So what are you all doing here tonight? It's interesting, I find myself wanting to explain to you a little bit about what I think about when I'm giving a talk, because I think it might be useful for you. But who knows, maybe it won't, right? That's partly what I want to tell you. If I'm going to give a talk, you know, one of the things I do is I make a certain decision. I make several decisions. One decision that I make is, okay, I'll let you all into my life, because if I sit up here and try to be me and make sure that you're you and I'm me, this is going to be really hard. Do you understand? Sometimes we think it would be good, you know, you get into a conversation, well, I want to make sure I'm me and, you know, not get confused or anything.

[01:12]

Anyway, welcome! And even before the talk, I imagine, you know, letting all that energy of all of you into my life, into my heart, mind, consciousness, okay? Because otherwise it's going to be really stressful trying to keep you out, when it's not actually possible to do, right? So that's one thing I do. It makes it a lot easier to give a talk. And then another thing I do is I decide ahead of time, you can have whatever reaction you want to the talk. This means you don't have to be impressed, you don't have to be entertained, you don't even have to like it, you know? You can get up and walk out, and eventually I may be talking to an empty room, or I may

[02:14]

get up and walk out too, or whatever, you know? So, I figure this way, if I was trying to make sure that you had like an enlightening time, for instance, that you like understood something that you'd never understood before, or, you know, if I was trying to make sure that would happen, this would also be, you see, very stressful. So I don't want that kind of stress, personally. So you can have whatever kind of experience you have, and that will be that, won't it? You know? And so, you're on your own, hey! Your reaction or your experience of my talk is up to you, it's not up to me, in other words, I'm not in charge of that, you know? And I'm not setting out to produce any particular, you know, understanding or insight or whatever in you, you know? You, you know, you're in charge of that, not me. Thank goodness! This is also called, you know, liberating all sentient beings.

[03:18]

I just did it. Each of you is on your own, you know, you're not, you're not under my control or, you know, something I have to say, you know, hey, go for it, you know, so. I also decide that, you know, you can like it or not. And so what am I going to do then? I'll just do the best I can and offer what I have to offer, and then, you know, that will be that. I've learned this partly from, you know, for years, I used to watch here in the Zen Dojo how at mealtime we offer a tray of food, and we have this big drum roll, you know, when it's happening, boom, [...] and all of that, you know, and it's this glorious event, and then Buddha sits there and doesn't even eat the food, smell the food. And when I was the cook, I thought, this is such a waste of time. I have to make up, you know, as though I'm not busy enough, I have to make up these little doll dishes of food for the Buddha, little tiny spoon and, you know, chopsticks, and

[04:22]

then we're going to serve that to the Buddha. And other people, they say, oh, that was really good, or, you know, that was overcooked or whatever they say, but the Buddha doesn't say anything. Buddha just sits there, and then after a while, you take it back. So, you know, it was only after, it was only a few years ago, I thought, what a great thing, you know, what a great thing, you just offer what you have to offer, bow and walk away. And then Buddha can have, you, Buddha, can have whatever reaction you want, or, you know, whatever reaction you have, and I've done my part, I just made the offering, and I bowed and walked away, so that way I don't have to worry too much about, you know, oh, was it good enough for you, you know, and all that sort of thing. So I just say, okay, I'll do it, and then, you know, you get it, and then you do what

[05:27]

you want with it, and you'll digest it or not, or, you know, you'll absorb certain things and not other things, etc., you know, so. Although once in a while, you know, it is frustrating to be a teacher, and you carefully explain how to do something, and then all of your students just go do what they usually do, and, like, what did you just talk about all that stuff for? But anyway, that's my problem, then, if I'm frustrated, you know, not yours. You don't have to worry about it, because you don't have to take care of me either, okay? All right. So what I want to talk to you about tonight, what I want to talk to you about tonight is, it has, this week, you know, we're doing, some of us are doing Zen and yoga, some of us are doing Zen and archery, some of us are doing Zen and cooking, or Zen and dining room, or, you know, we're doing a lot of different Zens, and so I want to talk to you a little bit about some of the basic underlying assumptions in Zen and in yoga and archery.

[06:33]

So, how I would, how I'm going to describe it to you tonight is to say that the way we structure our bodies is the way we structure the world. The way we structure our bodies is the way we structure consciousness. The body is an expression of consciousness. How your body is shaped is an expression of how your consciousness is shaped. So what this means is, you know, to change your consciousness, to change the way your consciousness is shaped, you can change the way your body is shaped. Okay? The body reflects consciousness, consciousness reflects the body. They're not different things. And also, the world, you know, body, the way you shape your body is the way you shape the

[07:37]

world. It has something to do with the way the world is shaped. The way the world, you know, appears to you has something to do with the way you shape your body. And structure yourself, and structure of consciousness, structure of the world. So when you change the structure of your body and the structure of your consciousness, you're also changing the world, your world. And there's not, you know, there's not, there's not a world out there, right? There's all of our worlds. It's a pretty amazing kind of thing that's going on, you know, that there are all these worlds, and they actually don't get in each other's way, and kind of have the appearance of being just this one world. Okay. So I think what I want to do, first of all, is to talk just a little bit about, you know, give you a few examples about how it is that the body, how the body is structured is something

[08:39]

to do with how consciousness is structured. So you can actually take any part of your body and examine how it's structured. So for instance, I want to take, for instance, thinking about, I was thinking about feet today because in yoga class this morning, we stretched the toes, you know, up this way, you know, if this, if this is the foot coming down, you know, we did this thing where you're standing on your toes and then get them, you know, stretched one way, and then we did and stretched the toes the other way. Okay. So that's not something we do very often because we just sort of assume like, well, our feet, you know, our feet, feet are feet, you know, they have the shape they have. But if you do yoga, actually, you can stretch your toes. And then when you stand on your feet after that, you're actually standing in a different world and you're standing in a different body. You're standing in a different place on your feet. And that has something to do with how supported you feel, you know, how much you trust the

[09:44]

ground and how much, you know, how much you can trust your feet and that your feet actually are there and they support you. Otherwise, you know, sometimes people like, actually, you know, we think, oh, well, yeah, I can walk and I trust, but, you know, sometimes people are pushing the ground away while they're trying to get the support of the ground. They're actually, their feet are kind of like, keep away from me. So we're actually sometimes, you know, with the structure of our body, we're actually doing contradictory things, you know, trying to keep something away and yet get support. You know, if you're trying to keep the ground away, like, whoa, if I touch the ground there, I don't know. And then you're, so with that, you're pushed through the sole of your foot, you know, I can't get away. And then you can be pushing the ground away and trying to walk, you know. Then you don't feel very supported.

[10:45]

Okay. So that has something to do with, you know, the other night I talked about, in Zen there's an expression of the hundred foot pole, right? All of us have gotten to the top of a hundred foot pole, time to jump off, don't you think? And it seems like that would be kind of dangerous, but, hey, this is just metaphor. And it seems dangerous from the top of the hundred foot pole, but that hundred foot pole is all of our beliefs about, you know, ourself and the world and, you know, whether some big people like me or don't like me, or I can trust my feet or I can't. And we learn these things, you know, when we're pretty young. And when you think about how to live in a world that's outside of your constructs and outside of your beliefs, this seems like it would be really scary. But once you go ahead and do it, it's not that scary. So now I'm going to tell you about that and how it's not really very scary.

[11:49]

So, for instance, like a lot of us practice meditation. So if you practice a form like zazen, zazen is a particular form, it's a particular posture. If you do yoga, if you do archery, if you do anything that's a form that's not something you make up, it's a form that comes from tradition, right away you go outside, you're off the pole. You actually enter into that form. So you know, I come into yoga class in the morning and I sort of joke around and after a while I'm in this different space and I don't know how to joke anymore. It's really amazing, you see? It's because I stretch in these different ways and pretty soon start stretching and then I'm just in this different place and then I sort of like, I'm sort of in this light sort of, you know, cheery, you know, convivial sort of space and then I'm like, whoa, I guess I'm grounded now. And it's pretty hard to joke, you know? So Patricia tries to make sure that, you know, there's enough work for me in the yoga class

[12:55]

because she gets tired of my joking after a while. But anyway, that's an example. And when you sit in meditation, you know, right away you can be in a different place. You're in a different world, you're in a different body, you're in a different consciousness because of the way you structure, because of the way you shape your body according to some form. Okay? So this is one of the understandings of the use of form. Okay? So for instance, the way you have your head, right? Your head is associated with your mind and the way you hold your head has a lot to do with the way we, you know, structure, the way we structure ourself and the way we control, the way we tend to want, you know, try to control our experience is how we have our head. So if I have my head, you know, back like this, am I going to listen to anything you have to say? What does it look like?

[13:56]

No, I'm not. I'm not going to really listen. You know, I may say, oh, that's very interesting what you have to say. Yeah. No, I don't, I don't think that's right. You push the back of your head back and you have your chin just a little bit up. And then also this is a nice place, like, are you going to get much in the way of feelings here? Probably not. You're going to get much in the way of information from your body? No, just stay up here in my head. I can tell you what's right and what's wrong. Doesn't that look like what that's about? And then, you know, or if I have my head like this, you know, a little forward of my body and my chin is sticking out, oh, what's over there? So anyway, you know, we say in Darshan, well, why don't you see if you can have, you know, your head, have your chin in a little bit and lengthen the back of your neck instead

[15:03]

of having, like, the head tilted back. Why don't you see if you can lengthen that, back of your neck, have your chin in, or, you know, the one I like now is, like, just see if a light breeze comes to your face, pushes your nose back, and let your head float up. Because if you just sit here and hold your head like that, according to the directions, well, you've got it right, but you're going to be kind of stiff, and you're going to have trouble breathing. Okay? So how to do a form, there's actually some, that's why we call it practice, you know, to do a form, there's some practice involved in how to do a form, okay? And yoga has the same sort of emphasis, actually, of, you know, lengthening the spine up through

[16:04]

the crown, and not getting your head all in these funny positions just because your body is, you know, bent over some way, you know, that you actually still try to have your, just because your head is, you know, your body is bent over, you still try to have your head, like, you know, nice length, and, you know, and it's not all sort of squinched up and stuff. So it takes some practice, you know, some study, how to do that. And then when you do that, you're actually, you're in another place. You have a whole new experience of the world. You have a whole new experience of your consciousness, of what it is to be alive. And you have a whole different sense of the information or your connectedness to things, the information that you're receiving, and then the way in which you connect. So also, you know, the way you have your head, if you, you can tilt your head to one side or the other, you know, we all have some habitual way we do these things. So then you hear certain things and not other things.

[17:05]

Or you can have your head turned a little bit, or you can, you know, do a combination. And when you practice that, then you're practicing, can I have my head right in the middle, not turned to the right, not turned to the left, not leaning this way, not leaning that way, not way far back, not way far forward, and can I come into this place, you know, which is free of my bias, of my beliefs, of my, you know, habit, of how I structure my body, my world, my consciousness. Well, what happens, practically speaking, can anybody do that? So on one hand, you know, we're practicing how to enter a form and be in a form. And can you, you know, and from that point of view, it's not like I'm going to do the form, I'm going to make this happen, I'm going to actually do this. It's like, can I allow this, can I allow my body, my consciousness, to be in this shape?

[18:11]

You know, what happens? There was a period of time where, you know, if I sat up straight like this, I'd think, boy, that's arrogant, I can't do that. You know, so, you know, and then why is it that we do that, then, you see, then that tells me something, right? If I sit up, then, oh, that's arrogant, or that's too, you know, that's too pompous. Why did I spend all that other time doing this, then, to make sure that nobody thought that I was arrogant, to make sure that nobody thought I was pompous? I wouldn't want them to think that. So, you know, after a while, though, when you sit up, and then actually, it goes past that, and you're in a different place, and your consciousness shifts, your body shifts. Now, the other thing that happens, so, on one hand, form is a way to, you know, enter

[19:21]

some space, be in some consciousness that is beyond your usual strategies and techniques and controls and, you know, behavioral mechanisms of how you shape your world. So, naturally, you have experiences that, I told my group this morning, naturally, you will have experiences which are uncalled for. That's not the one I asked for! You know, whether it's feelings or sensations or, you know, tensions or pains, you will have, you know, you will have experiences that you didn't ask for. Then congratulations! It worked, didn't it? Okay. Now, the other thing that happens when you go to practice form, I like this story I heard recently that Picasso would ask young art students to draw a perfect circle. So, once you, when you try to draw a perfect circle, you can be very focused, concentrated,

[20:25]

absorbed, you know, and you can try to draw a perfect circle. Somebody I told this story to recently said, yeah, we did that in art class. We tried to draw a perfect circle in the art class. It was the first period in the morning and my friends and I would get stoned before the class and then we'd go in and try to draw a perfect circle. And it was really a lot of fun because we'd try to draw it, you know, fast and slow and with one feeling or another feeling. So, but anyway, whether you're stoned or not, and practicing jasana is like trying to draw a perfect circle or doing yoga, you know, there are these forms and it has the implication or the sense that there's some perfect way to do this. And you see, actually it would be a mistake to think you can actually attain that perfect

[21:28]

form, because in the example of the circle, you see, no one has yet to draw a freehand a perfect circle. No one has done that. So then the other, another interesting thing here is how, which way is your circle lopsided? When you go to draw the perfect circle, where does your circle flatten out? And this tells you something about you. What is essentially you? So it's actually interesting in that sense, where does your posture, where does your practice, where is it off from the form? And that's something about who you are. And so you learn something about yourself because you try to do the form. And the way in which you can't is actually revealing something about you. This is the same as saying, you know, if the whole world is red and all you see is red all the time, how are you going to know it's red?

[22:31]

Well, when you take a posture that actually, you know, reveals green, now you know you've been seeing red all the time. So when you try to, when you try to sit like this and you end up in some other way in some other place and you know, like, oh, so this is, this is something about the way I do it. Most of the time. And otherwise you tend not to notice the way you do it most of the time. You just assume like that's the way it is. The way I do it most of the time, that's the way it is. So this is another interesting, I find, you know, very important aspect of form. Okay. Now I want to go on to, you know, I kind of had the first part of my talk planned out and we're going to see what happens now in the second part. Then you can decide, was the planned out part better or the, I don't know, anyway,

[23:43]

we'll see what happens. So I want to talk a little bit about obstacles because obstacles seem to be really interesting to people. Like why is it, you know, that obstacles are so interesting? What am I going to do about it? Who said, you know, there was anything to do about it? Anyway, so I want to talk a little bit about obstacles. You know, how can I practice if, you know, I'm spaced out or how can I practice if I'm afraid? Or there's fears, you know, there's the obstacle of fear and there's sadness and there's separation and there's, you know, helplessness, vulnerability, fragility, you know, terror, loneliness, there's all kinds of things. And then how can you draw a perfect circle if you're feeling those things?

[24:44]

How can you do a perfect practice if you also have feelings? Even though your practice was intended to reveal to you something about yourself and all those feelings. I mean, that's the first way in which maybe it's not an obstacle, maybe it's revelation. And there may or may not be something to do about it. So what I want to say tonight, you know, is to remind you that there's not just one thing to do and especially there's not just one right thing to do. And there's not just a Buddhist thing to do. There's actually a lot of Buddhist things to do and you could pick one or try out one or another. So I'm actually going to give you, as far as obstacles go, a number of suggestions. What the heck? Because I want you to, you know, feel some sense of freedom or liberation, like you're not just stuck to, you know, to doing this one thing that's supposed to work and why can't you get it to work and you still have the obstacle?

[25:45]

Okay? Right? So I want to tell you a few possibilities about obstacles. So you know, one of the first things is what happens when you have an obstacle? Well oftentimes, as soon as you have an obstacle, you will have the same reaction to the obstacle as the obstacle. So getting angry, when you get angry, you'll get angry at yourself for getting angry. And when you get sad, you'll be really saddened that, you know, you're so sad. This is really sad that I'm sad. And you know, you'll be, when you feel helpless, you'll feel helpless about it. You know, you don't get, or, but sometimes actually, you know, when you're helpless, you could get angry about it. You know, what, you could accuse yourself of being helpless, you know, with some anger. So it's interesting to notice, of course, what's your reaction to the obstacle?

[26:52]

And actually, if you just change your, if you, if you shift your reaction to the obstacle, the obstacle will change too, because part of the obstacle isn't just the obstacle itself, but how you react to the obstacle, there being an obstacle. So this is interesting. And this has to do with, you know, in terms of zazen or yoga or something, you can come back to the form, you can come back to the asana, you can come back to your breath, you can come back to your feet on the ground. Because when you come back to your experience, you know, then you're letting go of the obstacle and your reaction to it. Hmm. Now, I also do want to say something about, you know, what makes something an obstacle. And usually, of course, you know, you, you can only have an obstacle if you want to go

[28:04]

from here over to there, and there's something in the way that you feel keeps you from getting to there. So now you, now you, you know, it's probably useful if you think about where was it you were trying to get to, where did you think you were going to arrive, and is that so important that you get there, or is it actually possible? So for instance, one of the things that cults do, and I don't think Zen Center is much of a cult, you know, as cults go, we're a pretty low-class cult, but one of the things that cults do is convince you of the basic delusion that it's possible to control your emotions. And then when you can't, they'll shame or guilt-trip you so that you feel more, you feel obliged to devote yourself even more to the guru and to the cult. You know, that if you, I guess you're not doing what we told you well enough, because

[29:06]

if you were doing what we told you well enough, you would be able to control your emotions. So if you have doubts, you know, well you just haven't devoted yourself enough, and that sort of thing, right? So that's a cult. And that's also an example of a place over there that you wanted to get to where you could control your emotions, and you had this sort of perfect, you know, even, perpetually even state of mind that was the right state of mind, the one you wanted to have, and you didn't have any of those uncalled-for minds. So you have to think, you know, in terms of obstacles, the place you're going is, you know, is that such a great place to go? Is that really where you wanted to head for, you know? Because it's probably much more useful to, so I tell people like, okay, there isn't actually a Buddhist freeway, right? You know, where you get on the freeway and then you can just go from here to there and you don't have to stop in all those little towns along the way called confusion and distraction and, you know, pain and, you know, actually, let's just go for a little walk and, you know,

[30:13]

and not worry about these supersonic jet planes to the other side of the universe or whatever, right? Okay. And this also has something to do with, you know, disentangling what you want from, you know, how well you can control things. So for instance, if you want to be happy, and this is basic in Buddhism, the wish to be happy. You know, there's all these things, may I be happy, may all beings be happy, just as all beings wish to be happy, I wish to be happy, you can acknowledge your wish to be happy. Now, if you're wishing to be happy, how practical is it going to be to have your happiness depend on your success or a sunny day, you know, or the kind of meal you get to eat? How practical would that be to have your happiness pinned to particular experiences?

[31:20]

If you want to be happy, you're just going to have to go ahead and, you know, see about being happy regardless of the weather or what you have to eat or what somebody says to you, you know. If you want happiness, you can't have it, you know, hinged on how well can you get the world to behave so the world makes you happy, right? I mean, that's Buddhism, okay? So again, so if you disentangle, when you disentangle your objective happiness from, you know, all the ways that you thought, you know, you should be able to get it, you know, and just go for happiness or go for connection, go for connection or go for acceptance. You want to accept yourself however you are and however the world appears, but you're not interested in accepting. Well, you're just going to have to go ahead and do that, because there's not some way like, well, I'll accept myself after I get myself into the great shape that I always thought I could get myself into, right?

[32:21]

Okay. So this has to do with the view of where you're going, all right? Now let's assume, like, you're not interested in doing that and you've still, you know, you've got the obstacle, okay? I don't mind. You know, we love obstacles. So another thing to do is, because what else were you going to do with your life after all, you know, except to get another obstacle? That's the way it works. You get rid of one and you'll find another one, because that's what's fun. So you don't have to be in a big hurry to get rid of your obstacle, you'll get another one soon enough. So another interesting, you know, basic thing in Buddhism is to notice that when you come up to an obstacle, is to notice how you entangle yourself with the obstacle. So, if you have the obstacle of, you know, feeling fearful, excessively fearful or paranoid,

[33:33]

you know, and it's just pervasive, and it keeps, of course, you know, you're doing your best not to experience this, because who wants it? But when you're a little tired or a little fragile or things didn't quite go well, it will attack you. It will get you right when you're a little weak, right? You know that Rilke poem, all of you undisturbed cities, haven't you ever longed for the enemy? I'd love to see you besieged by him for ten earth-shaking, you know, years, until at last you were desperate and ... I can't remember the whole poem. But you know, at the end he says, you know, that enemy, well, he goes on to say, the enemy is out there. While you sit up in your castle, the enemy is out there. His numbers don't decrease, his patience is more than yours, and he doesn't send anyone

[34:33]

to threaten or negotiate. Anyway, all these things are out there. So this is why I told you at the beginning of the talk, right? Just welcome stuff. You know, I'll welcome you all in, and then I don't have to worry about, you know, trying to keep it out. Anyway, if you have this kind of fear, it could be anything, loneliness, you know. How is it that you get obsessed with it? So with Buddhism, one of the suggestions is, you know, you can note, you can notice, and if you want, you can actually make a mental note. This is Vipassana technique, right? You can notice, and then make a mental note, fear, or lonely. And then what you want to notice is, is it pleasant or painful? Is it pleasant or unpleasant? You want to notice, and possibly note, pleasant, unpleasant. And then usually with unpleasant, there will be some trying to push away. And with pleasant, there will be some trying to grasp.

[35:33]

And it's actually that way in which, with our awareness, we're grasping or averting, which then keeps the object there, because we're struggling with it, because we want it or we don't want it. If you don't care about it, it's not going to stick around. It's because you're concerned one way or another. I want this fear, or I don't want this fear, and then it will stay there. That's how you keep it there. That's how we do it. And again, you could also just practice changing your posture, you know, doing yoga, you know, and it will, or you bow. If you practice bowing, you can't keep, you know, fear. You can't keep all these things. You practice bowing, and your head hits the floor, and your head is below your heart, you know, and all these things are happening, and you can't keep your mind the way you had it. So that's a great way to let go of something. But I'm giving you another possibility, right? Because I want to give you several. So that's another one. See if you can notice how it is that you do get entangled up with the object, and it's

[36:38]

not true. You say, oh, I can't help it. You know, I'm not usually like this. I'm not usually afraid, or I'm not usually angry. But actually, there's some way in which we do it, and we choose to do it. And we say, I don't want that, and we try to push it away, instead of just letting it arise and, you know, we have the experience for a few moments, and then it disappears. So you can try to notice, like, how something comes, and how you get entangled with it. And another possibility, we were talking about this, some of us at dinner, you know, so we came up with several. So another possibility is, like, you appreciate it, you know, like, this sadness is so beautiful. Or you can actually, at some point, appreciate even the exquisite, you know, uncertainties of fear, you know, this is possible.

[37:43]

And it's the same with how your awareness is with, when you're stretching in yoga. How is your awareness with the tension? And if you push it away, it's one experience, and if you welcome it, or if you touch it with your awareness. So this is a shift in your awareness, just, you decide to practice, can I receive something with kindness? And it's also the shift from control to compassion. A lot of meditation is, you know, shifting from control, how can you produce the experience you decided you want to, compassion is, you know, we heard the other night, listening and receiving your experience. And if you listen with some warmth or kindness in your heart, and receiving that experience, then actually, that will, that, you know, dissolves it, because something like fear,

[38:47]

when you actually receive it, instead of like turning away from it, you receive it, it shifts. And you know, another basic strategy in Zen is, if you're afraid, go encourage somebody else. If you're sad, go do something to, you know, make somebody else happy. If you're discouraged, encourage others. You know, you have this immediate strategy, like if you feel some way, then help somebody else get over that. So you know, and you can come up with, the point is not to limit yourself to like there's some way to do all this stuff. There's not just some way, you don't need to ask, and you don't need to ask anybody, you know, it's as if you're just to emphasize, before, before you ask a teacher, see if you can figure it out for yourself. That's Zen, that's Buddhism. Before you ask a teacher, see if you can figure it out for yourself. Then you're not saying like, it's be, I mean, you know, to give up on yourself before you

[39:53]

even try, before you even look around for the, you know, the solution or the answer or how to be with your obstacle, you know, to say, oh, well, what, well, what do I do now? You're, you know, you're abandoning yourself before you even have a chance, you've abandoned, so why not, you know, call forth your own resourcefulness and your own creativity and your own capacity to live your life and call it forth and ask it, you know, to help, because it's there. And part of it is giving yourself this kind of mission, there's not just one answer, there's not just one way, you know, I'll find out what to do. And if you decide, I'll find out what to do, that's different than, I'll wait and see what happens. Do you see the difference? You can actually decide, I will find out what to do. And that is, you know, tremendous power right there. And to decide that is to go against everything, you know, that says in your life, you, you're

[40:58]

such a failure, you don't know what, you never know what to do, you can't figure this out, you better go talk to the Zen master, you better listen to what he has to say, you've never amounted to anything, you know, you are such a disaster. And you just decide, regardless of what, you know, you've heard all your life, I'm going to figure this out. And you know, that's Buddhism. Because the basic, you know, the entry to the path in Buddhism is truth of suffering, I've got an obstacle, if I get rid of one obstacle, there's another obstacle, I'll figure out what to do, I'll find out what to do, that's Buddhism. And then all this other stuff is, you can try it out, you know, you can try out this practice or that practice, but basically I'm going to figure this out, I'm going to get to the bottom of this, I'll figure out what I haven't been able to figure out, I'll find

[41:59]

out, you know, how to deal with this that I haven't known how to deal with, and you know, I'm going to do it. Because then you start to notice in your life, you know, you start to notice what you're doing and how you do your life. And then you can do these, you can practice these forms or, you know, any number of things, and you'll find your way, because you asked yourself, because you decided, I will, I'll do it, I'll find it, I'll go there, I know how to do this, I'll find out. So one last thing I want to remind you of, you know, this is like, you know, the question, you know, what is your inmost request, Suzuki Roshi said, you know, what, you know, realize your inmost request, express your inmost request, you know, manifest it, act it, what

[43:00]

is it you really want, and then, you know, go ahead, you can do that. And what is it you really want is different than doing it right, you know, it's not going to do any of us any good to do it right, but to do what we want, you know, then that helps everybody. When I, you know, when you realize, you acknowledge your inmost wish, I want to be happy, I want to accept, I want to connect with others, I don't want to feel separate, you know, I want to feel whole in my body, I want to be settled, I want some clarity. What it is you want, then, you know, you can do it, and you can find out how to do it, and it's not about doing it right, it's just your wish, and the more you acknowledge your wish, and you invite your wish, you know, and call your wish forward, then that gives

[44:05]

your life, you know, some real energy to move, you know, forward, and that moving forward is not the same as you have some goal. It's an expression of your wish, which is different than, I want to get over there where I don't have any of these problems. Now we get to listen to the crickets and the sound of the creek, I'm done, I'm out of here, we're going to chant, but can we do a little ho, you know, I like doing the chant ho, so many of you are familiar with it, but, and then we'll go into our regular chant, okay? The chant ho is the syllable for dharma in Japanese, this is a chant that ...

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