So I was going to talk a bit about compassion or loving-kindness. There are somewhat different terms in Buddhism, and I'm not... I'd have to go back and study up a little bit on the more precise difference between them, so... And I'm kind of running them together. But did you try the meditation? Inhaling, letting your chest fill with compassion, or pointing up your head? How was that? The part where you talked about letting it come down a little earlier... Uh-huh. Yeah. I could feel that. Yeah. And, you know... Uh-huh. Yeah. Letting it come down. Yeah. Good. Mine turned in... And we kind of got... Turned into two...

[01:03]

Maybe a thousand points of light that we haven't had. Oh, no. But that's the way it came out. Nice forms are of light. Well, I've worked with that meditation for a couple of years. I think it's quite a good meditation. And there's various... There's various kinds of... Well, there's variations of that meditation, which I can describe to you. I think about it as a loving-kindness meditation, a very simple, direct kind of... And as I said, non-verbal loving-kindness meditation, which you'll understand as I talk more about the more traditional kind of verbal loving-kindness meditations, which are maybe more analogous in some sense to prayer.

[02:03]

Sometimes people think about Buddhism as being philosophical, or, you know, last week we talked about wisdom and we talked about concentration, and so at some point people say, well, where is, you know, love or kindness or whatever in Buddhism? And I think in some sense it's there. There's aspects of that in each of the things we've talked about. But if you just, in a very simple way, if you... You know, one of the basic kinds of ideas in meditation is just to observe what is and not be trying to make it one way or another. So in terms of mindfulness, the Buddha said, if your breath is short, then, you know, observe a short breath.

[03:13]

If your breath is long, you observe a long breath. You're mindful that the breath is long, mindful that the breath is short, mindful that when you're lying down, that you're lying down. When you're sitting, that you're sitting, and so on. And this is actually a very kind of, you know, in a certain sense can be seen as a practice of kindness or generosity or compassion. You know, because you, at the time at which one is practicing like that, you're not then imposing, you know, some outside idea onto your own being, onto your breath, or onto your body, you know, telling it to be some way other than it is. So it's very kind just to be with your body as it is, in that sense. And when you practice like that, at that time, there'll be times when a kind of joy or gratitude will arise spontaneously,

[04:23]

which is just the joy of finding, you know, there's not somebody, whether it's you or mom or dad or your boss or somebody, there's not somebody there who's bossing you around anymore, right? There's not somebody telling you anymore, be this, do that. And it's such a relief, it can be such a relief, and then very naturally a kind of joy or gratitude will arise. But anyway, just that basic practice of Buddhism can be seen as a kindness, to be mindful of things as they are, without trying to make them other than they are. And then what we were just doing is a different, you know,

[05:30]

and maybe, you know, I'm thinking, or in my own thinking, at least the next level of a kind of loving-kindness practice of inhaling, letting your chest fill with compassion, exhaling, pouring it over your head. And just in some very simple way, you know, compassion is rather a large word. I'm not, I don't think of myself as being very good at what is it to let your chest fill with compassion. So I have to use something else like letting my chest fill with warmth or a kind of a joy or light, or I was, you know, at another level, just a kind of softening. Compassion is a kind of softening rather than hardening. It's because that softening then is then very analogous to then

[06:32]

just touching things as they are. So as you inhale, letting your chest soften, and as you exhale, you pour it over your head, and you let your head soften. You let literally, in some sense, almost literally, you let your mind or you let your mind soften so that in a certain sense, then you're receiving, tending more to receive experience rather than being the creator of experience or the shaper of experience, just receiving and experiencing, letting it flow. So that I see as a kind of next kind of level. As I was mentioning, there's other very similar meditations to this.

[07:39]

One is there's a tradition of Vipassana meditation where there's a practice known as sweeping. And in the practice of sweeping, it's not coordinated precisely in the same way with your inhale and exhale, but you make a practice of taking your awareness through your body, starting at the top of your head, and then bringing your awareness down very carefully and going through your body. And there's a little slight difference. If you just bring your awareness through, you'll notice some change, and you can also bring your awareness through and soften. And just bringing your awareness through, there'll be a kind of soften or there'll be a kind of response to the fact that your awareness is there. So that's a rather similar practice,

[08:44]

just this practice of bringing your awareness through your body, and you go all the way down to the floor, and then you start over again. And in that kind of practice, you also then, you're not... You know, somebody asked one of the Vipassana teachers who teaches this kind of meditation, well, isn't that just as much a habit as what you were doing anyway, as what you would do if you weren't doing that, would be some kind of a habit or your natural tendency. But the answer for that was that... But when you do this, you're actually very carefully and consciously going through each part of your body. You're not leaving anything out. Whereas normally our awareness would tend to come to one part of our body rather than another part of our body. In that sense, maybe there's some similarity in that sense

[09:49]

with some yoga practices of having your awareness be throughout the pose, throughout your body. And again, when we do that, then there's a certain power to that because we're not... Normally our awareness tends in a certain direction, so we're developing awareness so there's not... And in that sense, reincorporating the dark places, bringing light to the dark places or reuniting the dark places with the light places, bringing everything into the light. So again, there's a certain... You know, that can be seen as a kind of kindness also to bring your awareness to a place which is not usually... where there's not usually any awareness. .

[10:59]

And there's other kind of traditions in Buddhism and other Hindu traditions too. In Buddhism you can visualize a Buddha or Bodhisattva, Kuan Yin, like the statue, or anyway, some image of Kuan Yin above your head, and then you can have, you know, a light coming down from the Bodhisattva into your head and then down through your body. So that again is very similar to inhaling that in your chest full of compassion and pouring it over your head. But sometimes, you know, it's easier to have, since it may not feel like I have that kind of warmth or compassion in me, it may be easier in terms of, you know, to receive it from your visualization, right? And if you can feel or visualize Bodhisattva, then you can receive light or warmth or release from the Bodhisattva.

[12:18]

And a simpler version of that is just to have a large globe over your head, which radiates light and warmth into the top of your head. And very, you know, that's less, again, and that's simpler than some people like me. I'm not particularly good at visualizing figures, but I can imagine or visualize a large globe and receive the light or warmth or joy from that. And it can be very, you know, and you try to keep it, you know, modest and simple and not be too, how do you say, ambitious or idealistic about the possibilities.

[13:22]

But something receiving some energy or sustenance in that way. Something very simple and sweet, pure. And just let it come down into your being as you, and if you want, you can do that as you inhale and exhale. It seems especially effective on the exhale. And interestingly enough, when you do this, although your energy is going down and you're, although you're receiving, in a certain sense, some warmth or light or release, softening, it's coming down through your body, same time your body's lifting up to receive it. Anyway, that's my experience. So all of these are kind of, in my way of looking at it at least,

[14:30]

in a certain sense of kindness, loving kindness meditations. There are now more traditional kinds of kind of formulas or, I guess you could say formulas or forms for doing loving kindness meditations. And for the most part, or oftentimes they start with a very simple wish for one's own happiness, because the understanding is that if you want to wish others happiness, that you yourself are happy. And sometimes it's easier for us to wish others happiness, but we don't, we kind of forget ourself, and we think sometimes, I'm not especially worthy of being happy.

[15:33]

I don't deserve to be happy, but I want others to be happy. And sometimes we work very hard, in a certain sense, for others to be happy, and we kind of forget about being happy ourself. So this form is very simple. You can sit, and you don't need to do it all the time, but perhaps at the beginning of the sitting or after a few minutes, you make a simple kind of a wish where, very simply speaking, may I be happy. All beings want to be happy. May I be happy. Just as others wish to be happy, I wish to be happy. Just as others, just as all beings wish not to suffer, I wish not to suffer.

[16:39]

May I be free from suffering. May I be peaceful. May I be content. May I be happy. And then, whether it's at the same time or over some period of time, then you can bring to mind the image of a friend or loved one, and extend this same kind of feeling towards that person. May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May you be free from suffering. May you grow in wisdom and compassion. May you attain complete liberation.

[17:53]

And, you know, in the same way you can, as you wish this for yourself. Generally speaking, it's, you know, it's considered then that you start with yourself, and then someone you find to be your friend or loved one, and then you take someone who's perhaps neutral and wish, may you be happy. May you find some relief from your suffering. May you enjoy health and ease of well-being. May you grow in wisdom and compassion. And in this way you let your heart go out to another being. And then you can extend it to someone who is, you might think of ordinarily as your enemy,

[19:04]

and wish them well. May you be happy. May you find peace and joy in your life. May you be relieved of suffering. May you grow in wisdom and compassion. And then you can also take, you know, this room, and the people in the room you're in, and wish, may you be happy. May you have joy in your life, peace and harmony. May you have ease of well-being.

[20:09]

May you grow in wisdom and compassion. May you attain complete liberation. And you can wish for, you know, everyone, or, you know, the president, or, all the beings in the world, and you can wish for trees, or plants, or animals. May you be happy. And this kind of wish, then, is, in some sense, then, you know, in the background,

[21:13]

of your practice, of one's practice all the time. It is, in some sense, then, you know, in the background of your practice, it may be useful to renew this wish at times, or to, in that sense, come back to it, or renew it, revitalize it. Because we don't just sit for ourself, or our own understanding, or, or to have some kind of, you know, power or accomplishment. And we have to remember in some, you know, very simple way, we want to, each one of us, all beings want to be happy. May I be happy, may all beings be happy. You know, may we find some way to live in peace and harmony.

[22:18]

And it doesn't mean, obviously, that we'll, you know, be able to act this way all the time, that we won't lose our patience, or lose our temper. But, again, we can come back to this kind of wish, or, in a certain sense, this kind of vow, or in another way of looking at it, just what is our deep intention, or best wish. So this is one way that Buddhism has described our best wish, or deep wish. This kind of loving kindness. And a kind of gratitude. And warmth that is in our being.

[23:36]

Thank you. Thank you. So, again, it's quite easy.

[24:46]

You know, we're all pretty familiar with how easy it is to get caught up in conflict in our own life, or emotions, or accomplishments, or attainments, responsibilities. Sometimes the responsibility is that, you know, to be responsible for others. We do it because we take on the responsibility out of some genuine love and appreciation, and yet, at the same time, it can be so burdensome that we forget we do it for that reason. So, anyway, one way or another, it seems useful and appropriate to remind oneself of this kind of basic intention.

[25:52]

And if it's useful for you to use this particular kind of language then, now and again, or to use it for a whole period of meditation, or when you first wake up, or when you're going to bed, or whenever you want to use it, then you can use this kind of language, or you can make up your own kind of wish for your own life and the lives of those that you share your life with. This kind of practice is not always so simple, you know.

[26:58]

If it's somebody you're in conflict with, it's not so simple to awaken these kind of feelings of loving-kindness, or may you be happy, and yet, if we're able to do it, it can be powerfully healing, at least for us, if not for the other person. I heard a story when I was at a retreat a while back. A Tibetan teacher had come to their retreat the year before, and it turned out that in Tibet he had been a guerrilla fighter when the Chinese invaded Tibet. And he had killed many Chinese and fought against them, and then finally he was captured and imprisoned for some time and tortured.

[28:05]

And when this happened, he made a decision never to hate the Chinese or the person who was torturing him. So this is the kind of extreme kind of case, you know, of taking on this kind of practice in a difficult circumstance. And the people who met him said he was a very unusual person in this way, and had a very powerful kind of presence, and he said this is the one thing that saved him. In that sense, you know, it's not something that we're making up. It's acknowledging something that's in our being, that there is a level of our being where we don't hate, and where we do wish our happiness for ourselves, for our friends, for our enemies,

[29:19]

and well-being for everyone. There's a level in our being that wishes that. Everyone wants that very deeply. So this kind of practice isn't, you know, if we're sitting in this room, it may be simple enough for us to wish this, but this is obviously a very challenging practice, and a kind of endless practice to take up. And also then, as in that example, a practice that has tremendous power to transform one's life. So that's about all I have to say tonight, unless you have something else you want to talk about.

[30:46]

And this is my Thanksgiving wish for you. Bon voyage. I'm going to miss the Thanksgiving. You won't fly in for them? No. But I'll miss you. Yeah. It's been very precious. Totally. Turning on this machine. Thank you.

[32:00]

I guess what's on my mind this week, we've kind of finished up a series of talks. Two weeks ago I finished my series on the five cardinal virtues. We talked about wisdom as the fifth. And we had talked about faith, intention, energy, mindfulness, concentration, wisdom. And last week, although there were only a few people here, Thanksgiving, partly in honor of Thanksgiving, we talked about the general subject of loving-kindness. And we did some loving-kindness meditation, more or less. So since most of you weren't here last week, I thought I would take a few minutes and review that, or kind of give you the synopsis, the quick version.

[33:02]

There's one or two simple ways to do a kind of a loving-kindness meditation, which is a more non-verbal kind of loving-kindness. And the simplest one I know is kind of a meditation taught by Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen teacher. And the Vietnamese, I think, probably practice loving-kindness meditation The Vietnamese, he's also a Zen teacher, but most of the Zen that I studied was Japanese. And the Japanese don't seem to have any particular emphasis on loving-kindness at all. I mean, except for indirectly, but not kind of specifically. Or I can't recall exactly something like that. So... And I think the Vietnamese generally are, you know, a little kind of... they actually practice that more than the Japanese do.

[34:08]

The Japanese are practicing, you know, being industrious and energetic, and, you know, other kinds of things. And the Vietnamese that... certainly a number of Vietnamese that I've met, they seem to be... actually practice that more. There was one Vietnamese man in particular I met when... at a conference in Amsterdam that Thich Nhat Hanh was doing. And he just had the most beatific smile I've ever seen. And I don't know if he got it naturally or if he's been practicing something like this, but... Of course, Thich Nhat Hanh has a practice of just to practice smiling. Or, as he puts it sometimes, to practice a half-smile. Since we're not really interested in the television kind of a smile, but... it's a very simple way then to practice a kind of loving-kindness. And you can do it in your car or in the grocery store or...

[35:12]

on any occasion. It's not something you have to be doing meditation to do. Or in a particular posture. And to practice a half-smile or slight smile, you know, just a little bit in your cheeks. And there have been studies, of course, that show that this will affect your whole physiology. You know, the little muscles in your face changing just a little bit. The practice of smiling, though, is not... You know, it's not intended to be like you meet some people who are constantly smiling. And you kind of wonder, like, what are they hiding? Or what are they so happy about? Or something like that. And they make you kind of suspicious. Or they don't seem to be that sincere, finally. And this kind of practice of smiling is not intended to be...

[36:14]

Do you mind that on? I mean, should we have that on a little bit? Can you hear me still? Should I talk? If I need to talk louder at some point, you know, let me know. That means the temperature's gone down to 67, so, you know. So this practice of smiling, a slight smile, is not intended to be a cover for... or a kind of presentation to the world, you know, that masks your actual feelings. And so the kind of question that people mostly bring up to Thich Nhat Hanh about this practice is, you know, they have some trouble with it like this. We had the same trouble years ago at Tassajara. One of our teachers did suggest that we always had a practice at Tassajara, which is maybe related to loving-kindness, now that I think about it.

[37:14]

But we had a practice that when we passed anybody at Tassajara, we would bow. So you acknowledge everybody you meet. You pass them, you bow, and, you know, you bow to each other. And it's a way to acknowledge the... however you want to put it, but the... that which is valuable in someone, in each of us, which you could... in Buddhism we sometimes call Buddha-nature or Buddha-mind. So we're honoring the Buddha or the virtue or integrity of a human being. And one of our teachers at one point said, when you bow to somebody like that, you should smile. And people had, you know, were very... many people were quite upset with this and besieged the teacher with questions, you know. Suppose we don't... suppose I don't feel like smiling.

[38:16]

You know, it's enough to, you know, kind of bow. And you might be mad at somebody, you know, when you meet, but you're supposed to bow anyway, right? It doesn't matter how you feel or what you're thinking when you meet somebody, you bow, just as a, you know, as a practice. It gets said, of course, that you get so accustomed to doing this and if you've done this for like three months at a time and then you come into town, you go to the grocery store and you get to the checkout counter and you... you get through the line... you find yourself starting to bow to people that, you know, aren't really accustomed to this practice. But, you know, the... so part of this is a kind of practice in letting go or detaching, detachment, enough detachment from your feeling that you can smile. But Thich Nhat Hanh, when he talks about this, then he explains that, you know,

[39:20]

you're not trying to suppress or repress or cover some other feeling, but we're practicing kind of a slight smile, a kind of warm regard for our experience towards ourself, towards other people, which is, you know, something that we can cultivate, in that sense. Our warmth or kindness or warm regard for ourself, for our own effort, for our own being and for others is not something that... it's just going to happen when everything is okay and my life works, right? When is that going to be? You know, if you wait for everything to be all right and to be working before you smile, you won't smile very often. So, that's the idea. This is not that you're covering up something or, you know, repressing something, but to begin to have a warm regard for whatever it is.

[40:22]

Just as a practical way of relating. So, one of the... I'm sort of leading up still to some other practices, but now I'm getting off in another direction too. Anyway, so one of the basic kind of loving kindness expressions that you can have is to... you actually can say, may I be happy. It's a way to actually... isn't that, you know, each of us have that kind of wish to be happy. And Buddhism says, you know, just as all beings wish to be happy, may I be happy. And just as all beings don't want to suffer, may I not suffer. So, we can give ourselves that kind of... acknowledge that kind of intention or wish and then the practice of smiling is a kind of...

[41:24]

a very simple kind of way to express that or cultivate that in which if it helps to use the language, you can use some language. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be free from suffering. May I enjoy ease of well-being. And may I grow in wisdom and compassion. But anyway, another kind of, in a sense, then more wordless kind of practice to cultivate loving kindness is, again, what Thich Nhat Hanh taught is, as you inhale, let your chest fill with compassion. As you exhale, you pour it over your head. This is something that you... you know, I find it... I have to be more sitting on the whole doing meditation rather than driving a car in the grocery store. I don't seem to be able to do this. I can practice smiling at times under the various conditions

[42:27]

if I can remember. But... this is more, I find, you know, to do in meditation. And I can't, you know, really relate exactly to letting my chest fill with compassion. You know, what is that? So I pick something else, like letting my chest soften or letting there be, you know, letting my chest fill with warmth or letting my chest fill with light. Light, warmth, ease. You know, something like that. Letting there be some softening. Letting my chest open. So something like that. And then pouring it over your head. And it's actually... I don't know, I find it rather nice to receive this coming down on my head. This, whatever,

[43:28]

whether it's warmth or light or softening, releasing. And then you can bring your awareness down through your... each exhalation you bring your awareness down through your head and on down through your body so that you can spread this kind of, whether it's compassion or light or warmth, you can spread it through your body and through your being. And again, it's not something that, you know, you might have the feeling like, well, I don't get any compassion, I don't feel any compassion. But even at that time, then, you know, we can have some compassion for somebody who doesn't feel any compassion. You know, we can smile, have a slight smile for somebody who doesn't feel at all like smiling. We can regard that person with a slight smile, even a little bit. So it's what, you know,

[44:34]

other people sometimes, like Stephen Levine, relating to your anger or to your frustration or to your unhappiness instead of from it. Instead of identifying with anger or frustration or unhappiness and relating from it, we begin to relate to it. Does that make sense? So just some, even if it's very slight, something of a smile or a warm regard. Thank you. What's been on my mind lately is probably because my friend Patty has been teaching yoga to some people and one of them has developed, has started having migraine headaches

[45:35]

and various kinds of problems. Partly because, you know, he doesn't pay, he doesn't pay much attention to what she teaches. So, you know, she taught him very carefully how to do a shoulder stand with cushions where you have your shoulders on the cushion and then your head is down on the floor and that way you're not bending your neck as much, right? So he just goes out and does it on the lawn, you know, without any cushions. And then, you know, he gets migraine headaches and his neck hurts and stuff, right? But it was interesting because it reminded me of, of my time at Tassajara and how even with, you know, a supposedly great Zen teacher like Suzuki Roshi, we didn't pay any attention to him either. You know, it doesn't really matter

[46:35]

what the teacher says. We all, you know, we each of us get the idea of how, you know, what is the right kind of practice. And basically, you know, what we're looking for is somebody to tell us that the way I already am is a good way to be and go ahead and do that. And so, you know, but, you know, this Patti student just, this is the way he does everything. You know, he doesn't like anybody to tell him what to do and he likes to kind of charge ahead and do it his way. But now, you see, if you get Zen, you know, if that turns out to be Zen, now you can be, now it's a spiritual practice to be like that. Or like me, I'm a fairly contained person, so, and, you know, I actually kind of like not having to relate to people all the time, you know, so that's perfect for going to a monastery like Tassajar and having all this, you know,

[47:36]

rule that there's silence. It's perfect, right? So now the way I am is, you know, not just me being me, but it's Zen, right? So that's very convenient. And then I can, you know, you can call it spiritual practice. You know, even if Suzuki Roshi says, you know, at some point, or some other teacher says, you know, you should practice smiling. It's like, do I have to relate to somebody? Even like that, at that level, you know, practice smiling when you bow. So, so anyway, we didn't necessarily pay that much attention to Suzuki Roshi and, but the other part about this is that I don't think there's, this is the only way that we're ever going to learn anything. You know, when I was first practicing Zen, I came across that passage in Aldous Huxley where he says, organs of perception develop out of necessity. If it's not necessary

[48:39]

for you to change or grow or develop, you know, if you don't have problems in your life, if you don't have some pain, then there's, you know, you don't grow. There's no reason to grow. And it's only somehow, you know, we change when we're sort of pushed into changing and we develop when we have to develop. So you, you know, I think even just tonight probably some of you, you know, you had some difficulty sitting. And it's actually then, I think, important to understand how, you know, how, you know, not only unavoidable that is, but how much that is, in fact, the vehicle for your growth or development or your spiritual, you know, the kind of,

[49:41]

what is the spiritual path is that you take on and you're willing to take on some difficulty and have difficulty and by working with that difficulty, that's how we grow. And, so for me, I know, there were several points where it was kind of like, well, I'm either going to stop meditating because I don't want this problem or I'm going to continue to meditate and have this problem. And for many years, I couldn't sit still. I don't know. Most people seem to be able to sit still when they meditate and I've been actually in meditation groups where they don't always sit still and they do various things, but in Zen Center, it was always important to sit still. And I always tell, you know, my groups, please, if you want to move, you should move. But when I started at Zen Center, when it was

[50:41]

a week of meditation or a day of meditation, but over the years, it got to be more and more kind of strict and you really weren't supposed to move and I couldn't seem to help moving. You know, I had a lot of involuntary movements and it was very embarrassing. And you know, where you sit and then you kind of get these kind of energy movements and it doesn't seem like there's any way to relate to it or deal with it. And I would, you know, go and talk to a teacher and the teachers, you know, oftentimes, they because partly, I mean, partly they weren't so familiar with it, you know, I don't think, because somehow in Japan

[51:44]

they don't seem, this doesn't seem to happen. You know, in the Indian tradition or the Hindu tradition, maybe, there's certain traditions where that's what everybody does. Sort of maybe in the wrong group. Or something like if you weren't practicing meditation you wouldn't have this problem. But they were saying it like, you know, like, you should be thankful that you have a problem and you should be thankful for meditation for giving you this problem because by having this problem, you know, now you have something that you can, you know, really work with. You have something really to engage your being that then has the potential for changing your being and changing the basic way in which you, you know, we relate to our own life and to other people

[52:45]

and so on. So I, you know, I want to remind you how much this is the, in fact, the case. In the, in the Vipassana tradition they have a little saying that goes how come, how come self-knowledge is always bad news? Sort of a, the same way of saying this, you know. Somehow there's this, like there's this bad news, you know. And I didn't, and I didn't understand this. It took me years, you know, of practicing meditation to understand this. You know, even, you know, at least to the extent that I do and to appreciate it, you know, that there isn't some simple alternative where you just, you, you know,

[53:46]

you get to be compassionate because, you know, you get struck by this compassionate bolt of lightning or, you know, it's kind of like if you sit still enough or something, you know, the compassion bolt will strike you and then you can go and be compassionate now, you know. You get compassionate by, I mean, my idea is compassion, I've talked to you before about, you know, is having your head come apart, is having your head explode and you get undone. Basically we get compassionate, compassionate because, you know, we can't, you know, we can't cope and the only, the only thing we can do is to have a little compassion for ourselves and when we find out, you know, how, you know, what a, what a unaccomplished person I am, then we can begin to have compassion for other people who are unaccomplished. I always, because I was always the one who, you know, was accomplished and then, and then suddenly for years,

[54:48]

you know, I'm sitting there, you know, not able to sit still, you know, and I can't look at other people anymore and say, gee, what's wrong with them? They can't sit still, you know, like it was so easy to do something about it and now I've got something that's not very easy to do anything about and so, and other people are kind of looking at me and going like, what? He's just trying to get attention, isn't he? Why did the teachers let him get away with that stuff? You know, the only alternative finally is to have some compassion, you know, kind of, and a kind of warm regard for the fact that, you know, I'm making some effort, I'm making a sincere effort to sort out

[55:49]

my life, to settle my life, to, in some way, be engaged in a spiritual life and developing my capabilities and my capacities. There's a saying and, you know, so there's various sayings in Zen that also are something like this, the, I think it was the sixth patriarch who's supposed to have said that the hindrances are enlightenment or the passions are enlightenment. Somebody asked the Zen master, Zhao Zhou, to whom does Buddha give passion? And Zhao Zhou said, Buddha gives passion to everyone. And the monk said,

[56:49]

well, how do we get rid of it? And Zhao Zhou said, why do you, why would you want to get rid of it? You know, we get these ideas about what I'm supposed to have and what I'm not supposed to have and what I like and what I don't like and what I'm going to get rid of and what I'm going to keep. And then that sets up, you know, in our being a kind of, you know, antagonism towards ourselves at times. So it's important in some way to begin to recognize each phenomena as being, possibly being a teacher or being enlightenment. The passions are enlightenment. The hindrances are enlightenment. It doesn't, you know, it's not to say that acting out the passions are necessarily enlightenment. At some point, acting out passions

[57:49]

is a kind of attachment. But, this comes up, you know, at many different, many different times. I know for me it was when it came up for me around the subject of anger and it took me a long time to begin to relate to anger as though it too could be enlightenment. Because my first, my first impulse and my natural tendency was, I'm not going to have anything to do with this anger. And if you decide, once you decide, I'm not going to have anything to do with something. This is, you know, classic sort of thing in psychology that once you decide not to have anything to do with it, it becomes a monster. And it becomes even more monstrous

[58:50]

due to the fact that we're not relating to it and yet all this energy is kind of going into it. And it's much more monstrous when we don't, aren't even going to look at it. Because then we can imagine all of the monstrosities that it could be. Whereas if we look at it directly, we begin to sense that there's more to it than just our idea. And I thought I could get rid of anger just by not having anything to do with it. By being that willful and that clear. And I don't know, maybe some people can do that but I certainly couldn't. I don't, and I don't particularly recommend that way of going about things. And it finally occurred to me if I'm going to make any, you know, if I'm going to ever get through or work through anger or find out about anger, I'm going to have to study it. I'm going to have to

[59:51]

observe it carefully under various circumstances to see how it arises and what happens and what it is. Some, make that kind of careful observation and careful study. And by doing that I begin to find out, I would, I was convinced I would begin to find out how to relate to it. At some point, you know, it's very easy to when anger arises to have the response of being angry at anger. And then it's kind of like, well, who's more righteous now, you know? But I'm right

[60:52]

because, you know, anger is bad. So my anger is okay because, you know, and I'm not noticing that I'm, you know, I've got the same anger. And this happens all the time, you know, like this is my, in my letter to the resident, right? So Saddam Hussein invades Kuwait, so we're going to go invade them, right? But somehow we're right. You know, and it's much more, it's much more difficult in a certain sense. you know, and it's to actually do this work of studying, carefully studying, relating to something that will actually in that way break the kind of cycle of of my having anger and then getting angry at the anger and then the anger comes back at me and I get, you know, so how do we get out of that pattern? The kind of patterns that we get into, the only way that we can do it really finally is and

[61:53]

the only way we can do it with some kind of thoroughness and I don't know, accuracy is to do this kind of careful observation over some time. And in, when you do this practice over some time you will, you know, it's by doing it over some time that you, we actually will find out at various times that it's true, enlightenment, the passions are enlightenment, hindrances are enlightenment. The sixth patriarch also said, he taught, he said, I teach non-thinking, no thought,

[62:58]

no form, non-abiding. He said, and then he said, when I teach you not to think I don't mean to make your mind like a rock, but when I say not to think when you have a thought then think nothing of it. That's pretty good. It's a little aside from what we've been talking about but anyway, what the heck. All right. Okay.

[64:23]

You know, so a similar kind of, in terms of, a similar kind of Zen story is the, the, I forget which patriarch it was but you know, they have these kind of stories of one teacher meeting another when the student first meets the master. And so I think it was when the third patriarch first met the fourth patriarch and he said, uh, please tell me how to be liberated. And the patriarch said, well, who, who puts you in bondage? So the question is, you know, then what is, you know, what is our condition now? And is this, is this liberation or is it bondage? And if it's bondage, then who puts us in this bondage? And we tend to, a lot of the time, put ourself in that kind of bondage. Don't get angry. Don't do this. Don't do that. Behave nice. And we have all these kind of directions for ourself, you know, which is kind of like a

[65:26]

person, which is kind of very, it makes us very small. And then we have to be very careful how we behave, whether we say the right thing or the wrong thing. So pretty soon we can hardly say anything. This is what happens to me anyway, I don't know about you. So who put me in bondage? I mean, who put me in that kind of bondage? And it's equally true, you know, it's not going to be freedom for me to just act out whatever occurs to me, right? So where is liberation then? There's another story with Jojo where the monk said, tell me how to reach the summit of the mystic peak. And Jojo said, I won't. And the monk said, why not?

[66:28]

Aren't you a great Zen teacher? Can't you tell me how to reach the summit of the mystic peak? And Jojo said, if I told you how to reach the summit of the mystic peak, you'd think that you were on level ground now. So where, you know, which is the ground that we're on now? Is there really a summit of the mystic peak? Is there a summit of the mystic peak that you could reach that would be different than where we are now? Is this level ground? So in some sense what I'm talking about tonight is to say, you know, we could say also then that the hindrances or the problems or the difficulties in the suffering we have is, you know, if you think that there's some summit of the mystic peak where you wouldn't have

[67:34]

these kind of problems, where all these things would be over and done with, you know, then this is a kind of place that doesn't exist. And we spend a lot of time thinking we could get to this place that doesn't exist. And trying to get there by stopping our thinking and not feeling this and feeling that and following all the right rules, as though we could get to this place which doesn't exist, the summit of the mystic peak. So there's a poem, you know, I don't know the whole poem, but the beginning of the poem is that the summit of the mystic peak weeds grow in profusion. So, it's kind of like it is here, in case you hadn't noticed all those weeds with your careful observation tonight. I think probably most of you noticed a lot of weeds with your careful observation tonight. And that's what it's like at the summit of the mystic peak.

[68:37]

And it's as much then, in that sense, the careful observation or the practice of careful observation and perhaps some warmth, warm regard or loving kindness that makes it the summit of the mystic peak rather than the absence or abundance of weeds. Anyway, this is what I think and you can take it or leave it. You can take it or you can set it aside or toss it aside or whatever you want to do with it. And if it's useful in some way, then please take it. And if it's difficult or painful to relate to what I've been saying or doesn't seem particularly useful, then you can set it aside for the time being. All right. Thank you. It seems like it's not quite nine.

[69:50]

We don't have to go to nine. But in case, if you have anything that you'd like to bring up at this point, we can talk for a few more minutes if anybody would like. I just had one question that occurred to me when you were talking about this morning. When I try to meditate, I'm supposed to be very relaxed. And every time I start, I notice that I'm not, that there are many muscles that are tense. And it's always a pleasure to notice that and to relax them. When I smile, my muscles are not relaxed but tense. I notice that too. So my solution is to practice smiling some of the time and then just practice relaxing other times. When I do that meditation of letting some warmth or openness into my chest and then

[71:08]

point it over my head, I just let everything go then and I don't try to practice smiling. I tend to practice smiling more when I'm out walking or once in a while at the grocery store, in the checkout line. So I use them under different circumstances. I have a question about the summit of the Mystic Peak. I come from a Christian background. I'm 13. I believe in an afterlife. Does Zen believe in an afterlife?

[72:09]

Did you say this is about the summit of the Mystic Peak? Yeah, somehow I did. I equate that with, you know, the possibility of an afterlife. The Buddhism generally believes in a so-called afterlife or, you know, continuing lives, usually described as reincarnation. It's a little bit hard for me to understand that or relate to that because of questions like, if there's no self, then what is it that reincarnates? Because Buddhism also believes that there's no real self, that you could get your finger on or your hands on, say, no, this is the self. No, because the body's not exactly the self, right?

[73:11]

We can't exactly say that the self is the body. We can't exactly say the self is the mind. Because we say, well, I have thoughts. So then the thoughts aren't the self. The feelings aren't the self. They're supposedly somebody who's having all these things, but we can never identify what that somebody is. All we experience is where we experience thoughts, where we experience sensations, but we never experience the experiencer. Right? So Buddhism says, well, we can't find it. And then they say, but whatever it is that we can't find, it reincarnates. So I haven't quite, you know, been able to sort that one out, you know, for myself. Except to think about it in some kind of, you know, more vague, amorphous terms, like,

[74:20]

you know, it seems true that there's some, you know, that our, that there's a kind of, our life seems to have a kind of patterning, something to it. You know, or a kind of, all I can think, oh, you know, maybe patterning is a good word. And, you know, just as if there's a fire, the, when the wood burns, you know, nothing disappears exactly from the universe. Right? The wood disappears, but now there's heat. You know, there's flame and there's smoke and there's heat, which goes out in the world. Nothing disappeared. You know, but now we don't call it wood anymore. Now we call it heat and flame and smoke and, and then the heat, the flame and, the flame and smoke is gone, but the heat is kind of out there.

[75:21]

But then the heat kind of, you know, goes out into other things and now it's a bunch of us. You know, or it's, it's kind of, you know, touched various things. So it seems like in some sense, you know, in that sense it's, our life seems to have that kind of, you know, ongoing kind of quality. But then we don't, we can't exactly call that our life. At some point we don't call that, you know, my life. You know, but something is going on in the world, you know, that's our activity and that's our action and that's our being and it's going on in the world. So again, I don't know exactly what sense you could say, you know, that something continues. But, you know, the Tibetan Buddhists sure believe this. You know, like the Dalai Lama is now the 14th or 16th Dalai Lama. And he's, you know, he's said to have been, you know, died and then been reborn

[76:25]

and then they've discovered him. And he can pick out the, you know, the Dalai Lama's bell. They can put out six bells and he goes, here's my bell. You know, when he's three years old. And, you know, and they do it with other kids and they can't pick out the right stuff, you know. Yeah, at least that's what they say. So it's all pretty fascinating, you know. Hi. There's a thought on the slide when I was first hearing about the no sound. I remember reading how it was described as, we were described as waves in the ocean. The waves would move, but you could never grab the wave. You would grab the water. But when I really began thinking about that concept a little bit more and listening to the ideas behind it,

[77:28]

it seemed that he was really saying something more like, you know, electricity and magnetism where in the 1900s they discovered that there were waves traveling through space, but there was nothing supporting those waves. Like water, we have water supporting water waves, but we don't have any ether supporting electricity and magnetism. It's like there's nothing that you can grab. Well, there's actually, you know, I'm not real up on this, but, you know, I go visit my, you know, Swami friend who's back there in Cambridge now. And he's, you know, this guy who grew up in, you know, Kentucky. But he's real into all this stuff, you know. And for him it relates very closely to the, what do they call it? Anyway, his practice is what he calls Kashmir Shavism. It's a kind of form of Hinduism. But, and they, you know, and so he brought in, you know, this stuff like from the New York Times in the science section, right.

[78:30]

And they've now actually discovered, you know, like they say that they've actually, he read this thing this last summer that the void is not actually empty and that they've now realized that, you know, the outer space is, you know, actually filled with these something or others that oscillate between being and non-being. And they've probably given these, whatever it is, these potentials or, you know, something that they probably have a name for this, you know. But anyway, apparently there's something that now they've decided that it oscillates between being and non-being, which could explain, you know, how the light, you know, waves along because of this oscillation between being and non-being. I'll see if I can get hold of a copy of that. Bring him in these weeks. Science will out yet. Bill Moyers interviewing scientists the other night on the radio.

[79:45]

A woman called Patricia Churchland from San Diego. And they're doing this work on the brain. And the conclusion they're drawing is the brain is the mind. And so the Dalai Lama came when he came last year. He wanted to visit with these scientists. And he listened to them and she was saying it was just wonderful. He was so open. He had no dogma. But he did ask questions like, well, how do we live? What about compassion? And it's very interesting where science is going. It will be interesting to see what they do come up with. Kind of scary in a way, but in another way. It's like he went there. I have to admire him for wanting to be so open. Well, it's one of those areas where perhaps one of these days I'll study some more

[80:56]

and I'll have it all figured out for you. I'll have it all figured out for you. I don't know. I've been to these retreats at Green Gulch with Char Tolku. And a few years ago he was there. And as far as he's concerned, there's absolutely no doubt about it. It's perfectly clear. It's so obvious. It's so obvious that something doesn't come from nothing. And something doesn't turn into nothing. So if there's a being here, then it goes back endlessly. It goes forward endlessly because there's no other possibility. Oh, this is basic Tibetan Buddhism. But it was a teacher who was at Green Gulch. And he goes into all these reasonings about it.

[82:02]

And I'd listen to it all. There's still some gaps someplace. So I don't know. I have to just let go of it at some point. We do have to learn how to live with each other and with ourselves. And if you'd like to have some hours, you're welcome. Well, that's where I tend to... That's where I've come to, finally. That's what interests me. Buddhism does... I guess we can stop. We should stop soon. But just to finish up a little bit on that is Buddhism certainly does believe that there are results to actions. There's so-called karmic retribution. That if you do good, then good follows.

[83:05]

If you do bad, then bad follows. And the bad things that happen in this life, to some extent I think this can be sort of overdone. Because we do sometimes sort of go like, well, such and such happened and I must have done something bad. Because now this bad thing has happened. And what was it? And then we can sort of pick out things. It may have nothing to do with it. But again, to go to Tarot Toku as an example, when you say, well, what happened with Tibet? Well, it's not like he can figure out. It's not like he knows what it was, but he says, well, that's our karma. That somewhere, back somewhere, we've done something that this is the result now. So again, that's very definitely their belief. But it's not in the Christian sense of you're just in this life and then at the end of this particular life,

[84:07]

there's a kind of everlasting kind of retribution. It's more like it's an ongoing thing that doesn't stop with the death in this life, but there's a continuing that there's effects to our behavior and our action in the world brings effects. And it goes on and on endlessly. That's not quite accurate. There is the possibility of getting off of this so-called wheel. Well, you're sometimes on the top and sometimes on the bottom. So one of these weeks we can talk about that, what it is to get off the wheel. But in a simple way, that's what we've been talking about tonight, just in terms of like, do you meet anger with anger and then that keeps perpetuating the thing and then that's with the Buddhist conception of a kind of a wheel. And there is the possibility of a behavior that in some sense cuts through that

[85:09]

or takes the energy out of that particular kind of pattern. So a slight smile or a poor little compassion of your head or careful observation of the objects. Thank you.

[85:29]

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