The other night I told a story about a woman who had made a doll and I wanted to tell the story again because I wanted to. Some of you may not have heard it, may not have been here the other night. This is someone who was in a doll making class where one makes a life-sized doll over the course of nine or ten months, starting with the feet made of clay. There's a woman in Berkeley who teaches this class whose understanding about art is that art is not for her something to do with individual genius, but that it's something that comes out of community and our inner relationship with one another. So during this process a group of women work on the dolls together, the so-called doll's life-size figures, and talk with one another about what's going on in their life, in their

[01:14]

heart, in their spirit, and what direction they might need to go in or what they are working on in their life. The doll is something that comes out of all this work that they're doing. The people who make these dolls are for the most part not artists, this is just any person. So part of the wonderful quality about the dolls when you see one of these shows is that you see the sincerity and the carefulness, the wholeheartedness that went into the work. You don't see some exquisite, magnificent, well-crafted piece that is some kind of pinnacle. You see something honest and out of the person. So this one particular show that I went to, there was a doll that was for me quite moving,

[02:20]

and it was an older woman, and the little story with it said that when the artist said that when she was young she had asked her parents when she was about eight, she had realized the other children had grandmothers and she didn't. She wondered about her grandmother and she said, well, where are my grandparents? And her father said to her, the Nazi bastards killed her, the Nazi bastards killed them. So after that she never asked about her grandparents anymore, but she always wished that she could have met or could have known her grandparents. Thank you.

[03:47]

So all through this year that she had worked on the doll, she said she didn't realize that she was making a doll that would be her grandmother, and it wasn't until it was all constructed with the whole body and the dress and everything, somebody who had been with her this whole year working on the doll said, gee, that looks like it could be your grandmother. And she realized it was. And then when she saw the doll out there and she realized that her grandmother must have been in her all along, but she didn't know that or realize that until she created this piece, life-size figure. On again, off again. Well, I thought this was, there was something about this quite touching, and I think all

[04:51]

of us, you know, for all of us, we don't always realize what is inside us. And sometimes through our work, our activity, we catch a little glimpse like this. We realize we're not, I'm not just me. I'm also my parents, my ancestors, my child, my friends. I'm interconnected with other people. It's something I think, you know, people here at times will notice working in the kitchen or the dining room here or cleaning cabins. People will notice that the effort is not just coming from them. It's just kind of a shared effort. And even though it may be tiring work, there's something we'll notice at times, also some kindness or our joy in the activity and our basic well-being. So I wanted to read you a passage from the Zen teacher, Shorto, who was a Chinese Zen

[05:56]

master. This is what he said. Our teaching has been handed down by the ancient Buddhas. We do not speak of meditation or spiritual progress, only the arrival at the knowledge and vision of Buddhahood. Mind itself is Buddha. Mind, Buddha, sentient beings, enlightenment, affliction are all different words for the same thing. You should know that your own mind, your own mind's aware essence is neither finite nor eternal, by nature neither defiled nor pure. It's still and complete, the same in ordinary people and saints, responding effectively without pattern, apart from mind, intellect and discriminating consciousness. So for me this passage has a little bit of that same feeling.

[07:03]

Mind itself is Buddha. Mind, Buddhas, sentient beings, enlightenment, affliction are all different words for the same thing. So this also means that, you know, raking, cooking, dirty dishes, cutting, chopping, busing, walking, resting, bathing, these are all different words for the same thing. But they're also different things. But it's the same thing. What is it? So in our lives we tend to want to pick and choose. We think things are really different. And we try to avoid some things and get some other things.

[08:06]

And we don't understand that there's something there that doesn't change. It doesn't really, in one way things are changing and on the other hand our mind is already still and complete. Situations arise and our mind responds. The lights go out, it's dark. Nobody says, gee, it's still light in here. You know, our awareness very naturally responds. We know it's dark. And this is the same for all of us. It just works like that. So sometimes, anyway, often, you know, so one of the questions I want to bring up anyway is, you know, do you think, you know, do you understand this kind of, can you understand this kind of expression? Grandmother is already there or mind, Buddhas, sentient beings, affliction, enlightenment

[09:10]

are all different words for the same thing. What this also, I think, for me, you know, what this also means is that, well, it has something to do with the fact that, you know, the profundity or depth of our life in Zen or Buddhism, we teach that, it teaches that the profundity or depth in our life is already there with something, you know, with the superficial, with the mundane. So our ordinary life seems, it seems, things seem ordinary. This is also the mundane, this is also the profundity and depth of our life.

[10:13]

So then we come, then, you know, if one understands or appreciates this, then what does this mean? Then it means, you know, actually being in the present and taking care of or engaging in the things of the moment. And the things of the moment we call raking, you know, swimming, sitting, eating, drinking a cup of tea, we call dirty dishes. We call many different things, you know, what is the thing of the moment. So, for instance, a monk asked the Zen teacher, Zhao Zhou, how do I, how do I reach the marrow? You know, how do I reach the depth? How do I reach the marrow? And Zhao Zhou said, just pay attention to the skin. In my body, there's no marrow to depend upon.

[11:20]

And the monk said, well, what is marrow then? And Zhao Zhou said, when you don't even feel the skin. You know, in this sense, when you don't even feel the skin as skin, as though it was separate from the marrow. When you don't understand, when you, when you stop thinking that these superficial things are just superficial. This is, this is the marrow. The marrow is already there. But for any of these superficial things, the mundane things or activities of our ordinary life or daily life. For any of these things to be the marrow, or to be profound, it means, you know, it has something to do with practicing or living. As though they are. You know, we, so we bring ourselves to activities in some engaged way. We engage in washing the face, putting on clothes, walking out the door, eating some breakfast.

[12:30]

This is the marrow. I mean, marrow isn't when we stop, you know, get up. You know, marrow is when these things, when we are doing these things so completely. We don't even, we don't, we stop thinking now the marrow is someplace else. We stop thinking, oh, this is just the skin. Oh, this is just the mundane things I have to take care of. So at this time, you know, we notice some completeness, some stillness. We have some peace in our life. We're not struggling to arrive at some deeper place in the future that we'll get to later. Do you see? And then when we act as though the marrow is somewhere else, then we're trying to take care of these things and it's all just skin.

[13:35]

And then we are struggling to get to the marrow. So anyway, this, here's a passage from Suzuki Roshi. It was in the recent, the Berkeley Zen Center, I always appreciate getting their little newsletter because there's always a little few paragraphs of Suzuki Roshi lecture on the back page. So I take the rest of the newsletter and put it into the recycled paper. No, I thoroughly throw it away. This is continued from some other talk. I don't know. This lecture is given June 17th, 1969. So it's just about, what, 23 years ago? We maintain enlightenment not just once, but innumerable times. And you should have a big enlightenment two or three times.

[14:41]

And the Soto Zen way is to continue our practice forever. How we continue our practice is to be involved in what we're doing right now. When you're counting your breath, you just count. And when you do something with your mind, your mind just does, your mind should be with what you are doing. Just as when you sit, you sit without trying to think about anything. But in your activity, you act or you think. And so at that time, you should be completely involved in your thinking mind, in your activity. So it's this completely involved. It's this completely involved that then the depth or the marrow is already there. Completely involved with the skin. We no longer are seeing the skin as just the skin, but the marrow is also there.

[15:46]

So another way that Dogen Zenji talks about this in the instructions to the cook, he mentions kind mind, joyful mind, and big mind. He says, for the head cook, the cook in the monastery should practice these three minds. So first of all, I want you to understand that each of us must already have these three minds. That's what we just said, right? So it's not as though you make them up. And already we're doing this. So partly we need to understand this is already what we're doing. We already practice kindness and joyfulness and big mindedness. As soon as we do anything. As soon as we cook for other people. As soon as we prepare food. As soon as we garden. As soon as we rake. It's already these minds. So to help you think about this, I want to read you a letter I got recently. It's a very simple letter and it's not very profound at all.

[16:52]

But I think you'll see. These minds there, okay? Let's see what you do. Kind mind. Kind mind, joyful mind, big mind. What's the question? Joyful mind. Kind mind. Kind? Kind. Kind mind is grandmother mind. Grandmother? Joyful mind. No. Big. Big. Big mind. Big mind. Bigger than that. Bigger than that mind. Don't try to put this understanding into your little mind. It's your little mind that will say, I don't understand this. But that doesn't mean that you don't understand this. This is a person who, you know, I've gotten into this sort of correspondence with this person.

[17:55]

I've never met him. He was, at the time he first wrote to me, an Episcopal priest. And since then, he stopped being an Episcopal priest. And then he wrote and he said, I think I'd like to become a cook. Do you have any suggestions? And then he wrote and said, I'm working at this roadhouse. We cook a lot of steaks. I don't think I want to stay there. I want to stay here a long time. But, you know, maybe okay for a while. And then he wrote and said, I've ended up back on the family farm in North Carolina. So that's where we are now. Back at the family farm in North Carolina. Your cookbooks are still in good use here. I baked bread last week. It was beautiful bread, as always. So I think of you often, you see. My life here on the farm has such a wonderful rhythm. This evening, I cooked a dinner for friends. All of the herbs and vegetables came from the garden.

[18:57]

I loved it. The good meal and having friends to share it with. The garden is doing well, all things considered. The cool nights are not helping the summer vegetables, but we've had a good week of rain, so I guess that's a trade-off. It's been so cool that I've had to replant limas, string beans, corn, squash, and cucumber, to name a few. They prefer warm nights and hot days. An afternoon thunderstorm is just a frolic for them. As I mentioned, I did bake some bread last week. I've never had the leisure to try all of the suggestions in the Tut's Herb Bread Book, but I made some French loaves, regular loaves, and soon, I hope, to get some sourdough made. Baking bread really is a great relaxing time for me. I do hope you can get to North Carolina before long. Just now, I'm mulching the garden, taking produce to customers,

[20:00]

and getting ready to plant come the first week of July. Do take care, cordially, Harold. So, a little sense of kind mind, joyful mind, big mind. It's very simple. In a way, it's just doing our life. To do our life in an ordinary way, already, the kind mind, joyful mind, big mind is there. But, anyway, I think I will talk a little bit more about kind mind, big mind, joyful mind. Which is the first? Because, although they're already there, at the same time, when we practice,

[21:02]

it is possible to, in a certain sense, practice cultivating. We understand that it's possible to cultivate these kinds of minds, so to speak. But, before I do that, there's one other thing I want to talk about. Well, let's talk about these first, and then I'll talk about that. So, joyful mind. Joyful mind, we sort of think of as, when we hear the word joy, I know I tend to think of something sort of really, how do you say, you know, it's a big deal. Otherwise, why would we call it joy? But, in this context, joyful doesn't necessarily mean this big joyful experience, as opposed to something that's quiet, or something that's sort of calm, or something that is even difficult. You know, in this context, joy is something,

[22:07]

joy is where we're, in a sense, it's our willingness to be doing what we're doing. And when we're willing, when we do something willingly, then our awareness, our being, starts to resonate with the activity. We come into a kind of resonance with the activity, with the objects that we're working with. So, when we're really busy and in a hurry, we don't do this. We don't have time to resonate with things. No. We don't have time to actually, if we're cooking, we don't have time to actually smell anything, or really look at anything, or examine it, or taste it. We just need to get it cooked. And then we think we'll have time to eat it. But we might be watching TV or something else, and even then we won't have the possibility, the joy which is there,

[23:11]

we won't know, we won't experience the joy that's there, because we're doing too many things at once, or we don't have time, or we're not doing what we're doing with some willingness or generosity of spirit. And there's even, as I think most of us probably have experienced, there's even the joy of listening to footsteps on the ceiling. What the heck, let's put those in there too. There's even a kind of joy from, how do you say, when you can't go on anymore, or when you're depressed. But it has to do with actually being with your life. On one hand you say, well I'm upset, or I'm this or I'm that,

[24:12]

but when you're actually there with it, you feel, there's a kind of, there's this resonance, and it's like a kind of joy. So when we're actually with our life, even though what we're with is painful, this is a form of joy. So this means when we go to work and it's actually difficult and it's hard, but we're there and we're struggling with that, and we're with our struggle. Even at that time we have the possibility for some joy, a kind of joy, this resonance, this resonating with our being, with the world. And so in that sense you see, again, the mind itself is Buddha, the affliction, the enlightenment, the sentient being, the Buddha, are all different words for the same thing. They're different words for the same thing when we are with the experience.

[25:15]

Then there's joy there as well as the suffering, as well as the struggle. The depth of our life is there, and there's a joy in knowing the depth of our life, and not just kind of being on the surface, worried that we're going to fall through into the depth of our life. Have you ever noticed that? But even at that time we could have a kind of joy just being with that, right? Anyway, we have to be where we are, where the person we are, you know, at any particular moment, any particular activity. So, I don't know, sometimes I sort of... I worry about sort of repeating myself, you know,

[26:22]

but I'm going to go ahead and repeat myself anyway, what the heck. So, also, joy is the sort of thing where, you know, we're often waiting for the object to induce the joy in us. So we need to, you know, it helps us to realize that a lot of our joy is what we can allow ourselves to feel, allow ourselves to feel some joy, and allow things to touch us, allow things to move us. You know, I mentioned this the other night. So this is how we can cultivate joy, because we soften or make our awareness subtle, supple enough to, and receptive enough, open enough to receive things and to be moved by things and to resonate with things. Let things touch us, let other people touch us. And as you can tell, you know, as I mentioned too the other night, when... this is scary, right? It's actually, you know, threatening to be touched by anything,

[27:29]

even to be, you know, moved by a flower. We look at a flower and, oh, it's just a flower. So who cares? But when we receive a flower with some openness and, you know, allow it to touch us, then we're touched, we're moved, we have joy. And it's the same with raking or washing the dishes, picking up a vegetable, cutting a vegetable, cleaning a vegetable, cooking, serving. Each of these activities is some... is our possibility or, you know, to be moved, to resonate with things, to be in our life with some joy. The Kind Mind The Kind Mind is, as I mentioned, said to be like a grandmother's mind.

[28:30]

Grandmother... the grandparents take care of the grandchild. Kind of, you know, spoiled. And they don't... the grandparents don't have to worry about discipline. Disciplining. So we can, you know, actually take care of something, you know, carefully. And again, this is our, you know, this is our own good-heartedness that is coming out when we do something. And it's also the kind of quality that if we're not careful, we kind of think we need to hoard. You know, we need to kind of be careful what we give our kindness to. I better hold on to it. Somehow we get the idea that kindness is something that there's a limited quantity of it. And if I'm kind to one person, I won't have any left. You know, and so we're sort of waiting for the right,

[29:36]

you know, the really precious thing to be kind to. And then, you know, we... then we're in such a habit of withholding our kindness that, you know, we know it doesn't come. The thing that would be worth giving our kindness to, and then when it comes along, we don't know. We're so unaccustomed to expressing any kindness, or we can't do it. So again, from this point of view, it's useful to understand that each thing that we do or each thing or each activity is the possibility to offer our kindness. Some kind way of being with people, or making the coffee, serving the coffee, offering something, offering a smile, offering a look, offering a word, offering to listen.

[30:37]

So these are all things that, you know, any one of us, we don't, you know, it's hard for us to do. We're sort of busy or something. I know that's the way I get, you know, I get sort of preoccupied. Important things to think about. And then, you know, people don't want to interrupt me. They don't even want to say hello to me. Because I'm obviously so preoccupied that people don't want to disturb me. And then, how come people aren't very kind to me? You know, after a while you start to wonder. And then you don't need to look very far. I mean, you know, if you're wondering why people aren't kind, it's probably, you know, it's probably somebody pretty close to home who could stand up, be a little kinder. So in that sense, kindness is, you know, and generosity. These are things that even to, when we see something or we see someone,

[31:42]

or when we do the simplest thing, this requires basic kind of kindness or generosity. Because we're giving our awareness to something. We're giving our kind-heartedness to something, our open-heartedness. So the big-mindedness of this is not to, you know, not to discriminate. Where, what's going to get the kindness, what isn't, what really deserves it, what doesn't. What should have the joy, you know, where the joy is, where it isn't. So the big-mindedness is to be cultivating joy or well-being or happiness and peace each moment with various activities that we do. Each of these little pieces of skin and flesh that we're engaged in, which can also be the marrow.

[32:46]

So in another chapter from Dogen, the Guidelines for Studying the Way, Dogen says, well, he points out that, you know, many people have done, practiced austerities. People have done various things to try to have some spiritual advancement. So he says, although many people have practiced austerities, very few of them have realized the way. It's not necessary to practice austerities, he says, just harmonize your body and mind. It's not necessary to, and in the same way, overindulging in various things, very few people have attained the way. Just practice harmonizing body and mind. So we can look at harmonizing various ways.

[34:07]

One kind of understanding is to harmonize the body, is to, you know, take care of your life in such a way that your body is in good health and so that the body can be settled and peaceful rather than agitated. And to harmonize the mind is what we've been talking about. To harmonize the mind is to allow your mind to harmonize with the things that you're, of any particular moment that you're in. Your mind, our mind will harmonize with getting up, harmonizes with getting dressed, harmonizes with washing, harmonizes with brushing the teeth, so as I mentioned the other night, the passage which I like a lot, letting things come and abide in your mind, letting your mind return and abide in things.

[35:11]

This is harmonizing. So then Dogen goes on to say, so brilliant, being brilliant, the brilliance, understanding are not important. Conscious endeavor is not important. What you think or feel or introspect your memories are not important. So much is just this harmonizing with the events in your life. Thank you. Somehow here at Tassajara it actually seems possible.

[36:13]

It's one of the great miracles of Tassajara. But I do want to, as I mentioned earlier, I have this other side to this that I want to mention. You know, for years people used to say, you'd sort of hear this thing like, well, you know, whatever you do in the kitchen is going to come out in the food, so you better watch your mind and you better make sure that your mind is just right and perfect or people are going to have to eat it. You know. So if you had a big fight, you know, people are going to taste it in the food. So it may be so, but I don't know, still I feel like, you know, none of us are, we're not that perfect, we need to, at some point we have to, you know, do it anyway. And I know that sometimes when I go to cook, I don't feel like I have any food,

[37:19]

you know, the food is not just something out there, it's sort of like, you know, I don't feel like I have something to offer, like I don't have the stuff in me, you know. And I sort of felt that way today about, you know, giving a talk tonight because I'm kind of sick. I got a cold and so I sort of feel like, well, I don't have anything to say. You know. So it's interesting that, you know, you don't actually have to have something. And you can offer it anyway. And this is, again, our, you know, in a way our kindness and our generosity. At that time. And so, also, as I, you know, I've talked about this before, so those of you who have heard it,

[38:25]

I do tend to repeat myself, sorry. But I really appreciated, a couple of years ago, Kadagirishi's lecture before he, a few months before he died, he gave a talk and he said, you know, some students had asked their Zen teacher, you know, what about dying? And the teacher said, I don't want to die. Of course, the students were rather upset or, you know, like surprised. Oh, but aren't you a Zen master? You know, doesn't that mean you're detached from all of this? Doesn't this mean you transcend these things? You know, so how do you understand the statement, I don't want to die? You know, is there kind mind there? Is there joyful mind there? Is there big mind there? Does your mind, can your mind harmonize with the feeling or the thought, I don't want to die? Can you be with that?

[39:27]

You know, with some big mindedness? So I think when the Zen teacher says, I don't want to die, also big mind is already there. Kind mind is already there. This mind is not coming or going. The not wanting to die, being willing to die, these are all different names for the same thing. But anyway, then Katagarishi said, you know, some of those Zen masters, they write a lovely poem before they die. He said, but it's really nothing but an exquisite scream. It may look like a lovely poem, but it's also an exquisite scream. That's the other side, right? I don't want to die is also, you know, a big heart.

[40:28]

And then he said, so when somebody dies, somebody dying may feel many different things. They may be angry or struggling, may be calm, may be peaceful. So then he makes this wonderful statement. Strictly speaking, however you die is okay. So, you know, when I talk about kind mind, joyful mind, big mind, I don't want you to think, oh gosh, I don't have enough kind mind. Oh gosh, I don't have enough joyful mind. Is there some way I can punish myself for this? Is there some good way I can criticize myself? Oh boy, another thing to hit myself over the head with, another thing to whip myself over. Right? So I don't want you to understand these things like this, right? Otherwise, you know, you right away lose big mind, lose kind mind, lose joyful mind.

[41:42]

So even when you don't have them, you know, if you remember, strictly speaking, however you die is okay, then even when you don't have them, they're already there. You can be kind to yourself over the fact that you're not very kind. You can be, you know, have some joy over the fact that you don't have, you know, being with this sort of feeling of not having any joy. There's big mind already there, big mind which contains everything. Okay.

[42:47]

I'm going to read you to, just to end the talk, I'm going to read you a short passage. Someone I've known for a number of years, who teaches in a little different tradition called Kundalini Yoga. I'll read you something from one of his newsletters. Newsletter kind of night, I guess. Our lives will never go where we think they ought to. Have you ever noticed that? Fortunately, if we allow it, they will go in a direction that's much better than anything we could have imagined for ourselves. This is why it's a good thing to be as quiet as possible. And to look to the creative power within us that is the source of both our distress and relief.

[43:51]

We could also say, you know, look to the mind, Buddha. Mind itself is Buddha. Buddha, sentient beings, afflictions, enlightenment, delusion, different names for the same thing. This is the creative power within us. Here we call it the creative power within us. Okay. Remember, this is another word for the same thing. Okay, now it's going to be the creative power within us. Our lives will never go where they think they ought to. Fortunately, if we allow it, they'll go in a direction even better than anything we could have imagined for ourselves. This is why it's a good thing to be as quiet as we can and look to the creative power within us that is the source of both our distress and our relief. When we let that creative power work in us, it's the same thing as saying, Thy will be done. It will be anyway, so we might as well relax.

[44:55]

We might as well be joyful. We might as well be kind. We might as well be even larger hearted. Okay. Thank you.

[45:10]

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