is. And the person hasn't told you what they expect, or what they assume, or what they want. And you haven't told them what you're doing there. You have your agenda, they have their agenda. What happens, you know, when you get out on the street? This is why there's traffic lights, you know. So there'll be some form. Because otherwise there's a form which is, you know, more like everybody trying to get where they want to go. Without, you know, any particular rules. So all the time something like this is happening, but we don't always know, like, who's trying to go where? Who's trying to get what? Why is this going on, and what's happening?

[08:29]

We don't understand the form. So here you have a form to see if you can practice it without any rank. In some relaxed way. Without really trying to be good at it, or, you know, worry about being bad at it. And so, you know, because of the formality of the practice of yuzendi, you have a real chance then to step out of being you. And just, you know, manifest the form of the practice. And again, you can do that because, you know, we specify it, we describe it. Now, this of course, you see, anyway, this does bring me to the next paragraph in the fukan yuzendi.

[09:34]

For as sad and a quiet room is appropriate, we are. Eat and drink in moderation. Let go of all involvement and let myriad things rest. Do not think good or bad. Do not judge right or wrong. Stop conscious endeavor and analytic introspection. Do not try to become a Buddha. How could being a Buddha be limited to sitting or not sitting? How could being a Buddha be limited to sitting or not sitting? How could a Buddha be limited to any particular medical condition? Any particular form? But, you know, this person of no rank, or the person who has gone beyond, you know, this is where, you know, we were practicing not thinking good or bad,

[10:37]

not trying to be good or bad, not worrying about being right or wrong. There we were. And we didn't feel at that time the necessity to defend ourselves or prove ourselves. Which right away, in the context of, well, what would prove what? And what would defend what? What would show us good? What would show us bad? Have they noticed? And all of those kinds of concerns we had. So again, we're trying to, you know, the aim of practice is that kind of mind in the context of, in the form of sitting, in the form of walking, of bowing, of chanting. I think the other thing that I wanted to bring up again this morning is

[12:15]

that I'm not sure how I want to talk about it, so you see I will need to just start talking. Or I might end up sitting here a long time speechless. But the question does arise, you see, if, if you're not busy being good, and you're not busy being good, and you're not busy being bad,

[13:24]

you're not busy defending yourself or attacking others, you're not busy proving yourself, you're not busy accomplishing something that would, or you would have something to show for yourself that would conflate you properly and conceal your skin pecs appropriately. Don't look at me, look at what I've accomplished. You know, what will you do? How do you pass your time? What do you do? This is a big question, you know, people often ask. You know, if you haven't decided ahead of time, I'm going to be like this, I'm going to do this, I'm not going to do that, I'll be, you know. If you decide all of that, now you limit your life. You know, to be a good person, or to be new, or, you know, and you have some way to do that.

[14:25]

Now you also feel a limitation of that. You know, one side of it is, this is a successful strategy that will save you certain kinds of woes. You know, and maybe various expressions of compassion or good heartedness on your part. But also now you find, this is, I'm imprisoned by the way I've thought about doing everything. You know, following my rules and fulfilling the roles I have in my life. Now, if you're not going to do that, then what do you do? How do you go about doing that? How would you know what to do? How would you know what to say? Well, you know what happens here, folks. You know, this is called, you know, this is a risky business. Now don't you think? You might have to risk something.

[15:26]

You might end up saying something or doing something that would be a risk, because it's, you know, it's out there. It's not in the context of the usual rules and rules you follow. So you risk. First of all, it's a risk. Secondly, now, when you're in that realm, you're going to be taking responsibility for whatever you do. So this is something that, you know, one of the reasons, one of the main reasons to not be awake. To not notice what's going on, is so you don't have to take responsibility for it. You know, you can blame circumstances. You can blame somebody else. You can blame your parents. You know, you can, and you can say, the way my life is, is not, you know, really,

[16:31]

I'm not doing my life. It's all the circumstances. You know, I can't, I can't, you know, say what I really feel, because I will be attacked by other people. Other people will tend to want you to go on being the you that you've constructed, and it will be disturbing to them if you suddenly, you know, are someone else. You know, this will end up causing a disturbance, in fact. And, you know, and so then, you know, this is why I say, there's a risk. It's something you hazard. And so, you have to decide, you know, on various occasions, you will be deciding, I'm going to risk this, or I'm not going to risk this. I will hazard this, or I'm not going to hazard this. And you pick your spot.

[17:33]

Well, not necessarily. When you pick your spots, aren't you back to being good? No, you still end up being bad, because you're breaking the rules. But you don't just decide, I'm breaking every rule all the time, wherever I can. But you are going to be open to, you're going to, at least on a particular occasion, you're going to say something you're not accustomed to saying, because you've had a rule about not saying that sort of thing. So there's a kind of wisdom there. But this is also now, so then I want to tie this into, you know, the third part of this talk now is, again, now, so what motivates that? What motivates you one way or another? You know, if there's not some external,

[18:43]

you know, precept, rule, guideline, you know, if you're not following something in order to be you, or following something to be good, you know, or not following something, you know, to be bad, you know, being bad in that sense, you're still, you're still recognizing that there's a rule, but I'm going to break it. But I believe in that rule. Anyway, so, at some point, you know, we're interested actually in context, in the practice of, you know, what is your true, big desire? Your true heart's desire, or what is your inmost request? There's something in us, so to speak, something in us, our, for lack of a better word, our heart, you know, wants, wishes. And when this is, you know,

[19:47]

we, in part of practice then, is like to, in a certain sense, uncover, or reveal to us, what is our true heart's desire? So, in a certain sense, you know, if you sit here for a year or two, and then, you know, after a year or two, you know, you may realize, you know, we had people, a famous case in Katahara, someone came to a breakfast period and realized, I want to be a rabbi. And so then he went to rabbinical school, and now he's a rabbi in San Francisco, and he has started, you know, a meditation group in his congregation, and he's involved in Jewish-Buddhist, you know, conferences. We actually have, you know, two Jewish abbots now,

[20:49]

in San Francisco, you know, Norman Bishop, and that's right, those two are Jewish. And so Norman, especially John Allen, flew for a long time, David Prince, and Christ Wilson, so they do events together. But anyway, you know, this practice isn't just about, you know, getting it right, or being a good sensitive, it's something about, and you do, you know, at some point you're realizing, because you are quiet enough, because you're not so busy anymore being good, or being bad, or being you, you know, something else now is a chance to what you want. And it's there, you know, but also you can refine it, or clarify what it is you want. And, you know, the motivation for doing something in your life, or the motivation in that sense for risking something,

[21:50]

is because it's something you want. You want to, you know, express yourself, or you want to connect with somebody, or you want to be, feel at home in your life. You want to know how to trust your mind and body. You want to be able to trust yourself to move forward in your life. So this is, you know, the motivation, I think, comes from you. This is not something that fits in. It tells you what your motivation should be. You know, but, this is like, you know, dealing with someone, that the heart has reasons, which reason can never know. And there's no explanation for that.

[22:52]

You know, there's nothing. You know, and when your heart moves, and somebody else says, you know, from a very reasonable point of view, it challenges you what you're doing, you know. I mean, the classic example is, you know, I'm feeling afraid. There's no reason for you to feel that way. You have nothing to be afraid of. Oh, thanks. But, actually, I have this feeling, you know, so feelings are not, you know, thoughts. And, actually, you, you know, and so, along with this, you, you know, it's useful probably to recognize that, you know, if you want to have vitality, energy, stat, creativity, you know what else comes along with it? What usually would come along with risk?

[23:53]

Fear. Aha! So, if you don't have fear, you're not going to have the other ones either. Nobody yet, as far as we know, has figured out, you know, how to have energy, vitality, enthusiasm, you know, and how to be fear-free. So, actually, you know, to, you know, to, to come into what you want. And, Dogen says, you know, at the end of another piece, actually, you know, he says something very similar in the Bhutansa Sangha. At the end of the Bhutansa Sangha, the last sentence is, he says, Just practice thusness continuously and you will be thus.

[24:55]

The treasury will open of itself for you to use as you wish. The treasury will open of itself for you to use as you wish. I'm not just making this up. The reason why we practice some way is, so your treasury will open. Your treasury is your heart. You know, your, your deep wish, your, you know, pure desire or true heart's desire. You know, that's what is opening. And that, you know, and then use it as you wish. You know, using your, your energy, your life, your vitality as you want. And it comes out of, you know, your own heart.

[26:00]

And so, you know, you, you do that because it's your wish to do that. You don't do it because it's the good thing or right thing to do. You don't do it because you're, you know, trying to prove something or, you know, accomplish something and so forth. You do it because it's in your heart. You do it. And you risk something and you will go through the fear, you know, to go forward in your life. And this also means, you know, being willing to have some confusion. You know, or be awkward and be clumsy. But, you know, where you don't know what to say, you stumble over your words. Because, you know, none of us are going to get better at expressing ourselves by being stubborn.

[27:03]

I live with somebody, you know, who, and we're all like this, you know. I will hesitate to say something or Patricia will hesitate to say something because we feel like it would be hurtful or painful. And often, you know, the first way we have of saying it would be, but if we wait a little bit, you know, we may find some way to say something which is less hurtful, but it still expresses ourselves. This is the kind of study we're doing, you know. You don't necessarily have to say anything, but still you can say something. And, you know, we do that because at some point, you know, in that kind of way, I'm wishing to connect with somebody else. I'm wishing for somebody to, you know, know me more fully.

[28:14]

I'm wishing for somebody to meet me. And we also have this kind of wish. I want someone to meet me. And to recognize me, you know, this person of no rank, as opposed to. And then, you know, we can do all sorts of things, but I'll just, you know, I have a habit, for instance, like if I feel, when I feel really sad and really lonely and really scared, I feel like nobody wants to see me like this. So what do I do then? I hide. Because I believe no one wants to see me like this. I was telling some of you last night, you know, a woman called me up for a meeting, and I agreed. And then when she actually came over, I was feeling sad and scared and, you know, terrified.

[29:19]

She said, why didn't you call me? And we could have met another time, I said. But, you know, when I'm feeling this sad and scared and terrified and lonely, I can't think that fairly about what to do. So I didn't realize there was an alternative to meeting with you the way we had agreed to. And then, instead of my counseling her, actually she ended up counseling me, which I think was very good for her, because she's not used to being in the position of counseling anybody, and she thinks of herself as being completely helpless and having nothing to offer to other people. So actually that ended up working out really well. And she was quite happy to be with me under those circumstances. And of all the people I could be with, she's actually one of the best kinds of people to be with, because she's very used to all those feelings, and has been kind of admiring them for years. But, you know, there are various other people who, if I'm feeling that way,

[30:32]

or they will say, you know, they have more of the feeling like, can't you get it together? Or, gee, I thought you were a Zen teacher. What's your problem? You have a Zen teacher argument. So there will be various problems that people will have about my being that way. And, you know, some people will want to help me, and they will feel bad if they can't do anything to help me. If I can't help you feel better, then I'm a bad person. So anyway, we started talking about this, because the treasure store opens. This treasure is, you know, your own wish. Your own wish comes, you know, out the door. Your heart, you know, comes out.

[31:34]

And that means, you know, that you come out of hiding, and being quite as careful to, you know, make sure that what comes out is the way it's supposed to be, where everybody is there. Which is also for your idea of everybody. It's not actually necessarily what everybody expects. And the more, you know, I find also the more that I'm willing to express my heart, you know, and be left hidden, actually people appreciate that very much. And the more you do that, the more you give other people permission to be who they are. Because you're what we like to like to be and who you are. So we have this, you know, wish to

[32:42]

and it may be... So I want to encourage you to work on, or study what your wish is and how you would say it. Because this is something, you know, that is even more powerful when it's in your own word. And you understand that, you know, it's yours. I had a wish at one point. I want to... I wish to be able to breathe easily. And not be holding my breath. Why would I hold my breath? And also, you know, it turns out, you know, none of the problems are actually outside. You know, we need somebody we like or somebody we don't like.

[33:50]

And the person we like is because, you know, our projection of who they are matches close enough that we can stick our projection onto them. That's somebody I like. And somebody we don't like is somebody who, you know, we can put our projection of the dislikable person on them. That's not who that person is. You know, what we like or dislike is nobody out there is somebody we like or dislike. It's something in us that we put onto them and then we like it or dislike it. And so to have, you know, to, you know, people, you know, again, a kind of Jungian concept or therapy concept is when you get married, you know, to be married is to re-hunt your projections and find out who you're living with. And, you know, actually meet someone. And that's our wish, you know, over time, to actually meet someone. You know, it's not our wish to be able to maintain, endlessly maintain our projections.

[34:57]

If we're honest about it, you know, our wish is to be real. Get real. Rather than to go on pretending. You know, to continue to be involved with the pretense of meeting somebody else's projection or trying to, trying to be the person that they're projecting on us. And disappointing them because we're not, you know. And then what disappointment is that? Oh, you disappoint me. Well, what disappointment is that, you know, the projection you put out there isn't sticking. Anyway, you know, life is pretty complicated and subtle. There's nothing that's particularly simple. And it's hard, you know, to sort of think that. So one of the things you can do that way is to come back to what is your wish? What is your intention? What do you want?

[36:01]

And then you can try again to, you know, manifest it, to act it, to live it. You know, over and over again you try to live your, live your wish. Manifest your intention. And, you know, sometimes it will work and sometimes it won't. So, I was talking with somebody recently and she said she was tired a lot. And she's confused about what to do in her life. Now I told you, you know, confusion is probably not so bad because in order to go forward you have to go into confusion. If you know what to do all the time, then you don't necessarily go forward in your life. So to have a period of confusion is when you have a chance to turn and go in another direction.

[37:13]

Anyway, she has been confused. Do I stay at the center or leave? Whether it's one thing or another. What to do? And she said she's tired a lot. And the way that she, you know, has been constructing things, you know, she's actually made a decision. I'm not going to choose. If I start choosing what to do, I will create karma and consequences. So if I don't choose and I just do, like, the next thing, you know, then I'm not creating karma and consequences. Then I'm just going along with everything. Does that sound like it would be energizing? Now she's finding she's tired a lot.

[38:20]

So as we talked about it, you know, after a while she finally said, Oh, I've asked myself not to be creative. I've asked myself not to choose. Some part of me has gone to sleep. I asked it to. But that's, you know, in a certain way, you know, that was her wish not to choose. But now she's finding that maybe, you know, the wish not to choose isn't quite her wish after all. She's starting to wish, you know, for some creativity and some vitality and some movement. So anyway, what your intention is,

[39:25]

what your wish is, is very important. And the more you acknowledge it, you know, the more it has power in your life. You, by acknowledging your wish, you empower it to move you forward in your life. You know, so there's also, like in Buddhism, I wish to be happy. You know, a wish that's not depending on anything. That's very good. You see, you know, and if you've studied, like, how to be happy, you will realize pretty quickly, boy, that's better not depend on, you know, having an ice cream sundae every five minutes. If my happiness depends on the ice cream sundae, I can't eat that many ice cream sundaes. I can't have that many drinks. You know, I can't have that many cigarettes. I'm not going to be able to have that much chocolate. I'd better find out how to be happy, whether I have chocolate or not, whether I have a drink or not,

[40:25]

whether I have the cigarette or not, whether somebody is pleasant to me or not pleasant to me. I'd better just, if I want to be happy, it's going to have to be independent of anything. That's a challenge. But, there's an example, you know, if you want to be happy, you know, it's real helpful to acknowledge, I want to be happy. Which is different than, I want a cigarette. You know, theoretically, having your desire, or your momentary desire satisfied will give you happiness. But that's just theory. You know, you think, if I get what I want, I'll be happy. If I get this next thing, but actually then you just have something else you want, and something else you want, so you spend a lot of time not having what you want and wanting it, and then you'll be happy when you get it, but actually that usually doesn't last very long. So, if you're going to be happy,

[41:26]

how are you going to do that? If you really want to be happy, I mean, sure, then there's something like, well, go for it. You know, please. See if you can, you know, how to be happy, whether you have, you don't have, you are, you aren't, you can, you can't, success and failure, what about, I'm going to be happy, you know, I'm going to have, you know, I'm going to do it. And those kind of wishes that are unconditional, you know, it's not conditioned on anything. I want to be friendly. Or, you know, I, you know, I, you know, I want to know my heart. If you don't have a heart's desire that you can say, maybe you can at least say, I want to know my heart's desire. It's in my heart to know my heart's desire. So you don't, this is not something you settle once and for all, but something you can keep,

[42:27]

you know, entering into and exploring. This is your treasure store. It's your own heart, and the wishes, the wish is your own heart. And it moves your life forward. And we're all here because, you know, something in our heart brought us here. And we may get caught up in, you know, trying to get the forms right, being a good tennis team, and, you know, having some accomplishments, something to show for sitting, but, you know, what really brings us here is our heart. And, you know, some big wish for happiness, or, you know, awakening, freedom, spontaneity, however you want to, however you find to say it. So we're now, so now I'm all ready for the next part of the, our event this evening,

[43:30]

another Dharma talk, so now we can get into how to sit. That's next. But we, in the meantime you see, we skip forward to the end. So you have that, and then we can come back in a minute. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[44:41]

Thank you. [...] Good evening. Welcome to the third night, first night of our event. Do you like being back there by the wall? I mean, you're kind of like, we have this kind of circle here, which is everybody in the room, except the three of you, but I mean, do you like it? I mean, is that real comfortable for you, or would you rather be sort of included in, with the rest of us? Because we could probably make a little different, you know, we could probably make a somewhat different configuration

[45:44]

where we're kind of all in the same room. But you know, sometimes, I mean, you know, somebody might like to be apart from the group. I do that sometimes, because I think, why would I want to hang out with them? Well, so let's see. So I'm discussing this week, a chapter of Dogen's and his, the book on Suzuki. Recommending Zazen to everyone. This is one of the basic texts of the Soko school. One of the, you know, two or three most basic. Probably, if Dogen's writing the book on the Zen, he's again, just calling it, you know, the most often recited in Zen places. Most often recited in study.

[46:45]

So I guess, it might be useful for me to review what we've talked about. Hopefully without spending my whole lecture doing a review, because there are some new things I want to talk about. But the book on Suzuki starts out saying that the real way circulates everywhere. How could it depend on practice or enlightenment? The essential teaching is fully available. What need is there for help? The entire mirror is free of dust. So why take steps to policy? Nothing is apart from this great place. So why go anywhere? This is,

[47:52]

you know, so this is interesting for a basic question. This is a basic spiritual question, whether you're Christian or Buddhist or whatever, which is similar, as I mentioned, to Christianity. You know, if God is love, how come there's suffering in the world? God is all-powerful. Why are there, you know, Mark Twain wrote a whole little book about the man from Mars or letters from the Earth. And, you know, he wrote back, there's this character in the book writing back to his home planet saying, they actually, you know, worship this God and then they have all these flies and mosquitoes and ticks and they think that's his love. Anyway, this is, you know, a question. And the, you know, so this is also to say that the real way your life already

[48:53]

must be, you know, connected with everything and part of the real way. And difficulties and hindrances must be part of the real way as well. So this is to say there's not some real way that's special or different than your life already. And yet, somehow our life already seems like, couldn't it be a little different or couldn't we have some improvement or how about some calm or some compassion or enlightenment or something. The essential teaching, you know, various things here are described as essential teaching in basic Buddhism. Essential teaching is suffering, impermanence, and no self. Things don't work the way you want them to. Everything's changing. And who did you think we were anyway? And,

[49:55]

and it's not very possible to maintain yourself as you would like. There's no self to maintain and you can't do it. Anyway, however you want it. And, and you know the three basic perverted views are that we look for permanence in a world where essentially everything is changing. That's going to be a problem. How are you going to do that? And you look for ease in a world where there's suffering that's completely pervasive. That's going to be a problem. And you try to maintain a self which can't be maintained. So that's going to be a problem. So, you know, sometimes people summarize Buddhism as saying, you know, well get over it. Or, you know, usually they say it more politely like let's go. Anyway, it's easier to say that than to do it, of course. You know, Buddhism at an intellectual level is fairly simple.

[50:57]

and then there's actually getting it with your body which is different, right? So, that's what we kind of did. Anyway, that's about all I want to say about what we've talked about. Oh, except we may as well mention that other, you know, the last two paragraphs that we were talking about was, so cease chasing after words and, you know, phrases. Take a backward step and turn your life inward. Body and mind of itself will drop away and you will realize the original thing. Don't try to become a Buddha. What would being a Buddha have to do with sitting or lying down, in other words? Especially, don't try to be a Buddha by maintaining some posture or form thinking that if you get it, if you get good enough or right enough with the way you're doing it,

[51:58]

that would make you a Buddha. It's not going to work out like that. So, actually, if you aspire to be a Buddha, it's much better to understand you know, those who are running nose through the music and they're confused that there's a Buddha with painful knees and a bad back and the various kinds of problems that you have and you can understand that there's actually a Buddha with those problems. This is altering the usual conception of Buddhas who have no problems but, you know, those kind of problems for a Buddha are not such a problem, you know, are not such a problem. That's the difference between the Buddha and the ordinary being, right? For the ordinary being, those problems are real problems and for the Buddha, those problems are no problems. Big deal. Anyway. So, tonight and cease chasing after words

[53:00]

and, you know, phrases. That's, you know, standard advice and because we like to think that, you know, there's some it's kind of like people following the recipe. We'd like to think that there's some recipe that if we just had the right instruction or followed the right teaching it's all going to turn out all right. Just like, you know, you follow the recipe and you get the soup that the direction says you're going to end up with. The sea soup with, you know, cumin and coriander Moroccan lentil soup all of these directions. So, we have the same idea about practicing Buddhism. Get enlightened. All of these things. And this is what we're talking about. So, specifically tonight I want to talk to you

[54:01]

about sitting and about the posture of sitting because this is the next part of the Gensho of the Fuku-Kansei Zen is about the posture of sitting. So, in that sense I want to talk to you about form and, you know, how to practice form. The form of sitting which is as you can tell the most basic practice for Zen. Although this afternoon I was reading a lecture of Suzuki Roshi and he said cleaning first. Cleaning is first Zen is last. I don't remember hearing that before but this is what he said cleaning first then you can sit. But you need to clean the place you're going to sit first. And we actually did that one time that I can remember and Yvonne always remembers it that we went to the skyline up on Skyline Boulevard south of San Francisco

[55:01]

and there's this place that over the years has been various things and I think it may now be a little Buddhist group there but it's kind of nice out in the country and at one time it was kind of a school and we were invited to do like a day or two Zen and Suzuki Roshi got there and he looked around and he said okay we're going to clean and so then all the people there for about four hours we cleaned the kitchen and scrubbed that and everywhere because it was just filthy and he said okay now we can sit. Anyway we'll just assume for tonight that the last Zen is primary and now we're going to talk about it. So at the beginning of sitting you know we're encouraged to sit down and we bow facing the kitchen and bow away from the kitchen. It isn't in the futon of Zen but you know that bow is your hands are at your nose the tip of your fingers

[56:02]

come to your nose your hands are one hand width from your face from your nose your hands are together so this way you'll see your elbows come away from your sides and I've talked about this before but the sides of your body are how you connect with other people and so you're exposing yourself and you're allowing yourself to connect and sometimes you'll feel vulnerable by having your elbows and you feel like I better keep my elbows down this actually takes some intention to have your elbows away from your sides and then also it will take some focus so that your fingers don't do this so that you know your little finger doesn't separate from your hand and your thumb doesn't come out often times people have a tendency to have a little finger separate from the other finger or the thumb so this actually takes you know

[57:02]

the form it's not like you get the form but the fact is because there's this form you have to concentrate you have to focus you have to attend to it or it's not going to happen so you can focus and concentrate and attend any moment and you're going to you know the real way is there the real way is circulating but and the essential teaching is already there but most of the time we're not concentrating focused there's not much intention and so we don't you know we don't exactly notice how we're sitting or where our body is or where our hands are or our feet and then so you're going to have to you know to do this to do this you have to notice you have to find your hands out of all the possible things that you could be attending to you'll have to find your hands and have enough intention and focus in your hands to you know

[58:02]

bring them together and all the fingers together and and so there's a certain presence that comes along with the practice of the form so this is you know first thing I want to remind you about the practice of the form it's not the form per se but the form induces practice you know so by practicing the form you focus and concentrate the mindful your alert of your studying so it's not about accomplishing the form but it's about doing that you know doing what needs to be done in order to do the form you understand? anyway we bow to you know to the cushion the weight of the cushion and I mentioned to people yesterday that bow is actually when you bow facing the cushion it's a greeting to the people sitting on the other side of you so if you're already seated and you notice somebody's bowing to the cushion you can sit and bow while you're sitting and facing the wall

[59:02]

and you notice somebody down below bowing to their cushion you know even if there's some empty seats in between you don't have to bow to greet somebody you know after somebody's already seated down who are past that but if there are empty seats and somebody's bowing to their cushion you can return their bow when they bow you bow because that bow is greeting you so if it you know a certain life anyway you can return their bow and when you bow away from your cushion you're greeting the person sitting across from you so if you happen to be facing someone when they're bowing away from their cushion you can return their greeting anyway then you sit down and turn around and face the wall so then the posture of sitting the most traditional posture of sitting you know is cross-legged and we're all studying you know how to sit cross-legged or with

[60:03]

a chair so as far as that goes at some point you know what becomes important is the upper body and you know the pelvis so I'm going to concentrate on talking about you know the pelvis and the upper part of the body an exam like well first of all it's probably useful to remember and to be reminded that when you the body is considered in a sense to be an expression of consciousness the body and the consciousness are not two different things so again this is a reason to practice form because in other words if you change your posture or attitude you know if you change your body physically you're literally changing your posture changing your attitude

[61:03]

you know so this is one kind of attitude you know and this is another kind of attitude you know and you can be you know suspicious or you can be timid or you can be scared or you can be a lot of things and it goes right into your body and you've got your body organized to be you and to do the things that you're used to doing the posture of zazen is intended to be a way for you you know to leave free of your habit and enter a different you know attitude mind posture of mind and so the posture of zazen is a kind of you know even though it's a particular posture it's intended to be a posture that is in a certain sense rather free free compared to you know a posture that more obviously is suspicious

[62:07]

or scared or angry and you know how you have your head is if you if you do this with your head this is how to keep others from I'm not going to let them tell me anything pull your chin way in in zazen we say lengthen the back of your neck and have your chin in but if you overdo that that's how to not let anybody tell you anything most of us are more accustomed to the side of your neck here is more about and most of us will tend to say that you know the back of our head comes down the chin goes out and this is the way to coerce yourself before others can so you limit yourself

[63:08]

before others have a chance and you disembody yourself or this is a way to cut yourself off from your body and usually before others say hey get out of your body don't be so big quiet down be smaller don't be a problem by being so big in your life anyway you get a nice disconnect from your body but anyway various practices will go along with various attitudes so zen like yoga and you know many eastern things and other practices which are also in this country now building towards now various techniques you know body based therapies and techniques so if you change your body you change your attitude you change your mind you change your consciousness so you know it's difficult to just change your consciousness directly how do you do that

[64:11]

so what people understood in zen is work on changing your consciousness by changing your posture by practicing having a different posture ok this is the philosophical background of this right so what is this posture and you know like yoga and other traditions you know much of this is focused on the spine and the way in which the shape of the spine influences the spine you know and the way the shape of the spine you know influences your state of consciousness and so zen along with yoga and other traditions you lengthen the spine and you sit up straight so first of all you know in order to and sitting up straight means the smaller the back curves in the chest area curves out the neck curves in the head you know the back

[65:13]

so the straight having your spine straight means the natural curvature of the spine so when you say have your spine straight so that also means if you sit with your back against the wall you know the wall should touch your back at the sacrum at the chest and probably not quite the head your head usually doesn't quite get back towards the wall in fact that your head would be back towards the wall so you know if you don't have a zapu and use the back there's a reason why you have a zapu right if you just sit down on the floor and you may or may not all be able to see this but you know I can't tilt my pelvis forward enough to have my the small of my back in right I can't do that when I'm on the floor here it's physically impossible

[66:13]

for me some of you may be limber enough that you could sit on the floor and have the small of your back a little bit in but if I sit on the floor here the small of my back collapses backwards and then so what about now the upper part of my body is also collapsed forward the shoulders round right my shoulders round forward my chest collapses a little bit and then the you know and then I'll you know get a really nice pinch here in the back of my neck and I'll have my chin out and I want to you know this is the way we used to sit back in the 60's only you'd be stoned and then you'd say and then you could sit there like this and you have your chest nice and collapsed you don't feel much because in order to feel you have to like open this area a little more physically the area of the heart and you don't feel much from down here and you're not noticing much of that anyway because you've got yourself your head cut off from your body anyway by doing this with your head and then you go like oh wow man

[67:14]

oh wow and you kind of try to set things up so that you have an interesting life up here in your head and you hope the rest of it kind of behaves itself and doesn't cause you any problems you know the typical attitude is tell your body what to do and hope it does and you know you tell your body what to do and you expect it to comply without any complaints you know otherwise what's wrong with you body you know aren't you the kind of servant that would just do anything I say no matter what how stupid it is anyway I'm going to talk to you a little bit more about that in a while but you know so the first thing when you sit down is you know I'm going to start with you know you're sitting down and you want to have a zapu that's big enough that when you sit on your zapu you actually can

[68:16]

and it will depend on how you have your legs crossed but you actually can tilt your pelvis from you know that from you know that place where the pelvis you couldn't get your pelvis forward you actually can tilt your pelvis enough so the small of the back is slightly in and you know when I had my pelvis tilted like this right if I'm tilted like this and the upper part of my body is rounded forward if I try to sit up straight you know to open this after a while I fall over backwards why is that that's because the pelvis is tilted backwards the foundation isn't stable and balanced so when I go to straighten up I fall over so you want to be able to have a zapu that's big enough you know and that's why there's zapus at various heights and there's support cushions and things but you want a zapu that's big enough so that you actually can tilt your pelvis forward enough the small of the back is slightly in and then it should be fairly easy for you to

[69:17]

you know the shoulder blades now are said to be in line with the ears in the fukan jutsu it says you sit up straight so your shoulder blades so your ears are in line with your shoulders before you know the ears kind of come here in front of the shoulders and so the ears are in line with the shoulders the nose is said to be in line with the navel as opposed to again you know looking forward the nose you know something like that but the idea is that now this you're able to have the small of your back slightly in and then you can have your chest you know you can actually open your chest and opening your chest doesn't mean to pull your shoulder blades back but your shoulders are comfortably you know out to the side here as opposed to rounding forward or being pulled back your shoulders are in a kind of neutral position your body is in a kind of neutral position

[70:19]

you know left to right and forward to back you know you're not leaning you're not leaning to the right or left you're not leaning forward or back your whole posture is aligned and actually the straighter you can sit straight meaning the natural curvature of the spine the straighter you can sit the more relaxed and the less effort it is it may take some effort to find what is straight but there's a reason for this and I'm going to explain to you why that is and it's a little bit like what I was saying before but you know as far as pelvis if my pelvis is a little bit off here and I go to sit up straight now I have to you know use more muscle because if I relax I fall or another example you know is if your hips if your hips are you know one hip is a little bit lower

[71:20]

see if my right hip is a little bit lower and then you know I have to and then my so my body is going this way and then I get it organized to go this way and then I get my shoulders straight and then my head is straight that takes a lot of effort to maintain that curve because if I was to actually relax my body I would start falling over to the side where I'm off balance so you know the more carefully actually you can find a posture that left to right and this is going to be start with your hips and your pelvis actually right that's what you're sitting on so you know so this means studying like well what is having your pelvis forward what is having your pelvis not back and a lot of this you know you can study like in the sacrum you know the sacrum is the triangular bone at the base of the spine it's actually a series of bones I guess

[72:20]

but basically it's like just one bone it's got the whole thing triangular bone is the base of the spine where your spine is attached to the pelvis and how you position your sacrum has something to do with your vitality your power your energy it's where you can empower yourself it's one of the places in your body where you can empower yourself and disempower yourself so for instance as a general principle you know and you can just see it in posture right if I sit like this and the sacrum is tilted back this is a way to say no no I won't no and that no goes into the neck as no

[73:21]

I won't no I won't ok so that's one way to say no so if you tilt your pelvis forward you know and you can tilt your pelvis forward as far as you can then you're in a position and I sit like this a lot I get my pelvis really far forward and then you can be like this see yes I'm going to do this I'm going to do it just the way it should be done yes this is the way it's done ok and then so the other extreme of your pelvis is a yes and with your head then lengthening the back of your neck is yes ok and then if you do you know if you do yes with your pelvis and then this with your head this is yes but and if you

[74:21]

if you tilt your pelvis back but get your neck long then this is no but so you can you know and you can study this anytime you want you know if you have some question in your life well you know where does your pelvis want to go with it yes or no you know where does your neck want to go with it where is your neck happy about this where does it just where is your neck ending up where is your pelvis ending up when you're in the middle of something anyway there's actually no you know even though we say there's a way to say it there's actually no set fixed form that you can attain so I'm going to tell you a story about this see if it helps you understand so many years ago I was sitting in Zazen like this I had my sacrum pressed

[75:22]

far forward so the small of my back is quite you know a rounded forward and then it's easy to sit up as I was just saying very straight and then you know I was sitting like this and then you know the next thing I knew my pelvis dropped back so I was suddenly sitting like this and I thought what happened and so then I thought sit up this is the way it's done and then you know something in me just kind of went no and then I said yes this is the way to do Zazen this is the form I don't care so then pretty soon I was sitting there like this yes no yes no and my pelvis is coming back and I'm having this fight and then so finally after a while I said alright have it your way and I was sitting there like this for a little while

[76:22]

and then I felt my pelvis and sacrum going like excuse me but this is uncomfortable can I just come up a little bit so actually the more definite idea you have of where your body should be you know the more your body will resist because you're actually trying to find out and study you know with your sacrum where your sacrum would like to be okay this is different than you have some idea in your head because you've been told something you know by your Zen teacher about the way it should be and then you think I'm going to make it like that I don't care you know what problem you have with it but here's the way it's done and if you try to do that to yourself you will have lots of problems so you're actually studying you know where is it that the sacrum where your sacrum if you tilt it if you sit here

[77:22]

and you tilt your sacrum forward and you sit here and tilt your sacrum back and you know so I that time you know my sacrum is back and we move up a little bit and you know this is still a how about a little bit more and a little bit more and pretty soon I'm sitting up straight but I'm not doing this you know I'm not I'm not sort of holding this you know if you stick to anything if you hold anything it will be a problem so you actually take your awareness and you put it in your sacrum your hips and you study like where is the place where you're settled energetic calm you know vitality you're not you're not feeling like you know really slouchy and you're not overdoing it you know this is something you can study at any particular time you can find your place so sometimes

[78:24]

this is you know the understanding is like Picasso apparently used to teach art students to draw give them the exercise draw a perfect circle and sometimes they would try for weeks apparently nobody has yet to draw a perfect circle freehand so drawing this perfect circle can't be done but as an exercise as I was saying before if you try to draw a perfect circle you can get very focused very concentrated very much into your arm into your hand you know into the material because you have this thing to do draw a perfect circle you bring a lot of attention awareness you know vitality finding out inquisitive

[79:24]

joy perseverance you bring all this to steam you know and you do that then of course you find out that you can't do it and actually the way in which you can't do it is you so the way your circle is lopsided that tells you something about who you are something really basic about yourself and it's useful to know these really basic things about yourself you know rather than rather than thinking that basic thing about yourself is something you should fix or change or correct or improve maybe that's just you and you're lopsided in a certain way and actually you can have some compassion for somebody who's lopsided in that way and you can have some gratitude for being who you are and you don't

[80:25]

necessarily have to attain the perfect pose which can't be attained but in the meantime you're practicing and bringing a lot of attention and care and creativity and inquisitiveness to your practice studying you know where is my signal so if you get your hips level and balanced left to right you know front to back and you know this has a lot to do where your sacrum has a lot to do with whether you're settled if you just try to sit up straight you can be often like lifting off the cushion actually the sit straight means your pelvis is settling onto the cushion your head is extending away there's a slight there's a slight elasticity and that lengthening is you have like your rubber band if you just pick up the rubber band

[81:26]

without holding the other end you don't get any lengthening to get lengthening you have to be settled onto the cushion and lengthen up to the top of your head and then you know so at the beginning of this asana we say you know have your hands on your knees palm up lean from side to side and you know gradually come to a centered balanced upright settle in the futon zenkidoki it says settle into an immobile sitting position so you know I did this for two or three years without feeling a thing but folks this is not just an exercise you could actually feel your hips you know see if your hips are balanced and carefully balance the rest of your body left to right you know front to back and check out

[82:28]

your head and I actually found you know I do this kind of a spiral but you know you have to find your own way to do this there's various reasons I found to make a spiral out of it ahem but anyway if you then you carefully balance yourself there you are and then it said you know you can lengthen up to the top of your head the crown sometimes people say suspend yourself from the crown shut up there so one way to do it is you sit up very straight and then lengthen your head here you relax everything else down until you're finished so you you've gotten up as straight as you can but then you don't want to be that stiff so let everything settle another way to have your head adjust your head is you let a soft breeze come against your face which pushes

[83:30]

your head back slightly and as your head is being pushed back there's a place where it eventually tends to look up and it likes to sit so you're actually sitting where your body likes to be this is not like putting your body in the right place this is sitting where your body likes to be how it how your body likes to be positioned where is the place you know wherever it is where you you know you feel now energy and alive in yoga it's understood that any part of your body where things are collapse you know if you if you collapse some part of your body like your chest chest is the place almost everybody collapses because if you don't you feel your heart and we get pretty used to not you know

[84:31]

feeling much in the way of the heart it's pretty hard to know there's so many painful feelings and compassion is to listen and feel things with your heart so you know one what so the usual advice from Zazen is to say don't collapse this area and then sit and if you're linking up to your head this area is now you know your chest is slightly lifted your shoulders are back and that's the chest area is open and this area you know if it's collapsed what I started to tell you there's an area part of your body that's collapsed that's the part of your body where the blood and chi and vitality are not flowing very well so it's a way that you know that you can make that part dead that's how we do it you know

[85:32]

you can and you know I've gone around saying this a lot but you know the main place where people's backs there's often a little curve right at the back of the heart with the backs and that's you know that's how that comes from you know on one hand it comes from concentrating on a lot of things in front of you and doing school work and computer things and we're always doing stuff in front of us and then we forget to sit up but it's also how to close your heart and a lot of us we have a habit of having our heart closed and there's no way you know to force your heart open but a general kind of reminder or a sense of you know if nothing else you let your breath open your chest you don't have to you know there's no it doesn't make sense to try to do this forcefully

[86:32]

or with your mind or with your muscle but you have some feeling of the posterior side not just paying something to do but the possibility of you know opening of your body opening your chest opening your back opening you know that you're not just sort of sitting here trying to the advice is don't set up a nest or den nest or den for most of us is here in the head and then from there you can see if you can like keep that sort of nice little place in your head and keep an eye out you don't usually get up in your head and then go okay I'm going to have my heart open you don't do that you get up in your head and then in order to be up here in your head in your little nest or den

[87:32]

then you've got to get your shoulders down get the chest closed and then you can hang out up here in your head you know we may have to do or maybe it would be fun for us to do finding out what your habitual posture is but that might be fun though so we'll have to decide you know we did last night you may have heard something but we did the same game last time so this is another game anyway um it's about 8 30 so I think I'm going to stop or pretty close to stopping anyway um but I do encourage you to you know

[88:33]

while we're sitting see if you can have some feeling of you know letting your body open letting your body unfold you know letting your breath help release any tension you have um you know take that on off in this talk um practice enjoying your breath Suzuki Rush used to say if you don't if you practice zazen you know just as though there was some right way to do it you know this won't be very good see if you can have some warmth you know you have some warmth feeling for your body warmth feeling for your breath the warmth feeling is something you know associated with your heart and the mind associated with your heart

[89:22]

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