I'll try to speak loud enough, but I know when I go to my Thursday night sitting group, my mom comes all the time, so then every so often she says, speak up, Ed. Don't mumble so much, you have good things to say. Nothing like having your mom in your Zen group, you know, keep you on your toes. So some of us this week, we've been practicing Zen and yoga, we've been doing yoga classes and sitting, and then some of us have been practicing Zen and work, meditation and dishes and cabin cleaning and gardens and so forth. And some of us have been doing Zen in everyday life, Zen in vacation. Today, we welcomed a group of pilgrims on a pilgrimage, a peace walk, a group led by

[01:08]

Claude Anshin Thomas, who I met this afternoon. So that was pretty inspiring, and it's interesting, you know, I think the spiritual destination of our life can't really be avoided. Some of us may try taking the long way around, but eventually we're going to end up at our spiritual destination, and we have various travels. I was thinking about this probably this morning, you know, there's been various studies of lottery winners who are ecstatically happy for two or three months or six, and then end up being the same jerks they were before they won the lottery. They end up having the same problems, the same kind of unhappiness and discouragement or depression, you know, that they had before they won the lottery, only it's usually kind

[02:11]

of worse, because before they won the lottery, they could think, oh, if I just won the lottery, it would all be different. And then once they've won the lottery and that didn't help, then, you know, uh-oh. So their spiritual destination or, you know, meeting themselves and realizing or awakening themselves becomes more apparent and more right in front of them. I think the same thing happens, you know, with people practicing Zen, can often have some great experience, but it's not much help, you know, in the long run. If you get some place or arrive somewhere or attain something, you won't be able to keep it and you won't be able to stay there, and, you know, pretty soon you'll find you're pretty much the same person that you thought you were going to vanquish through your attainment

[03:15]

or your, you know, accomplishment. So then what? Here we are. This is, you know, the end of the road. And I know for myself, you know, if I had been able to be successful at anything out there in the world, I don't think I would have ended up here. But I wasn't even much good at being a hippie, you know, back in the 60s. When I let my hair grow long, I got paranoid. So I, and I was telling some people at dinner, you know, I was at Antioch College and my brother used to send me Zen stories from Zen Bliss, Zen Bones, and one of them said, it

[04:21]

was a young man writes home to his mom and says, I'm doing really well in school, I'm getting good grades, I'm helping the other kids study and work on their papers. Mom writes back and says, son, I didn't raise you to be a walking dictionary. Why don't you go to the mountains and attain true realization? So I thought, that's for me. And at the end of the school year, I dropped out of college and it said, reasons for leaving on the form, I put to go to the mountains and attain true realization. So that was 1964 and then, you know, 1966, here I was. And you know, I don't know about the true realization part, but because we're fussy about this in Zen, you know, if you say that's true realization, well then that couldn't be true realization because, and you know, we say, when you attain realization, you won't

[05:22]

think, aha, this is realization, just as I expected. Even if you think so, realization invariably differs from your expectation. And this is, you know, this Japanese word for realization is also, in a certain sense, things as they are. So actually, each moment of our life doesn't happen the way we expected and realization doesn't take place the way we conceived. Nothing happens the way we thought it would. And so we can't really map out, you know, how to arrive someplace or how to get somewhere or how we would attain something because it won't be like that. And so, Suzuki Roshi, my teacher, used to say, you know, don't try to be such a good student. Why don't you just be yourself? I'll get to know you better that way. And if you only try to attain something good, this is limiting your facility.

[06:27]

If you only try to attain something special, this is narrowing your mind. This is, you know, limiting your capacity to respond to the circumstances that arise. So, this is a very interesting point, you know, because we want to improve and we don't want to harm others. We don't want to cause suffering and pain. But if you only try to attain something good, you will make your, you know, life very narrow. You will tell your body and mind, just do this and this and this. Don't do any of those other things. Don't do any of those other things. Then as soon as you're doing one of the other things, you can call it distraction, resistance, you know, problem, hindrance, and, you know, you will want to overcome it so you can get

[07:32]

back to doing what's right or good. And this is the way we can make our mind, you know, narrow or limit our facility to meet the circumstances of our life. Because we say, just do this, just do that, and this and then, you know, becomes a way, you know, we also have the expression in Zen, don't put another head over your head. This is another head over your head that says, just do this and that and the other thing. And that's what's right and good. This is a kind of coercion. And if you're really good at it, it's a kind of violence, you know, that you can do to yourself all in the name of good, you know, to get somewhere and attain something special because and you're going to get it right and do it well. So this is kind of problem we have, you know, then what shall we do? How do we go on this journey?

[08:35]

And the usual way of, you know, self-improvement will be to find something wrong, some fault, to find fault and try to fix it. And then, of course, if you fix it, you will just find another fault to work on. So you spend a good deal of your time in this kind of effort. We will spend a good deal of our time finding fault. And we will end up feeling badly, uh-oh, another one, I'm still not perfect, I still haven't gotten anywhere, I found another fault. And then our effort to hide our faults, you know, becomes, you know, painful for ourself and others and we can be defensive. And we will attack back and we will get angry if somebody notices something that we were trying to hide. So we also understand then, you know, part of our practice is to notice our weak point. And our weak point is both, you know, the weak point is actually our, you know, gift or blessing

[09:48]

or aid for our practice. How we actually, you know, know what to do or where to go. Because we respond or take care of our weakness or difficulty. We're not trying to eliminate the weakness or difficulty, but just to respond to it and be with it. So, this is, you know, some shift in our lives. From trying to improve and trying to just do good to realizing, oh, like, you know, the lottery winners who it doesn't really change, finally they realize, I guess I really ought to look into the way I get depressed. How do I do that?

[10:50]

What's going on? And I ought to actually, why don't I actually feel my feelings and notice what's going on? Because money isn't going to solve it and success isn't going to solve it. The various things that we accomplish in our life don't solve the underlying, you know, our root pain or difficulty. So, at some point, you know, we do make some kind of vow or decision or commitment. I'll be with it. I'll find out how to go through this and to actually be with what's in our hearts, what's in our life. And so, we're shifting from, you know, the kind of the mental, from reliance on the mental body or the mental idea of getting it right, attaining something, you know, having some good performance, looking good. We're shifting over, you know, to relying on our heart, finding out how to trust your

[11:52]

own being. So, this is big shift for most of us, to trust our own being, to practice letting things come home to your heart, letting the things of your life come home to your heart and touch you and be touched by things and letting your heart respond. And you know, we have the rule or the form, which is all through our lives, there's always some rule or form. We have the rule or form because otherwise we will think if we just had a different way to do it, we could get it right. So, when we walk every day or we sit every day or we work or if we're in a marriage, you know, or a job, you know, all these things are forms. And then, we're not always so quick then to just say, drop it and go somewhere where we don't have to meet ourself and where we can look good.

[12:53]

Our tendency will be just to follow the pursuits where we can look good and not want to look at what's underneath or difficult, deep and dark. And so, this, what is deep and dark will come up in our life as soon as we are involved in a form, in a practice, you know, in a job or marriage or, you know, family, children, sitting walking, it will be there, something that we actually in our heart want to meet finally, rather than, you know, spend our whole life avoiding. And in this way, you know, we are like our own good teacher or companion and then we can be a good teacher and companion to others. We can be, and when we are a good friend to others, we can be a good friend to ourself.

[13:57]

And I want to mention tonight then some, you know, what do you turn toward or rely on or what can you notice that may be some help if you're making this shift from, sometimes I think of it as shifting from control to compassion. Control is just inherent in the, our habit of being aware of things and as soon as we are aware of them, we want them to be other than the way they are, that's control. And then compassion is just to receive and listen, whatever we hear, you know, to let it come home to our heart. So there are, you know, there will be many markers or indications of this kind of shift and you will find some, you know, in your own life certainly that I don't mention, things that actually, you know, allow you or help you to feel more awake and alive.

[15:04]

What are, what is that like? You know, what makes the difference? So some of the things, you know, one thing is like interest or curiosity. You know, rather than trying to master something, you study it or you take an interest in it or you're curious about it. What's that like? You know, rather than getting angry at somebody for being a certain way, you wonder like, how did they get to be like that? What's going on with them? I wonder about, you know, and how do they do that? Why did they get to be the person that they are? What are they up to? What am I up to? So we take a kind of interest or we have some curiosity and, you know, we study things in that way rather than trying to just get them to do what we want. Sometimes people, you know, ask me, you're a Zen teacher, what should I do with anger? And I always feel, I tend to feel, especially later when I think about it, that was the question, what should I do with anger so I don't have to experience it and I can just

[16:08]

get rid of it? And you know, one of the best things to do with anger is to study it, to take an interest in it, to be curious about what is it actually like? How does it actually happen? When does it arise? What is it in response to? What happened right before it? What does it feel like? How does that, you know, is anger something that just happens to me or do I decide to get angry? So when you take an interest in your life, this is really wonderful, you know, where you take an interest in someone else's life rather than just telling them how to be or what you should do. You know, again, you know, if you try to just, if you only try to do something good you will narrow your facility. If you take an interest or you're curious, now you're expanding your mind and your awareness to take in someone or take in yourself. So interest and curiosity and then another is joy.

[17:11]

Joy in the Buddhist sense is to, you know, let something touch you, to be touched by things and to touch, you know, things. And things include, you know, objects of this world, experiences, seeing and hearing the sounds, the sights, the smells, the tastes, the thoughts, the feelings, you know, people, objects, things that, you know, what is it? You know, and so we understand it's not just material and that as soon as we receive something and let something touch us that there's something precious there or sometimes we say, you know, that's sacred, there's something sacred. So joy is to resonate with things, to allow something to be, to allow ourself to be touched. And another, you know, factor that often goes with that is ease.

[18:14]

Some sense of, you know, is there some way to be at ease in this world, to have some ease? Even though, you know, and usually our idea of ease is when we don't have to deal with anything. You know, when you've finished your work and you go down and lie by the pool, that's ease. So again, we're trying to find out how can there be more ease, you know, ease? More of the time in the middle of work, in the middle of being with the things of our life and there also be some ease. And then one other factor I want to mention tonight is inspiration. Where will that come from? Because if you always try to follow the rule or stay within the rule, how will you ever have any inspiration? Inspiration has to come from outside the form, outside the rule.

[19:19]

So when we spend our time getting it right and being good, you know, doing what we tell ourselves or what we think Zen tells us, you know, we're limiting and narrowing down and it's very hard then to have any inspiration. How will that happen? And we can't wait, you know, just to, until we have nothing to deal with. So actually right in the midst of form, you know, and inspiration in that sense, as you know, all the stories, you know, discoveries and genius and, you know, inspiration, you know, they happen by accident. Vicaresse used to say, why don't you make yourself accident-prone? And in that sense, you know, to go to the Zendo is to make yourself accident-prone.

[20:26]

To go on a pilgrimage, you will be accident-prone. Things will happen quite accidentally. They won't happen the way you planned. And you will have a chance to respond to your life outside of the form, although you're in the midst of form. So there's no way to, you know, do inspiration. You can't decide, I'm going to make a rule of being inspired. How will that happen? Inspiration is something coming up from your life when you, you know, aren't binding yourself to all the rules and just doing this or that and not the other thing. Somebody this morning told me a story. I wasn't going to tell you because I don't know the story really well, but I'll tell you now my version of it. Apparently there was some, you know, demon or goblin or monster or something

[21:35]

that was attacking children and people. And the Buddha finally accosted this monster and said, you know, I want you to agree not to hurt anyone, not to harm or hurt anyone. So, you know, the monster was inspired by the Buddha and he agreed. And so several days went by, you know, and the kids would throw things at him and beat him with sticks and toss him with mud and, you know, people would call him names. And then, so finally after several days, you know, the monster went back to the goblin or whatever this creature is, goes back to the Buddha and says, you know, this is really hard. I don't know that I can keep this up. The Buddha said, well, what are you doing? He said, well, they, you know, all these kids and people, they attack me and they hurt me and, you know, and I'm not doing anything. I'm just taking it. I'm getting creamed. And the Buddha said, well, you know, when I had to agree not to hurt anyone,

[22:42]

I didn't say you couldn't growl. Anyway, we don't know, you know, what would be the right thing to do. We're shifting over to and trying to have some, you know, deciding to have some confidence. The other day I mentioned it's necessary to have a strong conviction. I will do it. I will learn to live from my heart, you know, to trust my own, you know, deep wish and my own deep intention, how to live my life. I will find out how to let things come home to my heart and respond from my heart. And maybe I can't do it always. And other people may criticize and say, you know, that's not very good or that was a mistake. And just to come back to your wish. This is what, you know, we're studying.

[23:44]

So Rumi says the bee of the heart, you know, stays inside the flower and doesn't wish to go anywhere else. Okay. Okay. I think that's all I want to say for tonight. But if you have something you want to talk about, we can take a few minutes. I'm trying not to keep you up too late, you know, so to speak. And here, you know, not too late means pretty early. But we have 10 or 15 minutes if we want, if anyone has any interest or comments or responses or...

[24:52]

Any other questions? Yes. Yeah, you've been talking both tonight and a couple of nights ago about becoming more aware of our weak spots. But it seems to me that a lot of our weak spots are things that we're unaware of. And they're like our blind spots. They're things that we don't see in ourselves. So how can we learn to recognize those? Get yourself into some difficult circumstances and see what happens. The difficult circumstances are sometimes known as marriage. Sometimes known as zazen. Sometimes known as Tassajara 110 degrees. Sometimes known as, you know, pilgrimage. So when you're in some difficulty, you will, you know, you will find your weak spot.

[25:57]

And then the question is, do you actually acknowledge it then? Or do you, you know, try to find some circumstances where you don't have to acknowledge it? You know, will you now abandon that form because you're finding your weak spot? Or do you stay with it in some way because it's a good place? It's a safe place or a wholesome place to, you know, be with your weakness. Some situations won't always be so helpful or, you know, for realizing or acknowledging your weak spot or blind spot. But this is, you know, what we decide at various points. Where is some good place? You know, is this, is this the situation, you know, the practice to do that for me? And once we've had enough, you know, failures and tried enough different forms, you know, we tend, you know, as we go on, we tend to stay with things or find something to, some way to meet our difficulty. Sometimes people put it off until right before they die.

[27:00]

You know, it's kind of late, but... No, it's possible to postpone it, you know. But in that sense anyway, your difficulty, you know, you will find it, will bring it out of you. Thank you for that question. Usually you don't have to go looking too hard. Hmm. Is this from my sweaty face? Yeah. Wow. Yes. So master, the nature of the wind is permanent and there's no place it doesn't reach. Why do you fan yourself? This is, you know, famous Cohen in our school. Wow. Why not just be hot?

[28:03]

But you see, you know, the nature of the wind reaching everywhere means it reaches me and sometimes the wind in me moves me to fan myself. What else? Something? I can ask another question. Was there, oh. Someone, I had my eyes closed, so. We'll come back to you, Joe. I wanted to hear more about the bee and the flower. You know, I didn't, I mean, it was just a poem from Rumi.

[29:05]

Let's hear the whole poem. That was it, that's the whole poem. The bee of the heart stays inside the flower and there's no place else it goes. So that has a wide, you know, that has any number of meanings. You know, the whole world could be your flower. So it's actually, in a certain, I take it to be, in a certain way, not anything you have to do. You know, you don't have to say to the bee of your heart, get back in that flower. When it seems to be out and about, you know, you don't have to say to the bee of your heart, you know, get back. In there, you're out and about now. So that's actually kind of a sweet, you know, poem. The bee of your heart stays inside the flower and there's no place else it goes. Even though you might think, oh, this isn't, this isn't right.

[30:09]

I shouldn't be here. This is not the thing for me to be doing. You know, I'm not getting anywhere. I can't seem to get this right. I'm just a failure. The bee of your heart all the time is inside, you know, is in the flower. Not going anywhere. So you can forget all that. That's all mental body, you know, rambling on. Accusing you of various things. The head above your head. Yes. I'm going to get on a little bit.

[31:12]

What part are you not imagining? Um. Uh huh. And not necessarily rushing to fix them or improve them or change them. Yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah. Well, that's nice to notice that. And, you know, this. I didn't mention, but, you know, this is also. You know, partly there's. Well, anyway, let me get confused here if I try to say too many things at once. Um. I understand. That's exactly right. You know, before we know it or before we can decide anything, we're doing what our habit is or what, you know, it's there.

[32:12]

You know, there's something to be done and we feel like an urgency. You know. Uh. So. I don't want to say, you know, exactly then what you should do at that time. Right. This will be like giving you some recipe and actually it will be up to you to kind of feel like. To in a sense, you know, when you're quiet enough at that place, you realize that you have a choice. Rather than it's necessary to do, you know, this. But when you're really quiet there, the choice becomes apparent. So that's all I can tell you, but I can't tell you about how to be really quiet there. So, but there is that possibility. If you had the idea, I want to just tell myself to do something else. And I, you know, this is reminding me of something else in, you know, Suzuki Roshi said, which is in the similar vein.

[33:19]

You know, if you try to do something by a recipe. Again, it's, it's just following along something. Your mind is in some rut or track, you know, to follow the recipe. And he said it, it's probably better if you can kind of find out how to do by intuition. You kind of are feeling your way along that. And you, and you stumble upon something else to do as much as anything, you see. So when you're at that point enough times and you're observant of that point, you will stumble upon something and you will find another choice. You will be very, you know, there's the possibility of being very still at that point and getting an inspiration. You know, having an accident. Stumbling upon something. And allowing for that. So this is possible. And it also is the idea that, you know, our usual idea is that everything we do in our life has to be according to our conception.

[34:21]

You know, that we have to be able to conceive it first in order to do it. And as I mentioned the other night, that's our idea of freedom is I have a conception of what to do and then I'm free to do that. You know, I want this. I don't want that. And then I'm going to act on it and make it, you know, according to what I want or don't want. You know, some idea. And we're studying, you know, how to do the inconceivable. And actually we can, you know, be inspired. And so anyway, as I like to say these days, you'll find your way. How you do it. Yes? I have a bit of a question about all the rules that represent Buddhism. And how it seems to me to be almost a distraction from finding the truth of how Buddhist nature,

[35:28]

the teachings involved in it, is defining everything you do. You're seeking for certain specific things that you're supposed to enhance your life with in Buddhist nature. Good. Taking certain vows. Something that I found a little bit deceiving, I think. That you felt trapped by. Well, wherever you go, there will be some form. Whatever moment, you know, any moment of your life, something's going on. And normally when something's going on, we make it more real than it is. You know, and we identify with it. And it's some reflection on me. And how well or poorly I'm doing. If I'm sad, I'm not doing very well. If I'm happy, I must be doing better. No. And all these kind of things. So, we take on in Buddhism, you know, we take on various practices and forms.

[36:32]

Not to, in order to accomplish the practices of the forms, but to help us meet ourselves. So, if you practice the form of zazen, it can't be done. You know, if you decide, I'm going to sit up straight. I'm not going to move. I'm going to follow my breath, or I'm going to this or that. And actually, you can't do that. But what will happen, because you try to do that, you will meet yourself. And you will notice how you get upset, or how you get distracted, or how you get discouraged, or how you become sad, or how you become angry. And, you know, you will notice many things about yourself, because you undertook that form. And so, the point of the form wasn't to actually accomplish the form and get good at that. So, it's easy, you know, it's easy to get confused about forms or rules. You know, thinking that they're about actually attaining them or, you know, accomplishing them.

[37:34]

Rather than there being a way to, you know, they're making it, you know, you're becoming more conducive to your awareness. And noticing who you are, and what happens in your life, moment after moment. When you don't undertake the form, and to sit still, then you just move. And you don't even realize, actually, I didn't like being there, so I moved. And before, you know, it's like people who, I mean, I used to smoke years ago. So, sometimes, when I would quit, I would quit for about half the year, and then I'd reward myself by smoking again. But, you know, there are times you notice, I want a cigarette. Or, and then, you know, after a while, when you stop smoking, you start to, I would start to feel anxious. And then I would remember, oh, this means I want a cigarette. So, when you practice not smoking, you start noticing you're anxious, before you notice, oh, I want a cigarette.

[38:37]

You start, you know, it deepens your awareness. So, when you, when you give yourself some practice of not, you know, when you have a rule, in that case, you know, not to smoke. It's not like, you know, I'm necessarily trying to attain that, but I was, I did become much more aware. And finally, you know, the way I quit smoking was I, I, I tried by willpower to quit by willpower. You know, willpower, you muscle your way through. And if any objection comes up, you say, no. No, you don't get to have one. That's willpower, you know. And then I tried quitting smoking by curiosity, you know, or interest. I wonder what would happen if I don't smoke. I wonder what kind of experiences I would have if I'm not smoking. So, that was very interesting, you see. And then I decided, after some time, I thought, I will, I quit smoking by having, you know, somebody said, why don't you make your smoking into a ceremony?

[39:50]

So, I put the cigarettes in a beautiful cloth, you know. And then you have the ashtray and the matches, and your cigarettes in a beautiful cloth. And you fold it up like we do for our orioke, and you have a nice beautiful ribbon. And then before you're going to smoke a cigarette, you say, now I'm about to have a cigarette. You know, I vow with all being that my smoking this cigarette will benefit everyone. You know, and the smoke from my cigarette, may it permeate, you know, all world systems. And, you know, bring common joy to everyone in, you know, all dimensions. There's something like this, you know. And then you unfold, you know, you undo the ribbon, and you, so you get pretty aware when you do this. And basically, you see, the resistance will be that the problem is that you're becoming aware. So, you know, and the whole point of smoking was to go unconscious. The whole, the whole point of smoking was, I don't want to be conscious.

[41:02]

Because as soon as I'm conscious, I start telling myself what to do, what not to do. I, you know, I feel ashamed of what I've done. I'm telling myself this and that. I'm trying to get myself to do this. I'm not doing it. It's also painful to be awake. And, you know, you know, notice all of those judgments and, you know, mind things. And all the things you're telling yourself, it's so painful. So why not have a cigarette and be unconscious? So as soon as you tried, I would try to do this ceremony. And, you know, I'd start out. And, you know, I'd do the chant. And then I'd just rip the thing open. To hell with it. I want a cigarette. To hell with this ceremony stuff. See, this is, this is our normal life. You see. When you don't make a ceremony out of it, then you don't get aware. You just, you just. And so, the rule, the rule is not actually about, you know, directly, necessarily about not smoking. The rule is, why don't you be aware? Why don't you practice awareness? But somehow, it's easy to say, and then you can go through your whole life and not be aware.

[42:06]

Unless there's something that trips you up. Like the rule. Or the form. You see, this is, this is a very important point. So I appreciate you bringing it up for us. Because it's something I've been wanting to talk about, you see. And I hadn't gotten around to it. And I was trying to keep my talk short. It's what? It was too embarrassing. So one day, after I'd been trying for two years to do this ceremony. Two years. I was trying to do this. And, you know, and then, you know, after a while, you just give up. To heck, I'm not even going to try. I know I can't do that. You know. So then, finally, one day, I sat down and, you know, crossed my legs. And, you know, got out my, and I did the chant. And, you know, open up and carefully fold the, you know, the cloth. And, you know, just like we do Oryoki, into a little rectangle.

[43:06]

You know, and then pick up the package of cigarettes and take out a cigarette. And then, completely aware, you know, and then the matches. And then, and then I inhaled, and then I, oh God. This is so awful. I can't believe it. And, and then, you know, why, what is the attraction here? And then I took an, and I thought, I wonder if it'll happen again if I take another one. And the second one was even worse than the first. And I was like, God. God. So, so that was the last, that was almost the last time I smoked. How do you find the courage to face your fear of failure or success?

[44:15]

Yeah. It's very difficult finding that courage. I mean, sometimes even if you have the knowledge, the second courage to go through the ceremonies, to finally be conscious. Yeah. You know, I ask, I guess, you know, from, you know, that's a, it's a really good question, and I don't know that, you know, at some point it's just, it's just what's in your heart, you know. And so, as much as anything, you, you know, ask your heart, you know, what you really want, you know, what is it you really want to do in your life? And do you want to, you know, go on, you know, being afraid and not facing what's there to face?

[45:19]

Or do you really want to, or do you actually choose to do that? Because this is, and this is important, you know, that you do, that you have a choice. And you shouldn't force yourself and say, I really should look at this. You know, you wait for your heart to choose. So you can keep asking your heart if it's ready, you know, when you're ready. So you keep giving yourself the opportunities in some sense, but it's not exactly finding the courage. It's like keep, you keep noticing you're coming to the choice, and at some point you choose. And for me, I decided, you know, certain things, you know, usually there's some issue, which is behind our fear, you know. For me, it has something to do with being abandoned. You know, because that's my, that's something about the history in my life, which I'm not going to go into tonight. Some of you know something about it. But there's, you know, fear of abandonment and fear of betrayal. And there's a price there, you know, that I might have to pay.

[46:27]

And am I willing to pay that price for a kind of freedom? You know, from not, you know, not paying that price. And then actually it's often that, you know, we're actually kind of wrong about having to pay that price. That actually, rather than losing love, which is based on, you know, something from way back in the past in our life, we actually, people love us more, because we're more real and more honest. And we're more straightforward and we're hiding less. And so we find out that actually the people in our life today aren't, you know, involved with our whole story about that. But basically it's just something, you know, it's in our hearts to do that eventually. That's the direction of our life. So I'm encouraging you. So thank you very much. We're going to call it a night. And I appreciate your being here. Oh, and, you know, can we do just a little chant in the evening?

[47:28]

We'll do my favorite chant. It's Ho. Ho is the Japanese word for Dharma. And we just all chant Ho together for a minute or two. And then we'll call it a night. And Ho, this Ho, you know, you can do with as much of your body and mind as you're willing. Because you can do it just with your head if you want. Ho. Or you can. Ho. And Ho is actually, you know, it's Japanese for Dharma. But it's also one of the three syllables that Santa Claus does. And in American Indian language, you know, it's peace be with you or something. And so there's a whole range of Ho meanings. You know, in some languages it's prostitute and so forth. So you get the whole range here. And so you don't have to worry about just making a nice sound. Or a beautiful sound. You can just go Ho. And you're just, you know, you let your whole being go into the Ho, you see. So what a relief.

[48:29]

You don't have to just make a pretty sound. And it's going to be a big enough sound in the whole room here that you don't have to worry about your sound. Like, oh God, people are going to hear what my sound sounds like. No, it's just going to disappear into the big sound. Okay? And then at some point I'll wave. You know, usually we get a bell to end this. But in this case I'll wave at some point too. And then you can finish the breath you're on. So you let the sound just wash through you and create the sound. Okay? And then after this, you know, you might want to... I mean, I'm going to encourage you actually to be quiet on your way out of here and, you know, in the courtyard and kind of go off into the night with the sound. You also have to stream, you know, various sounds. Without having to talk, you'll have plenty. Okay? Are you ready? Aum. Aum.

[49:51]

Aum. [...]

[50:56]

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