I'm here because I love Zazen, so I wanted to discuss Zazen with you. Dogen Zenji said that for 300 years in China, nobody had, or very few people had understood how wonderful Zazen is. So we've just had a 7-day Sashin, and we've been sitting a lot of Zazen, and we have a practice period, and we have a chance to investigate together what this Zazen is. Can you hear me okay back there, too? Please let me know if you can't hear. As I understand it, there are two essential aspects of Zazen, and I want to talk about the first one today. Dogen Zazen has many other names.

[01:10]

Sometimes it's been called the Jewel Mirror Samadhi, or Shikan Taza, Just Sitting, or Silent Illumination. Also sometimes it's called Ji-Ji-Yu Samadhi, which is what I want to start with, Ji-Ji-Yu Samadhi. The characters Ji and Ji-Yu literally self-receive and function, or maybe you could say accept your job. Together Ji-Yu just means Ji-Ji-Yu is self-enjoyed, or self-fulfilled. So it's the Samadhi of enjoying yourself, or fulfilling yourself. So I want to talk about enjoying Zazen. Hongshuo says it this way, Just experience and respond appropriately. From this singular impact, many thousands of roads open, and all things are preeminent.

[02:13]

With this unification, I radiantly speak the Dharma. The self divides into ten billion distinct illuminating spirits. Distinguish these without falling into names and classifications, and accord fully, without effort. The mirror is clear and magnanimous. The valley is empty, but echoes. From the beginning, unbound by seeing or hearing, the genuine self romps and plays in Samadhi without obstruction. When embodied like this, how could it not be beneficial? Romp and play in Samadhi. There used to be a saying around Zen Center, I don't know if they still say it, If it's not boring, it's not Buddhism. Has anybody heard that? People used to say that. And there's some truth to that. You know, every day the bell rings and you wake up, the bell rings, you get up and go to the Zen Dome. Another bell rings, you go to a work meeting. Same thing every day. Same schedule, more or less. Just every day, do it.

[03:15]

But I would also say, if it's not joyful, it's not Buddhism. So how can I say such a thing? After the Shosan ceremony, after the last Sashin, everybody sat very well, you know. It was a very strong Sashin. And even in the kitchen, they really got into the Zazen in the kitchen. It was wonderful. And then at the Shosan ceremony, many people spoke of the difficulty of it, how hard it was, how painful it is. I thought Barry put it quite eloquently. There's a taste of bliss or openness. And then after that, somehow you end up back and immersed in the crap. Totally immersed. No hope. And how discouraging that could be. So what do I mean when I say joyful? I'm not talking about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We came from the American culture that encourages the pursuit of happiness.

[04:23]

We should look for our happiness by getting a bigger car or a better house or a better job and so forth. And the happiness is something we have to pursue or we have to get rid of the things that are interfering with our happiness. So that's not the joyfulness I'm talking about. The First Noble Truth is that life is Dukkha. And that's sometimes translated as suffering. It can also be translated as dissatisfaction. We don't like what we have or we want something we don't have. The Third Noble Truth says that there's an end to that. So what does that mean?

[05:26]

I don't think we can get rid of old age, sickness and death. Jerome has lectured about that, how there's always some problem and there will always be some problem. So trying to fix our problems, trying to get rid of the things we don't want, it's not the end of suffering, not the end of dissatisfaction. So I would say the joy of Zazen is that in the middle, right in the middle of the crap, right in the middle of all the problems, you can just come to the Zendo or wherever and just sit upright and face ourselves in this upright, noble, dignified posture. Have the courage to just sit still in the middle of pain and all the flow of emotions and that there's something very satisfying about that.

[06:32]

Sometimes we squirm a little bit because it hurts. But there's a great joy, I think, in being able to just sit and be with everything that's coming up. So the wall is a mirror, it's not a shield to keep out the problems. It's a way of looking at all of this. It's a way of accepting yourself, of enjoying yourself. Another way to talk about it is objectless concentration, which is the concentration of just sitting without any special object that we're concentrating on, just sitting in the presence of the object that we're concentrating on.

[07:37]

Being aware of whatever comes up. So it's not blank consciousness, it's not the inanimate object that Mark warned us about, it's just being there. It's not stopping thinking. Trying to stop thinking is just more thinking. Sometimes it might be good as an exercise to try and stop thinking, but that's not the zazen, the essential zazen that Dogen speaks of. I like how Menzong describes it. He quotes, first of all, Hongzhe's Acupuncture Needle of Zazen. The functional importance of Buddhas, the important function of all ancestors, is knowing without touching things and illuminating without encountering objects. Then Menzong says, When you practice and learn the reality of zazen thoroughly,

[08:39]

the frozen blockage of illusory mind will naturally melt away. If you think that you have cut off illusory mind, instead of simply clarifying how illusory mind melts, illusory mind will come up again, as though you had cut the stem of a blade of grass or the trunk of a tree and left the root alive. This is very natural. I particularly like how he says illusory mind melts. We sit there and everything comes up. Thoughts, feelings, confusion, pain in our knees or our hip or back or whatever. We read Uchiyama Roshi talking about thoughts being the secretion of the brain. I like that very much. Another way to look at it is that the thoughts and the feelings and whatever is in front of us, whatever comes up is just the scenery of ourself.

[09:40]

So we just sit and hang out and watch the scenery. Watch the scenery. Really watch it. Objectless concentration also means that there's no object, there's no goal, there's nothing we're trying to get out of it. We're not trying to... There's no desires on becoming a Buddha. Just sitting, watching what comes up in this upright, dignified posture. And there's some feeling of just enjoying the openness and the crap. Just seeing, this is what I'm doing, this is me. Just sitting. I like very much a way of talking about Zazen

[10:49]

that Tenshin Roshi was talking about a while ago, which is that to sit Zazen is to celebrate. So it seems like a pretty somber party, you know, with these black robes sitting very still, but... We actually come and sit here and face the wall and just celebrate ourselves. Nothing particular to do, nothing particular to get out of it, except to just be there and actually have the satisfaction of being able to face ourselves. So we come and sit and celebrate our Buddha nature. We come and sit and celebrate our mountain spirit realm. We come and celebrate that we can just sit still

[11:50]

and be here and watch ourselves, and it's all right. Whatever's coming up. So that might seem kind of lofty, you know, I mean, it might seem, well, but what about all the problems, you know? It may seem very impractical. How do I get to such a state to actually be able to just sit there and watch all that? So it's objectless concentration. We actually have to be concentrated there. So there are various problems, and there are various practical techniques that are used in Buddhism to help us to concentrate. I would say that the techniques aren't Zazen. The techniques are not Dogen Zazen, but Dogen Zazen includes all of them.

[12:51]

Anything that comes up that is helpful, that helps you to concentrate, to be able to be there and actually face yourself, is included. And the Buddha Dharma includes vast arrays of such techniques. Probably we're all very familiar with counting breaths. Japanese Zen recommends that as a technique. I think beyond counting breaths, we have the being aware of posture and aware of breathing as we sit there facing ourselves in the wall. It is essential, but to actually work with the breath, counting breaths and many other techniques is a way of concentrating on an object to help us get to the point where we can let go of that and do objectless concentration. Or we could even see concentrating on the object as part of objectless concentration. Whatever comes up, if it's helpful to count breaths, great.

[13:58]

Dogen Zenji says that the sutras are there for us not just to blabber the words, but to practice the meaning. So all the sutras are basically meditation instructions. Every line can be a concentration object. So, I'm bringing this up because I think I want us to feel free to enjoy all of the Buddha Dharma and to enjoy our zazen. So, as an example, we chant the Heart Sutra every morning. The very first word of the Heart Sutra that we chant is Avalokitesvara. Wonderful concentration object, meditation object. Many different meditations. Compassion. But I wanted to talk about specifically the word Avalokitesvara, one translation of it. In Japanese we say kanzeon, to hear the sounds of the world.

[15:03]

So, there's concentration on sound as an object. In the Surangama Sutra, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva says, The Buddha taught me to enter samadhi from hearing, contemplation and practice. First in hearing. Push back the stream of the discriminating consciousness and forget objects. Since the sense of hearing is in stillness, duality of movement or discriminating consciousness and stillness or sound will not arise at all. When I practice this way continually, hearer and sound were both exhausted. So, we concentrate on an object to get beyond the sense of subject and object, to get beyond that separation, to get back to objectless concentration. So, practically speaking, at Tassajara,

[16:09]

meditating or concentrating on sound is, we have wonderful aids, the creek and the birds and the breathing of everyone in the Zen Do. We have a new sound system, we have Kabarga Creek running today. There's an old rock and roll producer named Phil Spector that Tia and I both liked to dance to his songs back then. His style of song producing, record producing was called the wall of sound. So, we can look at the wall or we can listen to the wall. And again, both the wall in front of us that we look at,

[17:14]

the wall that we listen to around us, whatever the object, is a mirror. It's not something that's going to protect you from old age and sickness and death and all the problems and all the crap. It's a way of just looking at yourself. Shunpo has talked about Baizhang Waihai who said, a day of no work is a day of no food. Baizhang also said, if you realize there is no connection between your senses and the external world, you will be liberated on the spot. So, we look at the wall or we listen to the wall. The end of the Heart Sutra is another meditation instruction.

[18:19]

It's an instruction on using mantras. Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate, bodhisvaha. So, the Heart Sutra really recommends that we use that mantra. Of course, the sutras are full of mantras. Many other mantras are offered to us in the sutras. When Dogen was dying, the last day, the last few days, he was in Kyoto. And what he did was circumambulated a pillar, chanting the three revered mantras. Refuges. We use that as a mantra too. We say them every night. I particularly, personally like them in Sanskrit. Buddham saranam gacchami, dharmam saranam gacchami, sangham saranam gacchami. One advantage to doing such a practice is that

[19:28]

we can find our unconscious mantras. We have mantras already. We don't know, maybe. Does anybody use the mantra, When is the bell going to ring? Make up the doan. Or, I can't do this. Or, I wish I was wherever. So, we have mantras. We have things we say to ourselves. I think the Heart Sutra is encouraging us to use a mantra that inspires us to enjoy our zazen. We also have thousands of song lyrics floating through our heads. Find one that inspires you to just sit there and face yourself. You can use that as a mantra. One advantage is that it's very easy to take that out of the zendo into your workplace. You know, you can take the mantra with you and say it. Anyway, I'm not particularly recommending that

[20:33]

we count breaths or say mantras or listen to sound. I bring these up just because I want us to all enjoy our zazen. And whatever whatever helps is music. Shinpo was talking about Suzuki Roshi saying you can't do zazen. But I think we can encourage zazen to do zazen. We can enjoy zazen, doing zazen. We can fulfill ourselves as zazen does zazen. We can do zazen that takes the backward step to turn the light inwardly to illuminate ourselves. So I really want to

[21:46]

us all to discuss this. I don't you know, I've been sitting a while, but I don't my sitting is we all have the experience. We all have the taste. We've all been in Sashin. We all know what zazen is. As Shinpo said, she didn't have anything to give to us. It's for all of us to bring up forth our our own experience of enjoying zazen. So I really would like to have some discussion. Does anybody have any questions or comments or anything to say? Yes? Yeah, I'm thinking it says something more about the frozen blockage of the wizarding mind. What that means to you. What is a wizarding mind and and how it melts. I think that's the next step after take the backward step that turns your light inwardly to illuminate yourself. Body and mind themselves will drop away and your original face will be manifest. We create the wall.

[22:54]

We have an object of concentration or we have a field of everything that's coming up and we have I feel like that the blockage of the wizarding mind is being stuck in seeing things certain way. Being stuck in a certain object or being stuck in thinking that it's real or feeling feeling like we can't get out of the crap or feeling like like nothing's going to change. The crap changes, the bliss changes. So that's what comes up for me in response to that phrase. I think the separation too, the blockage feeling like what we see, what we hear, what we think, what we feel is something out there that's separate from ourselves. I don't know, what do you think, man?

[24:03]

Yeah, that sounds right. I keep trying to really define it and get a handle on it but I think it's simply nature that that's actually not possible. It seems that any any ideas go into that category. It's not that there are some that are fixed and others that aren't. Right. We each independently create a world and somehow to see that we do that, I think helps release that blockage. So maybe we don't need to rather than thinking that we could do things differently we just need to see that that's actually what we do.

[25:04]

Right. I think so. And maybe that makes a difference. But it's not that we have to be someone other than who we are or do something other than what we're doing. I mean, it might be, but... I don't know. Don't you think that accepting or just accepting that something can be done by us for us to do, that's some expression of some phase of turning light inwardly. It's some phase or aspect of turning the light inwardly for us. Yeah, it's not somebody else. It's up to you to do your Zazen or to let Zazen let your Zazen do itself.

[26:05]

I think so. Yes. And really do them, do them not as a result. Do them in a different kind of meditation. It takes you away from seeing yourself. And you can reach these higher states of kind of bliss or whatever by becoming so totally one with it and concentrating on something like the mantra. And actually that's not what we're doing, it seems to me. It seems like that's taking me away from the actual practice of Zazen. Well, I don't... Yeah, I think that's a good point, because I think... I think there's some feeling of that. I don't think that those are Zazen, but I think Zazen includes them. I think Zazen is vast and includes whatever in... It's just, as Dogen says,

[27:09]

nobody, hardly anybody in China knows how wonderful Zazen is. So... You might have some idea of Zazen as being something that doesn't include counting your breaths. But... It seems to me that maybe counting your breaths is not some... It's not the totality of Zazen. But... It might be that we need to count our breaths to get to a point where then we can let go of counting our breaths. Or just keep counting our breaths, and it doesn't matter. The point is... The point of objectless concentration is not to be stuck on some object. We have in objectless concentration. There are objects. There are thoughts. There are feelings. Everything that comes up, comes up. So maybe counting breaths might come up, and that might be helpful. I don't think that it's so helpful to say we shouldn't count our breaths or we shouldn't say mantras, because it's not... It doesn't accord with some

[28:11]

notion of what certain kind of Zazen is. I think Zazen is vast. To me, the most important thing is to enjoy yourself in Zazen. And whatever helps that. The Buddha Dharma offers many tools to help us to find our Zazen. To find the Zazen that allows us to just sit and look in the mirror, listen to the wall, and feel the satisfaction of being able to just sit and see ourselves and gradually become very familiar with thoughts, feelings, forms, sounds, eyes, ears, nose, tongues, bodies, minds. Does that respond? Well, I think we agree with each other, because if you actually concentrate on an object of concentration, really

[29:13]

one point of view, then you're not going to see what comes up in your mind. You're not going to just view it as a mirror. So, I assume you're basically not going to do that. But sometimes some people anyway that need to count breaths or something like that or listen to sound, to get to the point where they can actually just sit still for everything. So, if it helps, as Baizhang says, if you realize there is no connection between your senses and the external world, you will be liberated on the spot. Jackie? How do you use the term liberation? Just sitting and enjoying yourself. Jack? I'm not sure how to say it, but I've never had the experience of blissing out on a mantra. It's heavy work.

[30:21]

I think I've tried it. Maybe not long ago. I don't really care about that. But what I noticed is that when I was able to focus on one thing, and we had to do something very important, like pain in my shoulder, I decided to really focus on that and pay attention to it. What I found back then was it allowed me to see how much it really hurt. In fact, it hurt even more. Instead of going off somewhere and having a good time and not having thoughts, the pain kind of kept me right here. I was able to see a kind of mirror of all the stuff that had come through my mind that really wanted to bring me away from the unpleasant sensation. Somehow, there were points where the whole thing just dropped away. It was just a feeling. For me, the pain is real. It's the feeling present.

[31:23]

The second part of that is using the second period directly following that and focusing on pain really turns and creates stuff that comes out from some period of my life. Interesting. Excuse me for one second. Please. Could you explain what that state of being that you realized that you were in is? I think he's talking about how we project on the wall.

[32:33]

We see what our eyes can see. We hear what our eyes can hear. We think what our brain can secrete. And we all do that. And that's not what's out there. Sometimes what's out there, and I say what's out there kind of in a relative sense because we're not separated from it, but sometimes something that we hadn't realized will come and meet us in the face. And that can be pretty shocking. But everything is... Our senses are our senses. It's like you and I are connected profoundly. Yes. But the image that I am entertaining in my mind with you, the picture of you, isn't you. Right. But we're not.

[33:39]

Underneath all of that we are connected. Right. The sound of your scream isn't the scream. Right. I'm looking at you so I can't see if Rev's making faces or not. Right. Question? Excuse me. In that same essay, Maitreya says, when a person sits for the cause, right, and Buddha is the effect, so like we are the cause, Buddha is the effect. And it seems to me that to happen, the words of Bodhisattva are totally devotional. So if you explain, give me your idea of what Bodhisattva was talking about

[34:41]

when he said totally devotional. The total engagement in a mobile sitting? Yes, because for me, the question comes up, how can I be sitting and not, that saw is not the separate from Buddha. It's not. It's not. But for me, in order for that to happen, the key phrase that keeps coming up when we are practicing totally devotional What do I think it means? I think that totally devotional I don't know if I can explain it. I think it's wonderful. I don't really know what to say about it. I think total devotion is what we do when we just sit and enjoy ourselves. Can it be anything? Can it be doing anything? Can it be about anything?

[35:42]

Can it be doing anything? Can it be about myself, yesterday, today, or something about myself? My question is Yes, I think, yes. That's a very good point. You really have to pay attention to what it is you're doing. It's not just that you're sitting there daydreaming. It's that you're attentive to thoughts and feelings as they arise. So, that's the side of illusory mind melts. We see our thoughts and feelings and we watch the thoughts. We watch on Wonder What's for lunch today or whatever. As we see that thought arising and it may be 20 sentences later or something, we see that we're thinking that and it just melts. We let go of that thought, that feeling. And then maybe it comes up again and at some point we see, oh yes, I'm thinking about whatever. So, total devotion

[36:43]

means really looking at what is happening while you're sitting there, just sitting, enjoying yourself. So, any other comments, questions, discussion? I enjoyed very much last week. All of us enjoying our lesson. It was painful, it was as it was. Thank you. Once again, I'm very happy to in some way to return to Tassajara. Of course, I spent many years here. So, in some ways

[37:45]

it's like coming home. But I think even if you're just coming to Tassajara for the first time, Tassajara has a particular atmosphere, a particular kind of quality that makes it an unusual place. So, I want to talk some about that, about what goes into that. I think it's you know, noticeable. Almost everywhere a quality of presence. The people actually live here, have lived here over a number of years. There's a history. And we see it

[38:47]

when we're walking down the road. We see it in the stone walls that people have built. We see it in the lanterns along the path. Each lantern, most lanterns have a little stand or a hook to hang from. And somebody in the last few days has built all those lanterns for persons. It's a big job. And then someone tonight has gone around and lifted them. And that quality of presence is somebody taking care of this place. It's something that touches each of us whether we live here or we're a guest here. And we see it

[39:47]

in the pathways in the red. The plants have been watered. Somebody has put in plants in those places. We see it in a lot of little stonework outside of cabins. So this particular quality of people's effort never falls. And I think it touches people but it doesn't touch me. I know from having done it that it doesn't when one is doing it it doesn't always feel so special to be raking gravel or particularly touching. But afterwards you know it is touching that somebody has overcome their

[40:49]

fatigue and tiredness or eagerness to get dressed and benefit from this place. Somebody is taking the time to fill the lamp, to clean the pool, to clean the bath, to take care of the food. And we can receive all of that. One of the people in the Zen Yoga retreat this week was telling me that the night before she was coming down here she talked to her friend who is also here. And she was telling her friend all the things she was going to bring like the blow dryer and the friend said wait a minute, didn't you hear that there is no electricity at Katahari? You know the things they forgot to tell you on the tourist brochure. And she had some friends at her house who then

[41:53]

teased her, you know, you are going to spend $100 a night to camp out? And so in certain ways Katahari is kind of primitive. But the other side is that there is this there is this extravagance or quality of presence of people carrying somebody's palm, somebody's taking care of Katahari. Somebody's minding things, tending to things. And that quality of activity, the quality of that shows all around. When we come into the meditation hall, you don't find yourself walking through dust. I've been in meditation halls like that. It's kind of disgusting.

[42:53]

For me, you know, maybe it's just because of my silliness. But there is something to be very touching about that somebody has cleaned its face. That somebody is treating the patient and that it feels there is this presence there of all of us together taking care of Katahari. And it's also being as close as we are to nature, I think. The trees and tonight we can hear the crickets. There's something that just you know, it can touch us. And we can allow in this context we can allow ourselves to be touched. Whereas in other situations it's not so safe.

[43:56]

It's not so easy to let go. And to be touched by people and things. And the sky and the leaves. To walk on the pathway. And there's a history here. Whether or not you know the history, I think you've sensed something of the history of something of, you know, the continuity of people who have been here and done things here. Today, someone Dan Howell was here he drives the stage and he built pretty much by himself the stone walkway that goes up to the hillside cabin. It's a rock. And he did most of it on his day off. In

[44:58]

just a few minutes or a minute on his day. Interestingly enough this week Tom and Ulysses and I are here together for the first time I think since 1973 when we worked together we built a little rock here outside the dormitory that we walk over every day. So it's our little reunion. But those things are all every step of the way. And even if you don't know I think even if you don't know the names of the people or who it was or what they did, you can feel it. The kind of attention and energy and awareness that people have put into Tessahara

[46:01]

and into their work here. Today, I mean when I came to Tessahara I felt kind of fortunate because I'm staying in cabin 1B. It's the first cabin across the bridge on the right the room in the back. I lived there for about three years. And it didn't used to have that big stone that's outside the door there. It used to be when I first moved in there from the ground up to the floor of the cabin it was about two feet or more. It was a big step to get in and out of that cabin. So I got some rocks and I kind of piled them up outside the door. So they kind of made steps. But you know, they're a little bit rickety. And I didn't know what to do but I put in all these stones. And once or twice a zikiroshi would be

[47:02]

out on the bridge here and I'd be out there on the bridge and be looking over at the rocks outside that cabin door and he'd say, you know in Japan sometimes when somebody dies we pile up rocks above the grave. Like that. It looks like somebody died there. And I didn't think much of it. I thought, yeah well I probably said I didn't know anything about putting rocks in. Did what I could. But one day that rock used to be outside of the office. There's three or four rocks now outside the office. And there's now that little rock tip around that tree. It wasn't there. But there was this one rock outside of the office

[48:02]

and people used to get their mail in the office and go and sit and read their mail on that rock. And it was a real focus of community of the community. Outside the office people would sit on it and drink tea out there and coffee out there. It was the one rock out in that area. And right outside from the office. And one day again somewhere outside the bridge here oh no I think it was in Suzuki Rishi's cabin and we had just talked about something when I was leaving. And he said oh by the way do you know that rock outside the office? I asked Paul to put it outside your cabin for a test. I couldn't believe it. That that rock was the center of the community and somebody said but what about everybody uses that rock. How could you do that? How could you move that rock? Everybody's using it. He said we'll get another. We'll have

[49:03]

others outside the office. And sure enough that afternoon I was in my cabin there and then this horrible noise and a little metal sled and they had gotten the rock on the sled and it was coming across the bridge there breaking along the ground and then the next thing I know they're wheeling this rock over to my cabin door and they take all the other rocks and toss them away and set that rock in place by the door there. So for me it has history you know. For me especially it has history because I step on the rock and I know something about the victory or she's mine and that kind of taking care of such a heart and taking care of someone and making that kind of gesture is history. But even I think if you don't know the history

[50:07]

you can feel something about a Texan artist even without knowing anything with just a little bit of awareness and it seems like most of the people who come to Texan Art have that quality of awareness. And that kind of history is all around here that kind of effort and awareness and generosity of spirit. . . . Tessahara is also a course of teaching and then it's kind of in many ways a family

[51:09]

and we have a family tradition family teaching. You know, and after a while, if we stay here long enough, we put on sort of similar clothes. You know, we wear the family outfit, and we join the family for a while, you know, for a shorter or longer time. And the family, and we have guests and visitors there who can join a family for a few days. And join in this kind of tradition that's part of our, this history, and this kind of spirit. And it touches people. And we can relax in some way that's hard to do normally. And we have a little taste of quiet and peace and serenity. And it comes in a kind of careful effort, exacting effort, and

[52:18]

generous effort. And the Zen teaching, you know, is not just in the words. The Zen teaching is in all of that. You see it. You feel it. You walk on it. The Zen master, Uman, or Yunmen, excuse me, the Zen master Yunmen, one night asked a group of us, the assembly, do you want to meet the ancestors? They're dancing on your head. Do you want to see their eyes? They're underneath your feet. Then he said, I offer incense in the job's house, and then the gods don't pay any attention. The Tathagata is like that. The teaching is everywhere.

[53:25]

Everywhere we look, where we sit, in our own body, mind, and the things outside reflect it. So I want tonight to talk a little more about physicality. The quality of mind, this morning we did the service, the monthly memorial service for Suzuki Roshi. It seems like a good time. And one of the things I thought about recently was serving Suzuki Roshi food in the meditation hall. We have the bowls here, and then the servers come in and then offer food to each person. And if you've done it, you know how, what an unusual experience it can be. It's such a simple

[54:34]

thing to serve somebody food, and yet in that context, in the silence of the meditation hall, you know somebody so immediately and so clearly sometimes, just serving them food. The way that somebody picks up a bowl, the way they hold it out to you, the quality in their movement, sensation and sense of their body language. Without saying a thing, you know people. And there was never, you know, I never served anyone like Suzuki Roshi. It was quite an unusual experience. Because he was just present. And he bowed, and picked up the bowl, and held it there. And then, you know, I wasn't the only one. We were all so careful. And served Suzuki Roshi with such tenderness and awareness, and trying desperately not to spill

[55:38]

anything, or slop anything over the side of the bowl. You know, and it's hard sometimes. The stuff drips off the ladle, and you ever have noodles that go over the side. Lots of things can happen. It can be very embarrassing. But, you know, it's hard to describe such a mind, or a being. And yet, we all know it. There's a quality there of his presence, and it's very simple, very direct. And you can tell there's not any scheming going on. There's not any conniving going on. There's not any thinking about, how do I get more of that, and less of that. And I wonder if that's any good. Gee, I don't know if I want that. You know, it's just receiving what you have to offer. Completely, openly, trustingly, receiving what you have to

[56:44]

offer. And he's not thinking about anything. And you can tell he's not even thinking about whether or not you're a good server. One time in a question and answer ceremony after sashimi, someone asked him, Suzuki Roshi, what do you feel when I serve you? I wondered that myself. I mean, I thought I knew something about what he felt, but I was very interested in that question. And he said, I feel like you're offering me your entire being, your most perfect love. And I never sure. But that's what he felt when somebody offered him food. And that kind of effort we sense

[57:54]

when somebody makes that kind of effort. And we sense it around his ear, and in his meditation hall, with these windows, and the ceiling, and the floor, the smoothness of the wood. People have been here, and they've taken care of this place in that way. They've offered their entire being. And people continue to do that. So I used to serve Suzuki Roshi very carefully, and then the next person a little less carefully, and the next person after that a little less carefully, and then by about the third person after Suzuki Roshi, it was, why can't you get your bowl out any faster? You know, I'm trying to get this over with. And why are you being so picky? And stop being so greedy. Why don't you just receive food like Suzuki Roshi? What's wrong with you? And so I was very critical of everybody. And I was

[59:03]

trying to do my best to be a good Zen server, which means that you should do it pretty quickly. You know, not hastily, but, you know, no wasted movement, certainly. And directly, intently, and then these people would slow me down. You know how it is, people always get in your way like that. Otherwise you could really shine. But one day I thought, now what's the difference between Suzuki Roshi and the other people? Why do I treat him one way, and the other people another? Why don't I treat everybody like Suzuki Roshi? If you want to meet the ancestors, they're right over your head. Their eyes are right under your feet. If you want to meet the

[60:06]

ancestors, you can serve the ancestors. Today, this meal. And you can look around and you can see the ancestors. If you want to know Suzuki Roshi's mind, you can look at the table, at the wall, at the lamp. What about this lamp? Is it conniving? Is it scheming? Is it greedy? No, it's right away. It's very open. It's a big mind. It's very sincere. It sits here. It's a lamp. And it doesn't pretend to be something else. And it doesn't try to be better than any other lamp in the room. It doesn't criticize itself for being worse than every other lamp in the room. Wherever you look, it's like that.

[61:09]

You can see the mind of the ancestors. And you can serve the ancestors. But what about you yourself? You must be the ancestor too. So when you serve yourself first, who are you serving? Is it somebody with just a little mind, and a petty mind, and somebody who's greedy, and somebody who wants more of this and less of that? Or is it also the ancestors? Somebody with a big mind, and with a careful mind, and an attentive mind. Somebody who's offering his entire being for complete, perfect life. Putting it in the bowl for you to eat. Could you do that for yourself? Each of us is also the ancestor.

[62:12]

The things are like this too. And the sound, like it's in the buzzing of the flies. Dogen tells a story about a monk who asked an old master, what about when things come? When the ten thousand things come? What about, what shall I do then? And Dogen said, the old master replied, don't try to control them. Don't try to control them. And Dogen said, it's not just clever advice, it's the truth. Even if you try to control things, you can't control things. And he said, but you should understand that things are not just things, things are also the Buddhadharma. Things are also this teaching, this entire being, this love, the eyes of the ancestor.

[63:41]

So when you pick up something, you pick up something mundane or something hollow. Is it just a spoon, or is it also the Buddhadharma? Is the rake just a rake, or is it also the Buddhadharma, this teaching? Then Master Dogen recounts another story, which has always been one of my favorites, since I came across it. It's about a teacher named Xuansha, who used to tell her students, all the universe is one bright pearl. So one day a monk asked her, you say all the universe is one bright pearl, how should I understand that? And Xuansha said, what need is there to understand? And the monk went away. The next day, Xuansha asked the monk, all the universe is one bright pearl, how do you understand that?

[64:49]

The monk said, what need is there to understand? And Xuansha said, I thought so. You're living in the black mountain cave of demons. Dogen said in his commentary, but even the black mountain cave of demons must be nothing but the one bright pearl. And then he said, anger, greed, frustration, pettiness, they're nothing but the one bright pearl, masquerading as greed and anger and frustration. This is a little shift in awareness, but a very important shift in awareness. Because there's no way we can control our own body and mind, and we can get rid of all that anger, and get rid of all that greed,

[65:54]

and get rid of those things we don't like, and just have the things we like, and just be the person we want to be, and not the person we don't want to be, and always do things perfectly well. Even Suzuki Roshi, people would sometimes say to him things like, how come you haven't enlightened me yet? You call yourself a Zen teacher? You're not helping me enough. You should help me more. And Suzuki Roshi finally said, I'm sorry, I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing my very best. But even that, you know, what do I do good enough? So how to see things as the Dharma, or how to emit things as though it's the one bright pearl masquerading.

[67:14]

This is a big question, a big practice for each of us. And the first thing is to believe that it's true, all the universe is one bright pearl. Anger, and frustration, and greed, and headiness is nothing but the one bright pearl masquerading. Everybody, each one of us must be the ancestor. We must also have the mind that's different. It's not different than the mind we have already. And so in Zen we say, and especially this school of Zen we say, to please practice and live as though this is true. Practice this kind of enlightenment, that each one is Suzuki Roshi, that each of us is Suzuki Roshi. Each of us is the mind of the ancestor.

[68:17]

Try it out. Treat yourself that way, treat other people that way, treat things that way. Treat your activities that way. Because if you wait for, you know, until somehow you know you're a wonderful person or, you know, sometime in the future this is all going to come true, no it's not. It's up to each one of us to actually put that into practice, that kind of teaching. And to meet the ancestor in that way, to know the one bright pearl. If we don't do it, then nobody will do it for us. So Dogen Zenji also said in his instructions to the cook, don't see things with an ordinary mind, don't see things with ordinary eyes.

[69:35]

So what do you think is, what is ordinary and what is special? The ordinary mind, the ordinary eyes, you just see, you just see a lamp, you just see anger, you don't see the one bright pearl. You don't see the Dharma, you don't see big minds. With ordinary eyes, ordinary minds, we just see something that we can distinguish as good and bad and we can try to get more of the good things and less of the bad things and more pleasant and less unpleasant. And we can see and connive and strategize and we can get angry at someone when they don't do the right thing. We can be frustrated when things don't go our way and when our great plan doesn't come to fruition. This is ordinary mind. You know all those people getting in the way when you're trying to go down the road and be a great Zen servant. This is ordinary.

[70:45]

And it's ordinary to look at the ordinary and overlook the ordinary, looking for something special. The lamp, that's nothing special. The wall, that's nothing special. This hand, that's nothing special. Your breath, that's nothing special. I breathe a hundred thousand billion breaths. So over and over, just never, you know, this is called ordinary mind. Ordinary mind overlooks the ordinary, looking for something special. Something better. Something more profound. Something that would reflect better on me. Where do I get it? Where will I find it? So not to see with ordinary mind, with ordinary eyes. The goal is to find something special in the ordinary.

[71:52]

The special is not somewhere else. The thing in front of our eyes. The sound in our ears. The activity we're engaged in. The person that I am. The person that you are. This is all special. This is the one bright pearl. This is Buddhadharma. This is the mind and physical issue. I think, you know, even when, you know, even without understanding any of this, you know, when people come to Satsanghara, they feel it right away. Some little taste of this quality, in the surroundings of Satsanghara, in the ongoing activity of Satsanghara. It touches. You know, there's a little resonance. Something resonates in our being.

[72:54]

Yudhisthira and I met each other on the path the other day, and he said, I've been here for half a day, it feels like a week. I said, yeah, that's exactly how long I've been here, it felt like a week. After about two or three hours. And there's a kind of resonance with everything around. And there's a chance to harmonize with everything. And be touched by things, and interact with things, and sense this kind of good quality of our life. And not be too worried about getting rid of one feeling, and getting something better, and just things as they are. It's pretty nice. In another Zen story, a monk asked a master,

[73:59]

Shaoshan, is there a teaching that is neither right nor wrong? Is there no emancipation? Is there something beyond right and wrong? And the teacher, Shaoshan said, a white cloud doesn't manifest a speck of ugliness. I like that story. It reminded me of what I've been talking about tonight. Whether it's the white cloud, or the bamboo, a stone, a leaf, a flower, your breath, your hand, it's not a speck of of ugliness when we meet it with a smile.

[75:01]

With this kind of awareness. Not to overlook, you know, anger or frustration or sadness. Not to overlook or ignore it or something. But that's not all of it. Each of us is also someone precious. The Buddhadharma, the mind of the ancestors, the Buddha,

[76:08]

I appreciate very much being here and this kind of effort here. And where this kind of effort is so obvious and ongoing. And I appreciate very much those of you who live here and are making this kind of effort. And I think those of you who are visiting will also understand what I've been talking about. And each of us, each of you in your own way, already make this kind of effort. And I'm sure you'll go on making this kind of effort. Thank you. And not to see things

[77:09]

with ordinary eyes, with ordinary minds. But to meet the mind of the ancestors. To meet the Buddhadharma. To know the one by four.

[77:23]

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