Good evening, guten Abend. All day, I haven't been thinking about it. But as soon as I walk in here for lecture, my teachers come to mind. And I feel sad that they're no longer here. And I feel very grateful to them.

[01:05]

Because in some ways, you know, they gave me my life. And when I sit here and start to do all this with my robes, I remember, you know, watching And when I sit here and start to do all this with my robes, I remember, you know, watching Before lecture, fixing their robes.

[02:13]

Before lecture, fixing their robes. And sitting and leaning from side to side. And sitting and leaning from side to side. It's easy, I think. You know, we often think that, you know, Zen life is about having some better understanding. It's easy, I think. You know, we often think that, you know, Zen life is about having some better understanding.

[03:18]

But Zen is about meeting warm heart to warm heart. But Zen is about meeting warm heart to warm heart. And Zen is about meeting face to face. And Zen is about meeting face to face. So I've appreciated meeting you this week, face to face. So I've appreciated meeting you this week, face to face. And I feel that now we share, you know, something about Zen.

[04:42]

And I feel that now we share, you know, something about Zen. About being awake in your own life. About being awake in your own life. And each of you. And you are each inside of me. And in this way I can be, you know, your friend.

[05:58]

And in this way I can be, you know, your friend. It's in this way that... It's in this way that Suzuki Roshi said to me, I will always be with you.

[07:16]

It's very important. I'm not different than your unaware presence. I'm not different than your unaware presence.

[08:22]

I'm not different than your unaware presence. And when I'm with you in this way, you'll be able to touch and be with whatever is happening in your life. And when I'm with you in this way, you'll be able to touch and be with whatever is happening in your life.

[09:24]

And I will support you and stand by you. The way that my teachers have stayed with me. The way that my teachers have stayed with me.

[10:59]

And in this way, of course, Zen has... A whole lineage of teachers. A whole lineage of teachers. You know, the people who were Suzuki Roshi's teachers and their teachers. And not exactly, you know, historically, but metaphorically, Zen traces itself in this way back to Shakyamuni Buddha. And so it's always enough for Suzuki Roshi and his teachers to give you an insight. And so it's always enough for Suzuki Roshi and his teachers to give you an insight.

[12:29]

And so it's always enough for Suzuki Roshi and his teachers to give you an insight. There's a line in a Zen poem. The mind of the great sage of India The mind of the great sage of India has been intimately communicated, transmitted from east to west. has been intimately communicated, transmitted from east to west. To the bird that is agreeing with me.

[13:40]

To the bird that is agreeing with me. To the bird that is agreeing with me. The mind of the great sage of India has been intimately transmitted from east to west. The mind of the great sage of India has been intimately transmitted from east to west. Now, you have it. Now, you have it.

[14:45]

Keep it well. Keep it well. You know, this kind of poem is similar to the idea that first you have enlightenment, then you practice. You know, this kind of poem is similar to the idea that first you have enlightenment, then you practice. What would you do with it if you had it? What would you do with it if you had it?

[16:36]

What would you do with it if you had it? What would you do with it if you had it? Probably some of you know Kopan Chino. Probably some of you know Kopan Chino. Like honorary founders here of Purik. Like honorary founders here of Purik.

[17:43]

He's one of, you know, banyas, teachers in banyas. He's one of, you know, banyas, teachers in banyas. Let's see. He mentions Kopan Chino when he gave a lecture at Tassara. He mentions Kopan Chino when he gave a lecture at Tassara. Would be quiet for long periods of time.

[18:51]

We were all very tired. We were all very tired. So it was hard to know when you hadn't heard anything for a while. So it was hard to know when you hadn't heard anything for a while. Maybe you'd just fallen asleep. Maybe you'd just fallen asleep. Later, people said, you know, Kopan Chino, when he was giving the lectures, was falling asleep. When Kopan first came to the Zen Center, He smoked cigarettes.

[19:55]

He smoked cigarettes. And there was a big dinner the first night he was at the Zen Center. And there was a big dinner the first night he was at the Zen Center. And after dinner, he was sitting next to a man named Silas Hoadley. And after dinner, he was sitting next to a man named Silas Hoadley. And Silas was the president of the Zen Center, and after dinner he asked him. And Silas was the president of the Zen Center, and after dinner he asked him. People, you know, many people smoke in those days, you know. I just thought it was a good idea, you know, to give you a tip on that as well. Wow. Suzuki Roshi said one of the things he said was that cocaine does not have the effect of smoking.

[21:03]

He quit. So he quit for a while. Wow. Wow. And in those days sometimes I was smoking and then sometimes I would quit. And one time I had quit and I was feeling kind of depressed. So I went and knocked on the door of Kobinchino's cabin.

[22:06]

And he came to the door. I said, Kobin, I'm feeling kind of depressed. He said, oh, would you like a cigarette? You know, this is traditionally the way that Zen is practiced, you know, is being in close proximity. Body, you know, to body, you know, practicing together over some time. So we have this week a little taste of this.

[23:19]

And the Japanese, my Japanese teachers, you know, Japanese people generally very, you know, kind of different than Westerners in a way. But it's similar to what happens in the, you know, monastery. It's similar to what happens in a monastery. You know, people watch out for one another. Sometimes they're rather awkward at it. Awkward? Awkward.

[24:39]

Why? Oh. Well, anyway, I told you, I think, a little bit about, no, not all of you, but some of you, one of Suzuki Roshi's students, he sent Philip Wilson to Japan to study Zen at the Ehe Monastery. Philip Wilson. He sent him to Japan to study Zen at the Ehe Monastery. It was before, you know, we started Tesshihara. It was before Tesshihara. And, you know, one night, they all sleep, you know, in the zendo. Zendo.

[25:44]

And they have cabinets for their things, sort of like here, you know, there's a cabinet here. And one night, Phil was crying. And the monk next to him put his arm around him. He gave him an arm, you know. At Zen Center, when I was sick, Mrs. Suzuki would make chawanmushi for me. Oh, at Zen Center, when I can't work, Mrs. Roshi? Yeah, Mrs. Suzuki. Suzuki Roshi's wife. Suzuki Roshi's wife. Chawanmushi. Chawanmushi is a kind of egg custard with soy sauce.

[26:50]

They make it for sick, like we might make chicken soup. And then, if she saw me, you know, in the hall at Zen Center looking unhappy, she'd say, Ed, you look unhappy. Would you like some tea? And then, when Mrs. Suzuki was in the hall at Zen Center, she would invite you to her room. And make tea and talk. And then she'd say, oh, you like pickles, don't you? And, you know, Japanese have, it's not the western pickles, you know, there's pickled daikon,

[28:01]

and, you know, pickled, pink pickled garlic, and yellow pickled daikons, and there are all kinds of different flavors, you know. Mixed pickle, mixed pickle, yellow pickled daikon. And sometimes, after he'd had pickles, she'd say, Ed-san, would you like some toast? How about, how about a glass of wine? How about a glass of wine? So, one year, we had a sashimi at Tazara. One year, we had a sashimi at Tazara.

[29:05]

So, they had, there were at least two sashimi a year, but that was in the fall. I couldn't sit still. I had involuntary movements. You know, I could make a whole corner of the room shake. And, some of the other students used to say, you just do that to get attention. I'm sorry, but if you have any other way to get attention, you would not be doing, I mean,

[30:21]

this is not something you do to get attention. I'm sorry. Every so often, I would calm down and relax, and then I'd fall asleep. And in those days, you know, we used to hit each other with big sticks. And in those days, I think there's one here, near the back of the altar. So, in those days, we used to hit each other with big sticks. You kind of pray the person has good aim, and will, you know, whop you right on the muscle here,

[31:41]

and will not hit your shoulder blade, will not, you know, will not get your ear, will not hit you across the neck. I know about all these things, because, you know, all the possibilities. So, you stand up, someone comes and touches you with the stick, and then you have to put your head to the side. And, ah, he's naked. And then you can't, the other person can't hit your neck, can't hit your ear, can't hit your shoulder blade, but you have to hit this arm muscle here, across the back of the neck. So, then after you are hit on one side, you can hit on the other side, on each shoulder. We're the gentle school now.

[32:42]

Once on each shoulder. This is the gentle school. And how strong? Well, you know, as strong as somebody can. Oh! You hope that they, you hope that they have, you know, the technique, like I've been trying to show you on the bell, and like Rainier has been showing us in Qigong, you know, like, you know, you hope that they don't just go, bam! And, you know, try to force the stick down further after it's landed. You hope that they kind of go, bam! You know, like, whap! You know, they'll just, you know, like, so I try to explain on the bell, you know, you hit the bell and, you know, you don't go, bong! And you don't go, ding! You know, you, ding! You know, so, this is when you try to hit somebody, you go, whap! Whap! Whap!

[33:43]

So you hope the person has some skill, but... Yeah, some do, some don't. But where's the gentle school? You know, just an aside here, you know, the serious, the people who are serious about this, you know, that's called the Rinzai school. They sit facing the middle of the room, and, you know, if you have a thought across your face, they don't even need to be asleep. Then, they come, you know, bow, and then you lean over, and then I think you have to take off your okisa, and they don't even have the okisa. And then they hit you four times across your whole back,

[34:44]

not just your shoulder, but down your whole back. And four times on each side. So, you're kind of a different person after that. I've never had this done to me, you know, I'm sorry, I'm not... I'm sorry I interrupted you. Um, yeah, and... You don't even have to fall asleep. I don't know what happens when you fall asleep. If you just have a thought that the master doesn't get. It's enough with the eyes. And if the eyes don't move, or you're standing in the room, he's probably going to hit you. Then, yeah, you have to lean forward, and you have to keep your eyes open,

[35:44]

and you can't see your shoulder. And I had this in the... Anyway, to come back to my story... When I was hit, then, you know, I was like, oh, I need to wake up, oh, I need to... I can't... Better stay awake. So then, I'd start shaking again. And then I would run out of energy, fall asleep, and get hit. And then I'd start shaking again. And then I'd run out of energy, fall asleep, and get hit. So, wake up and shake, fall asleep and get hit.

[36:52]

Perhaps you've had some experience like that, like this, during this week. Not anything so dramatic. You've had similar experiences, right? No, more dramatic. During this week. Where do you want to get out of bed? On the third day, I put my knees up, I put my head down on my knees and I put my arms around my knees. At the beginning of the period. On the third day, after the evening, I put my arms around my knees and I put my head down.

[38:21]

And, almost immediately, Cochinchina was there. Less than a minute. Less than a minute. And he said, Ed, come outside. And then, I was sitting in the last seat. There was a little divider and then there was the door, so I didn't have far to go. For a while, I was shaking so much, they had me sitting outside of the Zendo. So, I actually made it back in, at this point, to the last seat.

[39:34]

So, I actually made it back in, at this point, to the last seat. And, in that moment... There was a threshold. And, Cochinchina said, We're going to go back to your cabin. I said, I can't see. He said, hold my hand. I said, hold my hand.

[40:41]

So, without being able to see, he took me back to my room. And he had me lie down on the bed. And, I was sobbing. And he said, Ed, don't worry. It's completely okay. And then he started rubbing me. A pretty long kind of rubbing.

[41:47]

Not, anyway, a long kind of rubbing. And, not only was I sobbing, but then my arms and legs were flapping on the bed. No, uncontrollably. And, Cochinchina stayed there, in my room, for that period of meditation. And, then there's bells for the recitation.

[43:05]

And, Cochinchina said, I need to go to the service. Just stay here and rest. And, then I went back to my room. And, then I went back to my room.

[44:26]

And, then I went back to my room. And, it was easier to sit after that. And, we each have, um, you know, um, we have our own paths.

[45:32]

We, um, come into this world with, um, various gifts. Uh, we have, um, certain issues we're going to have to work on. I don't know if have to isn't the right word, but, you know, there's some, we will have, uh, you know, some life lessons that if we choose to, we can work on. And, then, um, [...] um

[46:56]

And, you know, zen practice is one way to, well, first of all, you know, zen practice, for some people, will be their life path. I feel that, um, you know, for me Zen practice is a life path. As far as I can tell, I was born to be here.

[48:05]

And to go with you when you leave here. Um, but of course, you know, not everybody who practices Zen, it's not necessarily your life path, but it can orient you in your life. Um, but of course, you know, not everybody who practices Zen, it's not necessarily your life path, but it can orient you in your life. So it's often something for people in a kind of, um, transition phase in their life.

[49:58]

So it's often something for people in a kind of, um, transition phase in their life. I don't know what time it is, I'm probably talked enough here. Uh, let's see. Yeah. Yeah, this is a whole other subject. Um, what I want to say is just that, um, you know, there's no, um, I guess the way to say this, excuse me, I'm going around and about for words here. Uh, Suzuki Roshi said, when you are you, Zen is Zen. Uh, Suzuki Roshi said, when you are you, Zen is Zen.

[51:09]

Um, sometimes people think, oh, I need to become somebody else. Somebody who's better than me. Somebody who's whatever, you know, more concentrated, calmer, peaceful, quieter, better skills with communication, whatever, you know. And it may be true, you know, but where is it coming from? Has that been mentioned? You know, when it's, we're studying, you know, Zen so we know what's in our heart, what we're really longing for, and not to have some mental thing talk us into something. So, uh, for instance, one Zen expression is don't put another head over your head.

[52:32]

That's the head that starts telling you, you know, the life you shouldn't be living. If you were a good person, it would look like such and such, and your life just doesn't look like that right now, does it? So, uh. Suzuki Roshi also said, some of you are trying to be good Zen students. Why don't you be yourself? I would get to know you better then. So this is what I mean when I say that I feel as though my Zen teachers have given me my life.

[53:47]

My Zen teachers have given me my life, not a Zen life, or, you know. My Zen teacher has given me my life, and not a different one. So again, um, your life is the path. There was a Tibetan teacher who said, you Americans are interested in getting somewhere. Why don't you start where you are? You know, like if you're at the shopping center, it says, you are here.

[55:03]

This week, you've all found out where you are. Where you are is the place to start. You know so well now where you are. This is what happens in Tzu Ching, we know so well. When you know where you are, then, you know where you are. Something will occur to you to do. Well, I have so much more to tell you about, but that's it.

[56:17]

Thank you very much, presence. Oh, excuse me for talking so long. No, keep on. Thank you for sharing your story. You're welcome. Thank you.

[57:52]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[58:58]

Thank you. Thank you. This is our last kin hin. Inhale. Step. Exhale. Shift your weight, slowly. Feel the weight coming into your forward foot. Feel your forward foot becoming solid on the floor.

[60:30]

Feel your back foot becoming lighter and lighter, until it swings forward. And slowly shift your weight. The more energy you send down your leg, the more energy comes up through your body, growing tall inside. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Inhale.

[61:34]

Exhale. Exhale. Inhale. [...] Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Oh Oh

[63:02]

Oh Oh Oh

[64:32]

Oh Oh Oh

[66:02]

Oh [...]

[67:30]

especially careful, tender-hearted attention to the end of the exhalation. When you give careful attention to the end of the exhalation, often there will be a pause in your breath, where your body is completely still. The out-breath has come, has faded away, the in-breath hasn't yet started.

[69:36]

The out-breath has come, has faded away, the in-breath hasn't yet started. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation.

[70:59]

So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation.

[72:00]

So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation.

[73:29]

So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation.

[74:59]

So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation.

[76:26]

So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation.

[77:56]

So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation.

[79:26]

So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So I encourage you to study carefully the end of the exhalation. So as we've been doing, I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with.

[80:47]

I've already mentioned tonight in my talk about my Zen teachers. I'd like to mention them again to send my prayers and blessings and our prayers and blessings. So I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with.

[82:01]

I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with.

[83:30]

I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with.

[85:00]

I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with.

[86:29]

I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with. I'd like to invite you to offer any names that you wish to share prayers and blessings with.

[87:47]

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