To taste the truth of the Tathagata's words Good evening, large, assembly Wow, what are you all doing here? It's kind of the next thing on the schedule I guess Recently I was invited to Redwood High School in Larkspur, California. I was

[01:08]

invited to meet with the meditation club. Originally I was invited to meditation club and then when other teachers heard I was coming they said I was asked would I be willing to actually give a talk and meditation in the little theater for about five or six classes and I said sure so about 200 kids showed up. I hadn't been back to a high school in more than 30 years. I think high school is a very you know painful place. I don't know how it was for you but I told them I had a hard time. When I went to high school we wore black pants and the guys had to, we

[02:12]

took them home and made the leg, pant legs narrower you know, they're called pegged, you know, and then white socks, white shirts and the school didn't say that was the uniform but so I still didn't fit in. Eventually you know I wore black and white I got here and it still worked. I think I ended up at Zen Center because I couldn't do high school very well and I didn't fit in there and I couldn't be a hippie very well. I didn't do very well at taking drugs and so you know this is the end of the road. So I told the kids, the high school kids, vast

[03:14]

assembly. You know for any of us it's really hard to be you yourself, to you know have some authenticity in your life or integrity, not to be performing, posturing, getting accepted, being approved, getting it right, fitting in. You know how are you going to be you? It's going to be a challenge I told them. Not so many people are able to actually do that and our society of course doesn't encourage you particularly. So here of course we try to encourage one another for this some authenticity or integrity or actually being present in our life, engaged, you know with some vitality and energy and interest in what we're doing.

[04:21]

Whether it seems like it's important or not how can we be, can we be engaged in our life and how do we find some fulfillment and satisfaction and joy being a human being on this earth in this day and age. Anyway I talked with them for a while and then we got around to the part about meditation. This and they're all sitting in their theater chairs you know. There's kind of places. So mostly in meditation I'd like to encourage people

[05:28]

to, I like the saying of the Zen master Nunchuan who said put yourself in the time before Buddha appeared in the world. Very few people he said get my meaning. Anyway I kind of take it to be very simply that before Buddha appeared in the world who's going to tell you how to do it. So why don't you go ahead find out for yourself. Dogen says joyfully seeking the way is primary. You know whether you study a lot or how fast you progress, progress it's secondary. Why don't you joyfully seek the way, see what you can find out, see what you can discover. Suzuki Roshi said before you ask me about something if you have some problem why don't you see if you can figure it out. Why don't you study for yourself because if you listen to what I tell you then you'll think you have the answer and you'll try to do that and you'll narrow it down your capacity to experience your life to just trying to do what I told you and then

[06:30]

you'll stick to it because that was the instruction. So why don't you go ahead figure it out, find your way. So mostly I'd like to do that but here was this group of people like in various places and so I thought I would suggest like if you're interested folks, if any of you might be interested you might want to try just like being right in the middle of your life. Not forward, you know not not back, not slumping, not off to the right, you know not off to the left, you know not tilting your head, not kind of you know looking out of the sides of your eyes and when you're right in the middle this is in a sense to be ready for anything or if you're right in the middle now you can move in any direction if you're already off to the right your movements are limited you can't move

[07:32]

much further to the right you know so this place in the middle is where you can go in any direction you're ready. You're not already tilted some way where you're limiting yourself. So I said so if you want you can try this out and the room kind of you know they kind of came up to here and then they said I don't think so. There was about 10 seconds where they went through the shift they got to here and then whoa and I think we forget how powerful it is just to be right here but you can see how hard it was and what a challenge it was for a group of high school kids right away because they went right back to well and you know these various places and they weren't gonna it's a little scary to

[08:41]

just show up and like be seen you kind of I mean actually all those kids are being seen all the time like I can see they're doing this and I can see that they're kind of hiding and I can see that they're kind of off-center and I can see that they actually sort of like think that they're hiding I can see all that they're not actually hiding but they must think so because to be right here would have you know somehow they were more present so you know I must be able to see them better and it's real hard in high school to be seen it's actually hard any place you go someplace is not quite as hard because it feels a little more kind of safety and acceptance that you could just be here and people would see you and they wouldn't go like what are you doing here

[09:42]

why are you looking at me like that and they wouldn't you wouldn't get necessarily challenged right away but the kids in high school are used to apparently being you know told not to show up that's actually kind of challenge you know for parents when your kids are little you know to have your kids actually show up many of you are parents so you would know but kids have a tremendous amount of energy and then they show up and then it's like oh my god there's this other person I have to deal with why don't they just do what I tell them oh my gosh they have a mind of their own oh so as a parent you kind of try to turn down the volume a little bit sometimes so most of us learned how to turn ourselves down a bit so that it would be a little easier on our parents okay I won't show up quite like in your face the way I was one way or another we learned to kind of adjust ourselves and kind of like not be quite as you know

[10:45]

present quite as occupied quite as expressive and there's actually a couple things that happen you know as soon as you as soon as any of us are going to like be in the middle of our life you know not to the left or right and not forward or back you know there's going to be some problem there'll be some challenge to that it's not so easy to like just be here we figure we better be you know doing something or show you know producing something accomplishing something we'd better at least look good while we're doing it anyway and then the other thing of course that will happen

[11:46]

is we'll start out we're going to be here and then of course after a while we're maybe not as far off as the high school kids but you know we're a little off someplace or and then as far as I can tell this goes on endlessly I've been meditating for more than 30 years and I'm you know I just started studying my hands in the last couple years I've told you about this a couple years ago I look for my hands in meditation I didn't have any my awareness just went down to my wrist that's a nice way to cut yourself off so you know the posture of Zazen includes the hands so I've been studying now for about two years finally getting around to like how my hands are so now I actually have some awareness in my hands actually have hands that's pretty nice anyway you'll find yourself some other place you'll find yourself you know

[12:53]

slumping or leaning or tilting or your head going or you go to sleep or you know you'll go various places various places in your posture or various kinds of you know ages or times or you'll you know they'll be your childhood or your parents or your relationship or your emotions or various things will take you away from right here but it's interesting you know not so much that you know the idea of meditation isn't just to stay here but because we start out here then we start noticing all the other places that we go oh isn't that interesting because otherwise you just go to all the other places and you don't realize you're there but now you have this I now we have this form of right in the middle and it helps us become more aware of all the places that we are other than there so the idea of having a form isn't just to like accomplish or attain the form but to notice where it is you are and actually be conscious of where you are does that make sense usually people think the idea of the form

[14:01]

is you get you just stay there and then if you go off you get back there and then so this way is a little you know stiff and you're actually not then so aware of all the other places because you're trying to get back to the right place or what you've heard is the right place and then one of the other things that happens as soon as you as soon as you actually are going to show up anyplace you know if you haven't been here for a while right in the middle or if you do yoga and you suddenly are you know like stretching your arm out even and this place is you know getting stretched whereas it's used to here or if your elbows are coming up from your sides where they're used to you're used to having your elbows by your sides as soon as you do anything where you stretch or where you move and it can even just in

[15:02]

working but it's a little more intentional in yoga say because you're actually stretching well as soon as you show up in some place where you haven't been for a while it's like it's like going to the attic that hasn't been cleaned you know you haven't been there for a while it's dusty there's some dirt or like if you turn on the pipes that haven't been on for a while and when the water first comes out it's rusty so sometimes we don't always realize that what we're going through is like it's just cleaning the pipes you're gonna we know we're gonna have to put up with some rust when we open up and come into some new area or you know vacated previously vacated part of our awareness there's going to be some debris and a kind of cleanup and then there'll be a smoother flow so today we're starting our Zen yoga workshop so I was at the yoga class this morning and then after the yoga class I'm going whoa because

[16:03]

it's just debris you know that's what happens to me if I stretch a little bit I'm a very contained person you know and so I start to stretch and then I end up places that I don't visit very much right now for me it's the orphanage age four to seven no three to seven I don't just consciously go there it's not a nice memory you know but as soon as I stretch in yoga then there I am and then but after a while I actually have more vitality and energy and fluidity of movement and some of that debris is kind of cleared away zazen is a very subtle form of yoga you know just showing up here in the middle of your life turning on the pipes seeing what washes through have you noticed that it's not like necessarily pleasant anyway but sometimes we think oh why

[17:11]

isn't it pleasant what's wrong with my practice there's nothing wrong with your practice it's just the way it works our life gets you know more fluid and flowing and energized because we open ourself up and the rust comes out and then now the water runs and things are more flowing and fluid and energized so I want to tell you a little bit about Suzuki Roshi's teaching from one of his lectures that I've been studying he says you know you might you might think that if you didn't have any problem you could really do good practice but this isn't so he says you need some problem is necessary without some problem you can't really practice it doesn't have to be a big problem but some problem is necessary and then you can actually practice meditation and he says for this

[18:13]

reason you know practice and realization or enlightenment are one and he says many Zen masters miss this point they tried to perfect their practice and attain perfect practice but every you know each moment of reality is imperfect whatever moment of experience you have is imperfect so to sit right in the middle of this imperfection you know you will have some sense of perfect it when you you you will think that after you attain enlightenment then you

[19:22]

can have true practice and he says again this is a mistake this is not true after you attain enlightenment you will have true practice before you attain enlightenment you should establish your practice true practice and true practice based on delusion based on frustration based on your difficulty based on being with your difficulty based on having you know being with your problem this is how you will establish your true practice before enlightenment enlightenment he said is strictly speaking beyond our experience beyond our conception so already enlightenment is here in your practice in delusion in the practice is something you do with awareness with effort something you do

[20:33]

with effort something you know you do with your commitment your intention to be right here in the middle of your life and there's enlightenment so he said wherever you are enlightenment is there and when you sit up or stand up right in the middle of your life that's enlightenment this is very similar you know to Zen mind beginners mind just to take this posture just to come right be right in the middle of your life is enlightenment and you know in some sense that also means to be right in the middle you know whether you're literally right here but if you're off or if you're here if you're exactly right here and you're aware that you're right here this is the same thing but as I say usually when we get off someplace we have no idea where we are we forget after my talk at the Redwood High School one of the students said my mind was

[21:35]

racing this way and that I said yeah it's good you know usually when your mind is racing this way and that you'll be racing right along with it and you have no idea your mind is racing this way and that because you're going this way and that too and the reason you can know your mind is going this way and that is because you're sitting still you're still and you're you can see now from your position of stillness you can see your mind racing this way in that so the power of meditation or you know Zazen is not you know not attaining something that we have in mind or producing some experience that we think is the one we could have or should have you know emptying the mind or no thinking or some blissful state the power of meditation is noticing exactly where we are and being able to see things as they are being with you know

[22:38]

able to be with and show up for what's difficult you know being able we don't abandon ourself when we have a problem we don't abandon somebody else when they have a problem we can be right there and we don't necessarily have to fix everything then but we stay present right in the middle we can show up this is also called love or compassion it's something nice sitting here quietly with you when I'm talking I

[24:35]

don't notice how nice it is I'm trying to you know John promised me he'd give me the signal when the time is up I just checked my watch I think I have a few more minutes anyway I wanted to say a little bit about I've been I think I talked about this the last time I was here but again this posture I think is a really nice one the posture for the hands your left hand on top of your right hand and your thumb tips touching and it turns out it seems to me you know mostly to go the energetics of this go primarily to the chest and since I started focusing on this you know my chest has started I've had a tendency to collapse here a little bit

[25:39]

we collapse here for various reasons partly to because we think it will be protect the heart a little bit but it you know the way you protect the heart is to close the heart so so much for protection I mean it's also then deadening and if you want to open your heart you know you take the chance of being heartbroken and then you know you're gonna anyway this since I started actually concentrating in my hands and for years you know because my either you know if you go to do this posture with your hands and again this is an example of form and we're just you know we're studying form in various ways and zazen and yoga and various things but so for years the rest of my posture doing this if I'm doing with my chest if I'm kind of taking my chest in my lungs and pushing it down in my heart and kind of collapsing a little bit here then what do you think happens then my hands do this hey they go they do that too no so

[26:49]

I've been studying you know holding my hands like this and then after a while you know then my chest does this same thing so the energetics of your hand in this posture very much go to you know the chest and if it's hard to hold the hands like this you know sometimes people say this is very hard to hold the hands like this well something will have to give you know either your hands be like this and then you let your chest open or you keep your chest closed and let your hands do something else you can't I mean that's the way it works right so we're studying like how to let the form of something you know penetrate and actually you know open this up these are ancient practices and there's actually many subtle points you know whether it's the hands or the elbows or the chest or the head so we're studying how to have the posture the forms you

[27:50]

know actually be useful in our life without you know if you just take the form and then say I'm going to grip my hands and make them really hard and keep them right here it won't be quite the point of you know letting the energy from you know doing this you know move through you and letting things shift inside of you anyway we're studying how to let the forms work on us and whether it's yoga or sasan you know we let the form undo us or shift us or changes open us you know move us so you can't when you do a practice like zazen or yoga you can't hold on to yourself you can't keep yourself as you've known yourself and most of we'd like to have our life changed completely but actually go on being who we've always thought ourself to be and then it turns out it doesn't work like that darn you know you're gonna have to be somebody else if your

[28:51]

life is gonna be different and you know actually as soon as you shift you will be someone else and then other people will see you as someone else you will see people other people differently the world would be a different world as soon as anything shifts in your life thank goodness huh some real possibility for change so I'm not saying any you know big secret but anyway I wanted to offer this you know to encourage you to show up right in the middle of your life whether the middle is here or somewhere else where you are where you actually are aware of being there because it's you know you don't need to just rush back to trying to be perfect you can be where you are and be right in the center there too you can embody yourself wherever you are

[29:53]

you can stand up and be in the center of your life wherever that is you establish your practice on delusion you establish your practice in your mistakes and your frustration you establish your practice right where you are you can't wait for enlightenment you know another way in Zen this is said is setting aside whatever enlightenment means or what it'll do for you what would you do with it if you had it well let's go ahead what's you know we're gonna what difference will it make all I'm enlightened so now I can open my mouth and talk or what will you what would you do differently why not have some confidence in your life and going forward in your mistakes and see what happens I know it's embarrassing sometimes but then it can't be helped because no matter how hard you try to be perfect you know if my one of my classic examples is when I was the cook here I was trying to please everybody

[30:56]

well if the oatmeal is thick then the people come in and say it's too thick you have to chew it and then if it's thin another group of people come in it's too thin you can't you know you just swallow it you need we need some hearty something hearty or something we can chew and then if you put raisins in it another group of people come in and say you're poisoning us that was the macrobiotics the Zen macrobiotics and they knew what was right and what was wrong what was good and what was bad so it was just impossible what will you do how will you make everybody happy what can you ever do that you know will work for everybody and please everybody and you know so what's the answer you know somehow just right in the middle of your life and we go forward you know go on and you know that's also my favorite one of my favorite Zen expressions that's that's it that's obviously the signal to end the talk one of my favorite expressions you know Zen Master Yakusan awkward in a hundred ways

[31:57]

clumsy in a thousand still I go on I mean what else is there all right that's it that's it I hope you're not listening to anything I said tonight and taking it all seriously well anyway thank you all very much for being here I'm a very much appreciated your company tonight it's wonderful to be in the company of you know the room is it's very sweet you know your attention and your awareness and your receptivity it feels like you know what I was saying you know joyful

[32:59]

joyfully wayseeking mind you know I feel it right here so I appreciate being in a room like this with all of you and this wonderful spirit of your wayseeking mind so thank you appreciate it intention equally

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