We take a lot of things for granted, and oftentimes we think we know about one thing or another. This morning, to start with, I'd like to ask you to take a look and see if you can, if you would, at what's what. You know, we think we, for example, we think we know what mind is, and we think we know what a body is, and we think we know what a nose is, right here, right?

[01:02]

Get a twist for you, Zen Master, perhaps your body knows, twist, then you say, ouch. Yes, it's right there, isn't it? But what is it? It's right there. And where is it? Right there. And if you begin to follow your breath, inhale and exhale. And what is inhalation, and what is exhalation? Now, see if you can, see if you would, see if you can, touch it very closely and intimately, your breath, as it flows.

[02:08]

And already, you know, to say that, we use language as though there was someone or a mind that could touch the breath that way. And well, you sit. What is it that you sit on? And see if when you follow your breath, can you find your breath in your nose, in your

[03:30]

cheeks, your lips, your jaw, your chin, your neck. How is it on your face when you breathe? And how is your face from inside, your face? What does it look like from inside? And who is it that's looking at the face from inside?

[04:37]

And where is this inside? You know, the only way we know about outside is because a mind is there. The only experience we have about outside is the inside, the inside mind. Is there such a thing then as inside mind or outside of mind? And when you notice your breath in your face, in your neck, what about your shoulders, your chest?

[05:57]

Can you forget about who you think you are? Can you let go of the body you thought you knew and realize the body that's breathing right now? Is it something special or not? Is it something enlightened or not? Is it something precious or not? So can you for a moment let go of past and future and realize the body and mind of the

[07:45]

present? What is this body and mind of the present? What do you call it? We call it by many names. It includes seeing and hearing. It includes tasting and touching. It includes thoughts and feelings, observations, emotions. And just right now, it's someone we haven't met before because it's just now, a body

[08:46]

and mind arising just now. It has never before existed. And when you watch closely, of course, you notice it disappears just as fast. When you come to this place, how is it for you? A teacher once asked his students, when the ancients got here, why didn't they consent

[10:12]

to stay here? No one said anything. And the teacher said, because they don't gain strength on the road. I find that story rather perplexing. But where is it you would stay once you got here? What is it that continues from moment to moment that you could connect with or keep? Body, is it the same body? Mind, is it the same mind? Breath, is it the same breath? Is it the same chest, shoulders, stomach? Is it the same feeling? Is it the same thought? It's very curious, you know, that in the face of this, and we can all observe this,

[11:22]

how much everything changes. How hard we try to keep the same body and mind, moment after moment. In the face of this, it's pretty hard to do, so it doesn't work very well. And with everything changing, how is it possible to have some composure or calmness, some peace in one's life? Some ease or rest? Satisfaction? Fulfillment? What do you suppose the answer is?

[12:25]

Is there an answer? So you know, Buddhism teaches that if you want suffering, just try to be happy. Moment after moment. And just try, moment after moment, to get what you want. But you must know how hard this is, and how frustrating. You know, we don't have that kind of power. And Buddhism doesn't teach developing. Buddhism doesn't teach us to develop that kind of power, where we can. We can see just beautiful things that we want to see, and not see the ugly things.

[13:32]

And we can just have the feelings that we want to have, and not the other ones. When I was at Tassajara this summer, a man, I was talking with some... We just had meditation instruction, and we had an enjoyable time. I said, you know, I said meditation is not to have some special experience, but to become intimate and close, to make yourself at home with who you are, right now. Later on, we were drinking tea, and he said, Do you have any hints or suggestions about how to capture a moment? You know, like, when there's a good moment that comes along, and it's really wonderful, is there some way to capture it and keep it? I said, are you, excuse me, but are you being serious?

[14:39]

He was being serious. I said, my hint is not ever to try to do that. It can't be done. And there are many Zen stories, of course, about that very point. There's that one about the monk who studied with Tozan, and he tried 96 times to answer the koan, and on the 97th time, Tozan said, Very good, why didn't you say so sooner? And there was a young monk who thought he would find out the answer to the koan that this older monk had given. So he began to wait on the older monk, and he made tea for him, and he washed his robes for him, and cleaned his little hut. He did this for two years. Then one day, finally, he became impatient.

[15:48]

He said to the older monk, I have been waiting on you now, and taking care of you, and helping you for two years, and you've never said anything about the answer to that koan. And now I want you to tell me. And I want you to tell me in the worst way, and if you don't tell me, I'm going to kill you. And the old monk said, Even if I told you, where would you keep it? Maybe that was the answer to the koan. We don't know. Anyway, the young monk accepted that. Or you could say, even if I told you, what would you do with it? And there's another, you know, the story about Bodhidharma. When the emperor asked him, Well, what is the highest meaning of the holy truth? And Bodhidharma said, Emptiness, nothing holy.

[16:49]

That wasn't... Is that a good answer, do you think? Does that tell you anything? I thought not. That doesn't really tell you anything, does it? But the commentator says, you know, Setting aside the highest meaning of the holy truth, what would you do with them if you had them? This seems to be more to the point. Whether you have the truth or not, what would you do? What are you going to do? What do you do? And how would you know whether you had the truth when you had it? How can you ever tell for sure what's what? And yet we have to do something. You know, we have to act on something. And all the time we act on something.

[17:53]

Buddhism teaches us simply to try to observe as clearly as we can the way things are and act on that. Instead of acting on our less than full observation and thinking we know exactly what's what. What kind of person are you? What kind of person am I? Do you know? And if it's an angry person, how do you treat an angry person? If it's a shy person, how do you treat a shy person? Do you decide what kind of a person it is and then, you know, everybody knows how you treat an angry person and here's how you do it. And then you do it.

[18:57]

You know just what to do in that situation? It's not very obvious or clear what to do. Ever. So, we say, you know, be present. Be aware. Try to be awake. Open your heart. Act as fully as you can. It's a sincere act. Be the entirety of your whole being with as much wholeheartedness as you can. Later on, Bodhidharma's disciple,

[20:09]

the second patriarch of Zen in China, showed up. Bodhidharma had been sitting and meditating for years. Hui Ko came to talk to Bodhidharma. He said, he thought, you know I've studied Confucianism and Confucian classics and literature and Buddhist sutras for years. I still feel some doubt. I have some unsettled feeling. So he went to, he'd heard of Bodhidharma and he sought him out. Bodhidharma wouldn't pay any attention to him. The second patriarch, it seems, became desperate. This is another bizarre story, I'm afraid. And it doesn't exactly give you some good example to follow. He cut off his arm.

[21:12]

And he gave it to Bodhidharma. He said, pay attention. I'm standing here talking to you. He didn't say that. But he cut off his arm, you know, and he gave it to Bodhidharma. Bodhidharma said, oh. It's you, is it? What do you want? Bodhidharma agreed to talk with him at that point. Do you suppose that's a true story? Yeah, right. He only had to give an arm, not an arm and a leg. And he got the dharma out of it. He said to Bodhidharma, you know, I've studied for years. Seeking the truth. But I still feel unsettled in my mind.

[22:15]

My mind is still not at rest. Please help me. Help me settle my mind. Bodhidharma said, bring me your mind. Waco was at a loss. He didn't know what to do. He said, finally. Now that I look for it, I can't find it. Bodhidharma said, there. I've settled it for you. When you look for your mind, what is it you find? If you find sound, taste, touch, feelings, thoughts, is that your mind?

[23:21]

Does mind have any characteristic that you can put your finger on? Yellow? Red? Sweet? Sour? Angry? Sad? Is that mind? So we say, yes, it is. Mind is yellow, red, green, blue. Mind is angry, sad. Mind is thinking. But we also say, just as true, mind isn't any of those things. And a mind that is functioning in health, you know, observes all those things, experiences all those things, doesn't it? That's very natural, isn't it? For mind to have various experiences.

[24:27]

So-called have. Possess. Own. And we wonder over and over again, well, what shall I do now about my mind? How can I make my mind more to my liking? How can I do that? Shall I try to... Shall I try to get people to smile at me? Will that help my mind? Shall I try to get them to go to bed with me? Shall I have a drink? How about drugs? What would it take, you know, to help your mind settle down, be at home?

[25:37]

In Buddhism, so Buddhism teaches, this is what is called suffering, if you try to do this. This is suffering inherently. If you try to control phenomena. If you try to control your body, your mind, your experience, and just have the will to do it, not the ones you like and not the ones you don't like, it's inherently suffering because it's impossible to do that. So you'll always be frustrated. Sometimes it works, you know, you can get what you want. But then, what about the next moment? What will you do with it now that you have it? Even if you had it, what would you do? Would you at last be at peace? Would you, no. Then you look for something else to chase after. This is why it's suffering. Because it just fundamentally doesn't work, even though sometimes you can be successful. Most of the time, you don't have what you want.

[26:51]

So, Buddhism teaches, just to be at home. Where you are, make yourself at home where you are. Find your calmness with all this phenomena. Find your composure right there. You know, many centuries after Bodhidharma, a monk named Denzo went to his teacher. And he said to his teacher, How is a good student? How is it that a good student should use his mind? And the teacher said,

[28:02]

Bring me your mind. Sound familiar? But Denzo didn't know what to do. The teacher hit him and said, What mind is it you want to use? What mind is it you want to use? In fact, the monk had a small realization, so to speak. I don't know, maybe it was a big one. But anyway, after that, he put away his traveling staff. And he stayed at that temple for 19 years. Without leaving. And after 19 years, he wrote a verse. Took him a while. He said,

[29:08]

He worked on this for a long time, you see. And he said, Thousands of miles I traveled in search of a teacher until I came to Tomikawa. Without any way to use the mind, at last I meditate in peace. Without any way to use the mind, at last I meditate in peace. I don't know how many cushions I've worn out staying here for 19 years at a single stretch. Okay. Another teacher said,

[30:17]

For 30 years, For 30 years, I've struggled in vain. Trying to sweep away the dust. Sweeping away the dust is instead just creating more dust. Raising my head, it meets my eyes, unobscured. Myriad phenomena, each one especially new. So this is just the opposite, in a way, of when we ask,

[31:54]

Well, what should I do? When I get angry, what should I do? When I feel afraid, what should I do? When I'm sad, what should I do? This is someone saying, Why would you want to do anything? What about just being willing to be right there? Right here. What about giving up that mistaken idea that you could have the power to control phenomena to your liking? Did you see in the paper last week that the 14-year-old girl who was in the alcoholic and cocaine recovery program?

[32:58]

And she said she'd been an addict for two years. She'd been on drugs and alcohol for two years, and she'd just got into this program. She'd been in it for a month or something. She said, Well, you know, the important thing, really the important thing is to feel all right, that it's all right to have problems. I thought it was very profound. She'd spent a long time thinking that it wasn't okay to have problems. And she could overlook them and not be too concerned with them through drugs and alcohol. So what about being willing to have problems? What about being willing to be right here? And the curious thing, of course, is that this is, to do this, to be, to feel, to experience, to see, to hear, just to be who you are, tremendously healing.

[34:22]

And there's tremendous calmness there, and tremendous joy, which is not dependent on phenomena. So, for instance, there's a poem by Rumi. He said, The guest is inside you and inside me. The sprout lies hidden within the seed. None of us has gotten very far. Set aside your arrogance, then, and take a look around inside. The blue sky extends further and further. The damage I have done to myself fades away. The daily sense of failure comes to an end.

[35:25]

A million suns come forward with light when I sit firmly in that place. Now, I don't want to give you the idea that your meditation should always be like that. But it's possible that sometimes it will be, even when it seems most disturbing. You might find the capacity to observe it, that capacity to be calm with things as they arise. So, I appreciate your effort to do this kind of practice.

[37:18]

To touch the depth of being that we all share. And I encourage you to continue feeling your way along, carefully, in the midst of a world where we don't know what's what. And where it's not possible to control things to our own liking. Thank you very much. Thank you.

[38:25]

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