Talks are, I've said this before, but talks are like serving a meal. You get it all prepared, right, and then there's no help for it. The time comes you have to serve it. And you kind of just, you know, like, and sometimes you have a feeling like, well, it's pretty good, I have no problem, I'll just put it out there and everybody's going to love it. And other times you think, well, I don't know, I'll put it out there and see what they think. And then there's even other times when you think, this is not very good, but they're hungry. They're expecting me to say something. So, in the usual spirit of things, I'm just trying to serve it forward. I thought I'd start by, excuse me, just a slight, short

[01:05]

review of last night. We talked about mindfulness, one of the seven wings of enlightenment. And mindfulness is the aspect, quality of mind of being aware, being present with awareness. And we all are familiar with the difference that this kind of quality, something that we bring to things, that it makes in our life. The difference between doing something with awareness and thinking later, well, what did I do all afternoon? And the way that even something simple, when we do it with awareness, can be very refreshing. Just something simple like drinking a cup of tea, drinking a glass of water, breathing a single breath. When it's done with awareness, with mindfulness, it can be powerfully healing and centering for us, tremendously nourishing, supporting our life. And that this quality, that part

[02:11]

of the problem we have, is thinking that we keep looking for the object that's going to give us satisfaction, not realizing that it's our mindfulness that is going to provide the satisfaction. So we can, whether it's drinking a glass of water or eating something, when we do it without mindfulness, it doesn't touch us and it doesn't nourish us, the way that we do when we're present and sensing, certainly. Last night I felt, when I talked about this, I felt a kind of sorrow or grief in the room, just a little pain, I don't know if you noticed that, but I felt something like that. And I thought about it later, because I feel that same kind of feeling sometimes, a feeling about my life, how it's passing by, and I miss an awful lot of it. And there's this kind of sorrow or grief that we have

[03:14]

sometimes of realizing, I haven't been here for my life. I haven't been here for my children. I haven't been here for my husband or wife. Where have I been? I've had more important things to do. Of course, mindfulness isn't particularly concerned about accomplishment and getting things done, and so forth. Mindfulness is just being there. So it's a rather different quality, and so we can get distracted by the results. And so what I was suggesting last night is that if we're not careful, we never find a suitable object for our mindfulness. We find very few things that we sort of feel naturally, like, I'm going to give this a whole lot of attention. And so then there's many, many things that go by and say, well, just following my breath, that's not too interesting, glass of water, I've got lots of glass of

[04:16]

water, and I've gone for a lot of walks, and this is... So many moments of our life go by without our awareness or attention. And so this kind of powerful practice is something that's necessary at some point to decide just to do this as a practice, not because the object demands it, but because that's what I want. I want to give my attention to things, and particularly in a certain level, I'd like some attention from me. I'd like to be with myself. I'd like somebody to be willing to be with me, and it would be nice if it was me. That would be really wonderful. Instead of that boy saying, well, I'd be willing to hang out with you when you get your shit together. When you have something to show for your life, I'd be willing to hang out with you a little bit. And if you were a little more interesting kind of a person, I'm sure I'd be willing to spend some time with you

[05:19]

then. But you're not very interesting right now, and you don't really have it together, and I have more interesting things to do than hang out with you. I don't know about you, but I have had that tendency at various times to talk to myself like that. And so we find it's sort of a symptom of low self-esteem. So this is very powerful when you make a decision, just to be mindful, to be willing to be with yourself, to be willing to be with somebody who's not very interesting, who's not tremendously compassionate, who doesn't particularly have it together, and just whoever you think you might be. But to be willing to hang out with that person is very powerful. Whether that person you think of as your breath, your body, your legs, your stomach, your chest, your mind. And to be willing to hang out there with yourself. This is a wonderfully healing, nourishing quality. And once you're willing

[06:20]

to do this with yourself, of course, it's not much of a problem than to be able to do it with food. And sometimes to be able to do it with food is what allows you to do it with you. So it works both ways. And one of the things I've found about cooking for me is that because I can, because it's kind of safe to be willing to hang out with carrots and onions and these insignificant creatures of the world, who aren't winning Nobel Prizes or anything, and in the arms race particularly, they're just hanging out there. They're just hanging out with them. And then to spend this kind of time with them, then it's sort of helped me to be able to do that with myself. They're not about the same level as fruits and vegetables, you know. And it's, for me, it's always, it's been like, you know, I look

[07:21]

at little flowers and even weeds sometimes, and I see, you know, these flowers have tremendous sincerity, and they just do their thing, and they're out there in the world, and they're so sincerely what they are. You know, even if they're a weed or insignificant little flower, wildflower, they're just so sincerely what they are, and I figure, well, if they can do it, so can I. All right, so this is mindfulness, and essentially it's not depending on the object, you see. So tonight I thought I'd talk about concentration. And concentration is another of the seven limbs of enlightenment, and it's a, in a certain sense, it's a support for mindfulness, and also mindfulness is a support for concentration. And this concentration is, as I mentioned before, has the quality of not being scattered, not being scattered, not being here and there and so forth, but being focused, one-pointed, so to speak, collected, feeling of being collected.

[08:29]

And I would say, and certainly I have the feeling, I would say that on the whole we have a tremendous long and deep wish to be concentrated or absorbed. Because in this, at the time of absorption, whether it's meditative absorption or absorbed in what you're doing, there's a feeling of being one. You're one with yourself, you're not divided. You yourself, you're not divided, and where, you know, part of you wants to do one thing and the other part wants to do something else, and you're not sure you want to do this and maybe you'd like to do that, but you're, you know, the person is one. I'm one with myself and then I'm also one with the object. So there's also no separation with me and the world out there, like the world is some kind of enemy that had to be overcome or the world is some kind of threat in place and I have to watch out. But at this time of absorption, I am one with

[09:33]

myself, I'm one with the objects of the world, whether that object is my breath or the wood, if you're a carpenter, and the work of carpentry, or if it's cooking and food, there's this quality of being one. And we have this tremendous longing, deep wish for this kind of state, this kind of being. But again, we have, we tend to have the difficulty or we tend to make the mistake that absorption is in the object, resides in the object. So we wait for someone, some person to come along who entrances us or will absorb us, or we wait for some particularly strong inspiration, or we get a tremendous creative urge and we

[10:37]

wait for that. And we think, well, unless this comes along, unless this particularly powerful object comes along, there's not much chance to be absorbed. So again, on the whole, we tend to pass up opportunities for concentration, absorption, in the simple tasks of our life. In terms of kitchen, it's things like washing the lettuce, washing the dishes, cleaning the pots. There's many tasks in the kitchen. You know, the other day they were out in the kitchen, they were behind the kitchen sorting the fresh spinach from the gummy goo, from the slime. And this is rather, you know, this looks like, this is just tedious. It's just tedious. This is not, this kind of activity, this doesn't have, we tend to think this kind of activity has no possibility for absorption. And then depending

[11:39]

on what our standards are, we might almost never find anything that has the possibility for absorption. Some of us have very high standards, and so we're looking here, we're looking there. You know, we pick up one thing and there's not much to it, it's kind of tedious, it's boring, it's not too interesting. Let's put that down, let's go on to the next thing. And so our mind is always splitting for one thing or another, that kind of quality. That's a kind of quality of the scatteredness system. And partly that scatteredness comes from this thinking, this understanding that the absorption is in the object. So I thought I'd tell you a little poem, a Rumi poem. I came across this, and Rumi is the Sufi poet. He's kind of fun, you know, he's not too serious like these Zen people. So here's the way the poem goes. These spiritual window shoppers who idly ask, how much does it cost? Oh, I'm just looking. They handle a hundred things and put

[12:48]

them down, shadows with no capital. What's spent is love and two eyes wet with weeping. But these walk into a shop and their whole lives pass suddenly before them in that shop, in that moment. Where'd you go? Nowhere. What'd you do? What'd you eat? Nothing much. Even if you don't know what you want, buy something to be part of the exchange and flow. Start a huge foolish project like Noah. It makes absolutely no difference what people think of you. It has a little bit of that quality of looking for something better that doesn't cost too much. And so is sorting the spinach going to be good enough for you to absorb yourself in? Or

[13:49]

does it have to be something more grandiose? And I'll tell you, I don't know, as far as I can tell, I mean, maybe I'm just running in the wrong circles, you know, Zen monasteries and, you know, you're cooking, you know, things in residence, but there doesn't seem to be many of those things around, those grandiose things. And, you know, like Edison said about invention, you know, 1% inspiration and 99 percent inspiration, cooking's about like that too, you know. It's a little creativity and then a lot of shit work. And it's really wonderful that way because then you just, it puts one thing after another to be absorbed in. So another kind of poem or little poem that has this kind of quality to it is a short little verse by Dogen in the instructions to the tensor that I gave you, or in your retreat. Using, even if you use one word, seven words, or three or five, even if you, with one word, seven words, three or five, you investigate myriad phenomena. Nothing in the universe can be

[15:00]

dependent upon. Night advances. The full moon glows and sinks into the ocean. The black dragon jewel you've been searching for is everywhere. And that's the quality of buy something. You know, don't wait. The activity right now is an opportunity for assertion. Okay, so let me see, I'm going to check my notes here because I have lots of things to talk about. Oh yeah, here we go. Oh okay. Why don't I go on and I'll talk to you about the, so Dogen also said, in the art of cooking, the

[16:14]

regardless of the fineness or coarseness of the ingredients. That's that same quality. You bring your power of absorption and the capacity to absorb to each ingredient, whether or not it's inherently, seems like it's rich or poor or, you know, you bring your sincerity and wholeheartedness and respect to the ingredient. This is the essential consideration. So let me say a little more just sort of in classical terms, what concentration or absorption is. By the way, I like the term absorption, even though it has this kind of sponge, sponge qualities, you know, like sponges absorb and then paper towels. Somebody, this student said, what are you talking about? He said absorption. I mean, they said like, I mean, like paper towels, like wet paper towels. But even though I like the quality of concentration doesn't, absorption just seems to me so powerful. I like the sense of being absorbed in things and that quality. That to me has a more kind of powerful sense of this quality of the absorption in or the, so that kind of oneness of mutually infused or interdependent and inter-one, being one together.

[17:37]

The word absorption is to be absorbed in something. That kind of, for me, that kind of sense. But if you like just concentration better or one point in this or something, fine. So the classically, the nature of absorption is considered to have five parts. And the five parts, first of all, the first two parts are quality of applying the mind to the object. So again, whether the object is lettuce or spinach or your breath, there's the quality of bringing your mind and in a sense of applying it to the object. And that this is, there's a kind of effort at the initial stage of absorption to bring your mind to the object. Some effort is required to do that. In other words, it's acknowledged, not everything is naturally absorbed in. You might, you know, initially, most things you're going to have to make the effort to bring your mind to the object. And then the second factor is sustained application. This is also known, well, this is, so this sustained application is kind of examination, getting familiar with the qualities of the object and seeing more and more clearly, seeing the object more and more clearly or with in a sense more intimacy.

[18:59]

Sometimes it's to, to apply the mind to the object and examine in more detail. This is like, you know, picking up a bowl and then looking at it. It's described in those many terms. It's also known as to touch and to rub. The certain rubbing quality that goes with the second one. So it's like feeling something out. You're finding out more about it. The third quality of concentration, factor of concentration absorption is joy. We talked a little bit about joy a few minutes ago. And I think the simplest way to describe it is the capacity to be moved by things, the capacity to be touched. And there's, and with that, there's a certain quality of, in other words, reverberating with things that you can, that we have that kind of capacity to, to be the thing, the thing is there and then there's a kind of reverberate with it.

[20:05]

And of course, when we have this, when we're able to be that way with an object, you can see how conducive that is to concentrating on it. Because it's very hard to concentrate on something that you feel estranged from, distanced from, there's, you feel kind of cold towards. So this quality is pretty important, along with the next quality, which is a kind of happiness. And this happiness, in a certain sense, is just that you're no longer, you're, of course, there's a, let me just say it anyway, that I don't know exactly how to differentiate it from being touched by things, but it's a kind of ease or relaxed feeling. That you can relax and be at ease with the object. And it's also, in a certain sense, just your willingness to be there, where you are. And there's a kind of happiness with that.

[21:10]

And these two qualities, joy and happiness together, they both have this kind of sense of helping you to merge with the object. And you, when you don't feel, when you have anger or some of the other afflictive kind of emotions, desire, you don't always blend with the object so easily. But with this joy and some ease with the object, some happiness, then it's said to be like soap, that you wash your hands and then the dirt all gets blended in. It's much easier to blend with the object. And the fifth factor of concentration is concentration. One-pointedness itself. And so it's said that as your concentration or absorption is stronger, then, and if you practice some, then being absorbed, then you no longer have to, the necessity to apply your mind to the object is no longer so necessary.

[22:21]

So that those aspects of applying your mind, your mind naturally stays with the object after some practice. And you don't need to keep applying your mind or bringing your mind back to the object and it goes away and you bring it back. Your mind will naturally stay with things. And then further, at some point, the joy itself gets to be distraction from your absorption with the object. And so then the joy drops away and then you just have happiness. You're happily absorbed and then the happiness goes and then you have equanimity. You're absorbed with some equanimity. So this is considered to be a pretty high level of absorption. But I wanted to mention that that's there. Most of us, you know, one breath, think of something, bring the mind back. Washing spinach, tell somebody how crummy it is, bring the mind back. And of course, then there's going to answer the phone and various things.

[23:29]

Then also there's, oh let me say, so just there's that story, many of you know the story about, in the Dogon tales, about the Tenzin monk that he saw at one temple he was staying at, who was out in the sun in the courtyard one day, drying mushrooms. And it was a very hot day, perhaps like Tassajara. And he's a rather elderly man and he was bent over and sweating profusely. And probably, you know, not dressed in shorts and cut off t-shirts, but probably wearing all the right kind of robes and stuff, unlike some of us here at Tassajara. But anyway, sweating profusely, had long shaggy white eyebrows. And Dogon looked at him and then went over to find me and said, well I asked him how old he was and he said 68. And then Dogon said, well, perhaps couldn't you have, it's really hot today, I notice it's really hot and this must be quite difficult work for you to be doing, why don't you have one of your assistants do it.

[24:43]

And the Tenzin monk said, they're not me. And so then Dogon said, well isn't there another time of day that you could do this kind of work? And he said, but that wouldn't be now. So this is something about the quality of absorption. There's not looking around for various excuses as to why you wouldn't absorb yourself in a particular activity. And we all have to do all these things, you know, there's just no way to arrange our lives so that, you know, things come, the mindful faith, you know, food comes and somebody brings it out in a little tray. I mean, even if you're the emperor, my God, I mean, you still can't get everything immediately, you know, without the sort of, and this is a kind of work then to be in absorbing things and it actually takes some time to develop absorption.

[25:49]

I've noticed basically somewhere between five and ten minutes. And especially the first five or ten minutes, you kind of go, do I really have to do this? And it's the same thing, you know, whether you're cooking or you go out jogging, you know. When I go out jogging, I sort of go like about one minute, I sort of go like, how come I ever decided to do this? Did I say I was going to jog for 20 minutes? Oh my God, 30 minutes? Really? Do we have to? And yoga is the same way, you know, first minute or two, my God, this is so stiff, groaning and, you know. And then this goes on, you know, for about the first ten minutes, you know. And after about ten minutes, you stay with something, then you kind of have got a little power of absorption, you know, little capacity to stay with a little better. And then you can kind of go for, you know, another 20, 30 minutes. And then you can, you see in jogging, the first half an hour is your body getting used to it, second half an hour is for your mind getting into it, and then the third half hour is for your spirit or something. And that's about right with jogging. There comes a point in jogging where, you know, when you've gone through certain barriers and you stay with it, that you can just run for a while.

[27:04]

Then you just run, and you're just absorbed in the running and the sensations of running, the sights going by, your breath, and it's no longer difficult to sustain it for a while, you know. And then at some point, you know, beyond that, there's some fatigue that comes. And cooking is kind of like that, you know, or any activity that you do, it takes this time of applying the mind to the object, staying with it, and then some absorption can come. And then you can kind of do it for a while, and then at some point, it's tiring again, and you need a break. So, traditionally in Sutler Zen, you sit 40 minutes, walk 10. You know, I gave you some about 40 minutes because the first 30 minutes, you see, it's only after 30 minutes that you kind of really relax and fall asleep. And you get into that kind of, you know, where am I? And what's this place like? And you can't quite, you know, there's a little different thing that happens after half an hour. So, they give you 40 minutes, but they don't want you to fall asleep too much and go beyond that. So, just 40, and then get up and walk for 10 minutes before you sit down here. And then you can sustain your energy, see? And they say in Vipassana practice that your energy comes back after about an hour.

[28:12]

You know, so that if you're sitting in the 40 minutes and you go through this sort of sleep zone from 40 to 50 minutes, and then if it starts to come back as you approach an hour, keep sitting. And then maybe you can go boom up to two, and then you go for your walk, and you take a longer walk. Anyway, I mentioned that basically just to give you examples of the fact that it takes some work to absorption, getting into a concentrated state. And curiously enough, you know, or not so curiously, or not so surprisingly, actually, our culture, as a culture, you know, we don't acknowledge the power of absorption particularly. We don't give people any credit that they can be absorbed in something. You know, so when you go, I noticed this, like, when I go grocery shopping to get to the checkout stand, there's all these magazines. Lose weight without doing anything. You wouldn't want to have to change your life, would you?

[29:16]

Here's the answer to happiness. Here's how to have good sex with your partner. And, you know, we're going to tell you these things in just a paragraph or two, and you'll know exactly what to do, and you're not going to have to work at it. No. Just buy our magazine. We'll give you the secret right there. It's all right in here. And, you know, it doesn't require anything. And it's the same thing, I mean, at Green's, one time a woman came to Green's and was going to do a story for something called Spring Magazine, which we thought might be pretty good. It's supposed to be put out by Rodeo, who puts out prevention magazines on. And then we saw the article, and it said things like, The clouds passing above are going to a bridge like a celestial choo-choo train. It started out about the rosy-cheeked girl with the flower dust in her hair, and how she was making braiding breads, and the long lines of people outside there. And then it would say things like, and they started Green's with one principle and one principle only, no sprouts.

[30:17]

I mean, we told her that, you know, we didn't use sprouts, and that, you know, we didn't want to just be, and we didn't use sprouts. I know sprouts, right? We didn't use sprouts because it was such a cliché for vegetarian restaurants, and we didn't want to get into the cliché mode. And still people wrote about the bean and sproutery, you know, even though we never served sprouts. They still talked about how we were this, you know, tofu and sprout restaurant. But that's an example of, well, you've got to say something that's going to grab somebody's interest, you know, because you can't expect them to read something and actually become absorbed in what they're reading. So you have to keep sort of having these little things like, oh, here's something serious coming, then make a joke out of it. And then, you know, you've got to keep sort of having these little twisted things and these little, you know, sort of things. And recently, I have a friend who's written, like, a parenting magazine asked him to do an article about a child with a terminal disease. And so he spent months finding, he had to find a child with a terminal disease, and then spent months, you know, spending time with the family and friends and the kids at school and getting to know them.

[31:34]

And then eventually the child died, and the funeral and the services and, you know, the kids. And so he wrote this whole article for them, and then they rejected it. They said, well, it's a little too serious for our readers. They'd be like, oh, well, you know, you want to just make something light and sort of cheery out of this, you know? And somehow, you know, so we have the sense that, you know, people aren't capable of any kind of reality or any real absorption with life. That everything has to be kind of light and cheerful and a little sort of joke and so forth, and then people will be able to deal with it and relate to it. Then it can be in a magazine. Then it can be, you know, and on television it's the other kind of extreme, where you have to have something that will get people's attention. What gets their attention? Violence, sex, you know, weird stuff. And this is what's going to get people's attention. So again, it's like what's on television, a lot of it is like, it doesn't have any sense that people can be absorbed in what they're doing.

[32:39]

And of course the media itself is, television is not particularly, as I've talked before, is not particularly conducive for absorption anyway. Because you don't have the opportunity to work with the television while you're watching it. You know, other than you just change the channels, this is your main work. Blip, blip, blip, blip, blip. And then go from one show to another, and kind of keep track of all the news, kind of amusing and fun. But you don't have the quality to actually work with, you see, to work with the things, and then the things in some sense speak to you, and then you talk back, and then you have this. And then pretty soon there's this absorption, you know, and this oneness and this quality of, you know. So that kind of thing doesn't exactly, it happens more with a book. You know, where you read and then there's a little more work you have to do to bring yourself to the written word than to bring yourself to television. So anyway, it's a quality that's sadly unacknowledged in our culture, and so again it's sort of not surprising that absorption and then work is very much, has very much to do with absorption, is kind of undervalued.

[33:51]

How do you deal with oneness in terms of personal experience? Consumption. You mean like the difference between, well you can be in a sense absorbed in a television show, is that what you mean? Is that consumption, consuming a television show? Obsession or maybe it's sort of engrossed. Engrossed is a little different than the quality of absorption. Maybe. Where do you draw the line? I think, you know, I would say as much as anything it's kind of being honest with yourself. And it's also noticing very carefully what the effects are, and being honest about that. So, as I mentioned the other day, if I watch television for an hour or two, and it might have been extremely entertaining, and then I get up and I kind of go like, I feel kind of deadened.

[34:58]

If you feel deadened, it's not absorption. It's not this kind of absorption of nourishment. It's something else. You know, that's where it's energizing and harmonizing, you know, collecting, where you feel collected and nourished and harmonized, one. So if you feel depleted, drained afterwards, and this is different, depleted or drained is different than like you're tired, but you've done something. It's said in Buddhism that it's a tremendous blessing to be tired at the end of the day where you're able to sleep. You know, like you've actually worked that day, which is different than oftentimes the feeling of being depleted or drained, and then you can't sleep sometimes. But I think you have to look, I think we have to look then pretty carefully at what happens, what the effects are. And many things are like that, whether it's a personal relationship, particular activity with a person, alcohol, overeating, you know, where if you look carefully, you can see that it's not a wholesome kind of activity.

[36:15]

There's some drain happening. Seth, anything? Yeah, I smoke cigarettes for years, telling myself how pleasurable it was. And basically then, that's why I say, you know, it's very hard to notice and acknowledge, this is killing me. No, I'd like to go on thinking it's very pleasurable and it's a lot of fun. And I'd rather not notice any ill effects. And how I stopped, really stopped smoking finally was, I concentrated very carefully on noticing all the ill effects. Not all the ill effects, but just I, you know, basically I found that I was smoking unconsciously as a way to not be aware, to not be absorbed, because it wasn't very pleasant to be with myself. And so, when it's not very pleasant to be with yourself, then you take up practices that help you get away from yourself. And help you do something unconsciously and automatically and you can just smoke a cigarette and you don't have to be anywhere or actually relate with anything.

[37:20]

This is why I sometimes think the definition of happiness in our culture. Never having to relate with anything. And have it all come to you anyway. That's their quality. And so I started practicing smoking, you know, kind of as a ceremony. You put your cigarettes in a little cloth and you have, I was here at Tassajara, you know, and you have a nice little ribbon for it. And then you have your matches there and then when you go to smoke, I mean now I'm about to smoke a cigarette and I'm going to do it with full awareness. And you open it up and you light your cigarette and then, you know, and then when you start doing it with full awareness, you go like... Oh my God! Is this what I've been doing all these years? And, but it's hard to get to that point, you know, because usually you want the cigarette and then I tried this for months, you see, before I got to where I could actually do it with that kind of awareness. Because first of all, you want a cigarette, oh hell with it, you just rip the thing open.

[38:24]

You know, am I going to be aware? No way! So it takes a certain amount of, you know, ongoing effort and work to bring yourself to that level, you know, noticing or paying attention and then maintaining that kind of concentration and absorption. It puts you so powerfully in touch with things and then you have to do something about it. And you might have to change your life, you see. Otherwise you, you know, you don't. You can... So that's another part of the thing of quality of absorption and it can change your life. The more that we absorb in your work, in what you're doing moment after moment, the relationship with somebody, talking with somebody. Okay. Okay, well then the next thing is, I want to bring up is the...

[39:32]

Okay. It's probably enough on that for the week. The next thing I want to bring up is the five hindrances. These are the factors that hinder our... get in the way, hinder our capacity to be absorbed. Our capacity to feel this, to harmonize with things, to be one with things, to be one with ourself. The first one is called desire, a sensual desire. And we kind of referred to this last night when you said, not wishing for more color and brightness. You start wishing for more color and brightness, having a desire for more color and brightness, then how can you be absorbed when you're still playing in brightness? Okay. So, desire has that kind of quality of mind going out somewhere else, looking somewhere else for something that would be more, you know, more resembling the object of desire.

[40:39]

And so then this is... then we don't focus, serve ourself in the activity pan. The second is the quality of anger or ill will, hatred. And again, if you're busy being angry at something, about something, it's very difficult to concentrate. So... The third thing is called sloth and torpor. Also known as laziness. Perhaps I could do this tomorrow. This is different than the monk saying, what other time is there? This is... there must be some other time to do this. And this is a quality also of like, well, it's just going to take too much energy.

[41:46]

I don't have that much energy. And so on. It's... So it's a kind of... It's kind of the third quality rather than grasping quality or aversion quality, the quality of... The other kind of thing that could be, it takes too much energy or it just, hey, who cares, it doesn't make any difference. You know, it's like it's not worth it. It's not worth it or that sort of quality. It's associated with that, things not being worth it. And so on. The fourth quality is a kind of the excitement worry. So if you're kind of working on something and you go, boy, I'll play this, it'll turn out really great. And then, you know, I'm going to do it like this and then I can do that and then it's going to be really wonderful. And I hope it really works. And boy, I can't wait to see the faces. Well, if you're busy doing that, are you concentrating much on what you're doing? No. You're anticipating, you know, and projecting into the future.

[42:50]

And then there's worry. Suppose it doesn't come out. Suppose it doesn't work. I don't think I can ever get this done. I'm awfully concerned and worried about this. And so then... Some of you sound kind of familiar with that one. All right. So those are the five, known as the five hindrances. And that's the hinder of absorption, hinder concentration, hinder our being, our capacity to absorb ourselves and our activity. And you might, if you think about it even just a little bit, you probably will notice that, you know, the remedy that we're most likely to do it to adopt for when we notice one of these hindrances is, generally speaking, we adopt another hindrance to deal with the first one. So if you get all, you know, sort of worried this is never going to turn out, then you might say, what are you talking about?

[43:52]

Of course this is going to work. And then when you get, or if you get sort of upset or angry about something, then you can say, then you can get angry at yourself about that. What are you getting angry about? And then you can have, you know, sloths interpret and say, this is really depressing, I'm not getting anything done. I'm just getting angry. And then you can have doubt, this whole project is completely stupid, and so on, you know. And then you can get sort of some excitement in there. No, well, then there's something to get excited about, and I'm going to do it because it'll be really exciting and interesting and fun, and people will love it. And then, you know, and then it's all very tiring again. And then, well, you know, maybe I could go off and do such and such. I think that would be really, you know, I think that would be, you know. So, we can go from one to the next, you see. And each one is kind of the remedy for the preceding one. So, if you think about it, you see, it's kind of, we have this kind of, you have to kind of stay with something for a while, and you have to, in some way, come up with some way to deal with hindrances

[44:59]

that is not yet another hindrance and yet another distraction, yet something else that's getting in the way of our searching. So, you know, the most simple and basic thing is just to go back to what you were doing at some point and say, OK, I got the message, and now I just go back to what I was doing, back to washing the pods, back to cleaning the spinach, back to jogging, back to my breath and meditation, and so on. This is the most, sort of, simplest level of dealing with the hindrance. At some point, you know, the quality then of no longer arousing another hindrance to deal with the previous one. Then you just say, alright, alright, start over. Sometimes people describe Buddhism as to begin and continue. But Suzuki Rishi described it probably more like to begin and then begin again. And then he called it beginner's mind.

[46:00]

So, this is the quality of just begin, and then start over again, and then start over again, and start over again. And at some point, it becomes more your, you get a little more used to and accustomed to starting over again. And letting go of, you know, that whole sort of little sequence and chain of reacting to the previous moment. And then attempting to adopt some means of dealing with the previous moment, which is gone anyway, right? Previous moment is gone anyway, but you still want to, you know, get angry about getting angry, and then get depressed about having gotten angry, and then, you know, get excited to arouse yourself, and then, you know, still want to deal with the previous moment even though it's gone. You still want to remedy it, you see. So it's not, at some point, it's not really necessary to remedy the previous moment. Just go back, come back to the activity. And then there's classically each one of those five factors of absorption are also anecdotes for the five hindrances.

[47:03]

And I'm not sure exactly, but for instance, you know, where Satha interpreted the anecdote is applying the mind to the object. That was what I was just saying, right? Applying the mind to the object. And then more specifically, doubt is remedied by the sustained effort of applying the mind to the object, continuing to, so you're staying with the word. Anger is remedied with happiness. Desire is remedied with joy. And I think that worry and excitement is remedied with concentration. I think that's the way it works. I may not quite have all this right. But classically, each one of those is considered an anecdote for one of the hindrances. What I found, in addition to that, is to, I kind of, I think, you know, I have a sort of idiosyncratic way of figuring stuff out. So I'm always trying to find out, well, what to do. And for instance, when I got really angry, it took me a while to be willing to be angry.

[48:07]

And I finally decided, well, you know, I can't just go on having nothing to do with this. You know, and the anger comes up and they say, well, I'm not going to have anything to do with you. And that's something I was talking about earlier. Do you notice that kind of thing happen? Anyway, I noticed, I used to notice this kind of thing, like, I'm not going to have anything to do with you. And then the anger keeps coming up, you know, and I keep saying, well, I don't have anything to do with you. And then, you know, it's kind of like, there's these two. And partly the anger is there because I'm saying I'm not going to have anything to do with you. And so what I want to bring up is how much the feelings that we have, sometimes the emotions that we have, are only the result of the way that we're setting out in the first place. So if I'm particularly kind of being very much in control of things and do everything in just a certain way and so forth, then if it doesn't happen like that, then anger comes up. Boom. See? And so, what does that mean, you know?

[49:09]

And then I found that, I noticed, for instance, that anger is also just a tremendous amount of energy, a certain intensity. And I found that if I worked, that I could actually put the anger to work. You know, the anger was something that could work with some intensity. Anyway, if you take any one of the hindrances and you're willing to study it, say, what's it about? How does it arise? How does it come up? What was I doing? How am I doing things? Am I doing things in a way that is bound to the age of this coming up? Another simple example of it is, I noticed I, for years, was very serious about meditation. I'd go to the meditation hall and I'd go, this is really serious. This is Zen. This is, you know, very important. I'm going to try real hard. I'm going to really concentrate. Now, does that sound like much fun? I wouldn't surprise you under such circumstances that one would have certain fantasies of going up somewhere

[50:11]

where it was kind of, you know, a little more relaxing. You see? So, I mean, it was years before I realized that, well, I could relax and enjoy myself while I was sitting. You see? And as soon as you decide that you can relax and enjoy yourself while you're sitting, boy, you know, there's a whole lot of fantasies that aren't going to start to keep coming up. A whole lot of desires don't, you know, because you're already enjoying yourself. You don't have to imagine being someplace else with another object. So this, again, is a part of the hindrances, and which I was mentioning earlier about absorption in general, that we think it's particular objects that we need in order to have, in order to have, be relaxed or have fun or enjoy ourselves. Oh, well, I couldn't do that while I'm working. I couldn't do that while I was doing meditation. I couldn't do that, you know. So, partly this is a kind of reconceptualizing what we're doing. And there's no reason when you're cooking or sitting in meditation or walking

[51:15]

that you can't bring all these things, you know, and energies to what you're doing. And all your interests, you know, and the happiness, some ease, some relaxing quality, some joy, and you bring it all to the activity, right? And when you do this and you work at doing this, something happens. And there's a kind of transformation that takes place in your life, in our lives. Even if it's only just for a few moments, but what starts out as being a kind of treachery can be, you know, a very rewarding, sustaining, nourishing activity. And then when we find this Black Dragon Jewel right there in the mundane activity. So, I thought I'd share with you a poem by Anna Akhmatova, which reminds me of this quality. Anna Akhmatova was a Russian poet, died a few years ago.

[52:22]

A land not mine, still forever memorable. The waters of its ocean chill and fresh. The sand on the bottom whiter than chalk. Late sun lays bare the rosy limbs of the pine trees. Sunset on the ethereal waves. I can't tell if the day is ending, or the world, or if the secret of secrets is inside me again. So, that's the kind of quality in, you know, absorption. Another poem that I like a lot, where again the absorption kind of comes in at the end, the little transformation kind of comes in at the end. It's a Rilke poem. You see, I want a lot.

[53:31]

Perhaps I want everything. The darkness of every infinite fall. The shivering blaze of each step up. There are those who live on and want nothing. And are raised to the rank of prince by the slippery ease of their television throttle. And are raised to the rank of prince by the slippery ease of their light judgments. But what you love to see are faces that do work and feel thirst. Most of all, you love those who need you like a crowbar or a hoe. It is not too late, and you are not too old, to dive into the increasing depths of your life, where it calmly gives out its secret. Very similar kind of thing. Again, it's that quality of, there's something to absorption which has that kind of power to reveal a secret.

[54:34]

And Buddhism says the same thing. The concentration to be concentrated is to see. Concentration is what is the precursor or the necessity for insight. Concentration brings insight. So I think those two poems have that kind of feeling going on. I think that's about all I had to say. I forgot to mention just a little, what do you call it? A while back I was writing an article for the Yogi Journal about food. And I was thinking about nourishment. And I got to thinking about Imelda Marcos and 300 pairs of shoes. And how can you be nourished by 300 pairs of shoes? If one pair of shoes doesn't nourish you, how can 300? And if you can't be nourished by a single pair of shoes, and you say, this pair of shoes, and then you're like, I love it. And then you go, and then you step into them,

[55:39]

you walk in them, it's great. But 300 pairs of shoes, you're obviously not getting much nourishment from any particular pair. Or probably from any of them. And this is a particular, again, our culture, I decided, you see, that affluence is a kind of perverted form of malnourishment. It looks like affluence, but actually it's malnourishment in disguise. And then a lot of the fact of our relying on prepared foods and so on, again, it sort of seems like it's expedient and so on, but then we miss the nurturing quality. And the quality of the aspect of, the practice of cooking itself, the actual cooking itself, is also nourishing. It's not just that the food is nourishing, but the activity itself is nourishing, and the activity itself, when you dive into it, into the depths, the activity itself gives you the secret. You feel the secret of secrets is inside me again.

[56:41]

So this is, I think, the power of whether it's cooking or whatever it is, that when we really put ourselves into it, and serve ourselves in the activity, it has that kind of power to transform, and to give us insight. Hmm? Oh, it's really late. Catherine's not here tonight to tell us to go home. But I guess it's time to stop. Thank you very much. It was a pleasure talking to you. Once again, I'd like to remind you this is a quiet area outside. Thank you.

[57:17]

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